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Partners lack of initiative & moaning re households tasks

(18 Posts)
EL8888 Wed 15-May-19 12:04:21

My partner was visiting his parents over the weekend. He mentioned he said to his parents “it feels like EL8888 hates to see me idle and is always asking me to do household tasks”. I’m fuming as l do more than my share and the reason l have to prompt him to do stuff is he is so lethargic about stuff. We have lived together for about 18 months, at the start of then we discussed who would do what. So it’s hardly as if lm being a dictator and as grown ups yeah you do need to put the recycling out, paint walls etc. I’m not thrilled by this stuff myself but that’s life. Increasingly l am now perceiving him as lazy and ungrateful. Particularly as lm typically the planner and organiser of most things which is a role l am bored of.

We are trying for a baby but part of me is now wondering would that be such a good idea. 101 more things for me to do while partner tries to avoid stuff and expects me to do the lions share!!!!

Clutterbugsmum Wed 15-May-19 12:24:44

We are trying for a baby but part of me is now wondering would that be such a good idea. I would otherwise you have 2 babies to look after.

I'd be having a meeting explaining to him that he is a fully functioning Adult and so HE is expected to to ADULT things like cooking and cleaning and if he doesn't like it then he quite welcome to go home to mummy and daddies and continue to be a child. As there is nothing romantic having a manchild for a partner.

Thehop Wed 15-May-19 12:31:35

Definitely don’t get pregnant, he’ll get even worse.

What’s the housing situation. Owned? Rented?

EL8888 Wed 15-May-19 12:33:09

Yeah l need to tell him what’s what when l am less angry. Weirdly enough he doesn’t mind me running round like my arse is on fire?! Doesn’t seem to be an issue

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 15-May-19 12:33:45

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

Why are you and he together at all?.

When someone tells you by both word and deed who they are, it would be wise to pay full attention. This is who he is; a selfish and self centered manchild who just wants some woman to carry on where his mother undoubtedly left off. He sees housework and babies as womens work.

Stop with the ttc as well. I would not want to bring a baby into this at all, you will make yourself further vulnerable. You will merely end up doing all the baby care as well as the majority of the mental load that you are now doing. Do not do this to yourself or a child. If he cannot step up as a partner now he is not going to magically change and step up as a dad.

EL8888 Wed 15-May-19 12:34:54

When l point that he doesn’t need to prompt me to do stuff, l just get on and do it. Then he just dismisses it

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 15-May-19 12:41:53

Again, why are you together at all?. What is the point of the two of you being together?. You seem mismatched also and you cannot force him to change. This is really who he is.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 15-May-19 12:50:11

NO, do not have a baby with him; you'll end up doing all the childcare AND everything else.

Did he mention what his parents said in reply to his comment? I'm guessing Mummy totally mollycoddled him growing up and still does.

Thingsdogetbetter Wed 15-May-19 13:34:10

It's only been a year and a half and already you are sick of the role his laziness has forced you into!! It was discussed before you moved in together. He has chosen to ignore that agreement. And is whinging to his family about being asked to be a grown up. Cheeky fucked!

Why would you think he'd change with a baby added to the mix ?

poglets Wed 15-May-19 21:31:08

They only get worse when you're trapped with the baby. Don't get pregnant.

EL8888 Thu 16-May-19 16:36:31

@Thehop owned property by me

@AttilaTheMeerkat totally one thing l learned about men years ago is look at what they do. Yeah they might say the right things and / or what they think you want to hear but do their actions back it up? Increasingly they don’t match with DP.

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy l believe his Mum said it’s common dynamic in the relationship with her and DP’s dad. I don’t think she took a side, lm guessing she probably didn’t want to get involved. To be fair his Mum doesn’t take much nonsense off his Dad e.g. fair financial contributions from both, his fair share of cleaning / childcare etc. But DP was an only child and it appears that their were less expectations about chores etc that l had from my parents

EL8888 Thu 16-May-19 16:55:54

We had a discussion last night about it all. But he doesn’t seem to be taking it on board as much as he should do. One suggestion he had was me providing clearer and more detailed instructions about what needs to be done. But surely lm not the co-ordinator of all things household and he can use his initiative! Just for clarity l don’t ask that much of him. Any DIY is meant to be 50/50 in theory (more like 70/30). He gets home to find dinner ready after work and is then expected to wash up. He’s not asked to fit a bedroom carpet, paint the bathroom etc after a day at work. It’s standard every day stuff!

Increasingly lm sick of him and wondering what the point is? Today he’s taken himself off for the day as he “needs his space”. I have been off sick from work for a while, he informed me last night that this was annoying and he had hoped l was going back next week. It’s been too arduous of late apparently with me being off, not enough of his own space and doing stuff round the house. I pointed out l had taken up the slack around the house so actually he had been doing less. If he wanted his life to involve more personal space and less household stuff then why have a baby?!
We wouldn’t be paying for a day of nursery or childminder for him to loll around the house?! (He regularly has days off in the week and works weekends). I’m sure l wouldn’t be getting that arrangement myself so why should he

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Thu 16-May-19 17:06:35

Please, please don't get pregnant by this idiot! He'll be expecting to do everything while you're on maternity leave.

The more you post about him, the worse he sounds!

So you being off sick is 'annoying'!? Nice bit of sympathy there!

Tell him to sod off back to Mummy and Daddy and have all the space he needs.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Thu 16-May-19 17:06:59

Sorry, he'll be expecting you to do everything on maternity leave...

EL8888 Thu 16-May-19 17:13:14

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy l sarcastically “apologised” for being off sick 🙄. I then reminded him it hadn’t been a bed of Roses for me either!

Sausagerollers Thu 16-May-19 17:36:41

With every post it just gets worse OP.

He admitted slagging you off to his parents in an attempt to get you to do more housework when you already do the lions share of it; seriously? He's a tw*t.

Ask him to leave and do not under any circumstances procreate with him; he is not parent material.

SilverySurfer Thu 16-May-19 18:17:13

One suggestion he had was me providing clearer and more detailed instructions about what needs to be done.

No, no, no. Adults, even those with penises are fully capable of ascertaining what needs to be done and doing it. He's a lazy slob and if you have a child with him is likely to get worse. He's such a child he can't even cope with you being sick.

So can you tell us any positives because if not, why is he still in your house?

Thehop Thu 16-May-19 19:52:22

Honestly? I’d tell him to move out. Take all the space he needs. What a dweeb.

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