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Should he wear his wedding ring?

(75 Posts)
Raspberrytrifle92 Tue 14-May-19 22:52:12

My sister and husband fell out today because he’s told her that he doesn’t want to wear his ring because it’s irritating and he doesn’t like jewellery and has never worn any before. She was upset and they only got married last week and got back from honeymoon. It’s like he doesn’t understand the emotional said and what it means. I’m not sure what to say to my sister but was wondering if anyone on here has ever been told that their hubby doesn’t want to wear their ring. He’s only tried to wear it for a few days and he never said he didn’t like rings before they got married.

ScreamingLadySutch Tue 14-May-19 23:26:27

Men are such twats. Why do they make life so difficult!

Posh men tend not to wear wedding rings, in the old wedding ceremony only the wife is given a ring.

This is a perfectly reasonable open and honest conversation he could have had BEFORE getting married, now he has jolted his wife's trust in him with this avoidant passive aggressive BS.

GreenTulips Tue 14-May-19 23:28:42

He tried. It’s not a big deal. He still has it.

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest

Pipandmum Tue 14-May-19 23:29:32

While he should have said before he didn’t want to wear a ring I don’t see the issue. My dad never wore one and they were married for 49 years (before he passed away). So what it doesn’t mean the you are any less married.

Floralnomad Tue 14-May-19 23:33:29

We’ve been married for 30 yrs this year and dh wore his wedding ring for about a week before it came off , he’s not a jewellery wearer . It has never bothered me , and as it is I developed contact dermatitis badly about 15 yrs ago so I also cannot wear any jewellery now so the two rings live together in a box .

newnameold Tue 14-May-19 23:35:28

2 threads about your sisters husbands wedding ring? Why do you care?

happymummy12345 Wed 15-May-19 00:04:21

I'll be honest I would hate it if my husband refused to wear a ring. Then again I'd hate not having his last name.
It matters to me, a lot and I would be very upset by it.

FuriousVexation Wed 15-May-19 01:19:57

Had he ever tried to wear a ring before the wedding? If not, he wouldn't know that he didn't get on with rings and couldn't have let her know beforehand.

I mean let's be honest the "emotional side" of wearing a ring basically means "letting people know I'm owned" - so unless your sister thinks he's likely to go around telling people "yeah I'm single actually" then it's a moot point (and at which I'd say she has a bigger problem than the wearing or not of a ring)

OldAndWornOut Wed 15-May-19 01:23:21

You seem over invested in your sisters marriage.
Not the greatest start to wedded bliss, I would think, being harangued to wear jewellery by your wife and her family.

Myfoolishboatisleaning Wed 15-May-19 01:23:35

I don’t wear a wedding ring, my husband does. I still love him, despite not wearing a ring, (or taking his name 🙄)

MrHaroldFry Wed 15-May-19 01:27:40

I only ever wear my wedding ring if I remember to put it on. My husband never takes his off. Neither one of us is perplexed or emotional because of a ring. It is only a symbol, it is not the be all and end all.

Tavannach Wed 15-May-19 01:32:38

Does it fit properly?

MrsHormonal2019 Wed 15-May-19 02:01:15

My husband takes a lot of pride in his but he's a soppy git who loves the family cliche of married, kids and preggers wife and wants everyone to know it.
He should have been a woman lol

Sarah242 Wed 15-May-19 02:32:09

We talked about it before getting married because he didn’t want to wear a ring. He didn’t even want to get one, but I asked him to get one for the ceremony and said I wouldn’t mind if it sat in a drawer after that day.

Turns out he loves wearing it and wears his ring more than I wear mine.

I don’t think it matters that much, but it’s something worth talking about. Beforehand, preferably. My ex used to wear his religiously but it’s not like it stopped him from cheating on me.

OkPedro Wed 15-May-19 02:37:50

Yeah coz all women love the wedding, being preggers and having kids. Christ it’s like we’ve been transported to the 1950’s.
And “I would hate not having my husbands surname” double christ

Walkingdeadfangirl Wed 15-May-19 02:40:14

Seriously, why should he be forced to wear something he doesn't want to. WTF has the world come to?

wombat1a Wed 15-May-19 02:41:37

Dh never wears his, I really ought to get it melted down and turned into some ear rings in future so it doesn't go to waste.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 15-May-19 03:22:56

Her husband didn't say he doesn't like rings because he never wore one before. I fail to see the problem. It irritated him. My dad never wore his ring and my parents have been married for 50 years.

Alicewond Wed 15-May-19 03:26:17

I don’t wear rings, they annoy me, I never knew this before having to wear a rind daily forever

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 15-May-19 03:35:50

DH doesn't really like rings but he wears his. I'm fine either way. I didn't wear mine for a couple of years but I wear it now. Makes not a bit of difference to my fidelity or how I feel about DH.

Becles Wed 15-May-19 04:13:16

Check out the fitting and if that's not the problem, they can discuss selling both their wedding rings and spending the money on a romantic dinner.

The engagement ring can sit in a drawer.

StoppinBy Wed 15-May-19 05:18:08

I can't wear mine because I keep getting a nasty rash under it, every now and again I try to wear it and it flares up again.

I can see why your sister would be upset though if the only reason is it's annoying as you do quickly get used to them and not even notice them after a while.

BillywilliamV Wed 15-May-19 05:23:53

She could have the size altered and wear it herself?

Flyingkites123 Wed 15-May-19 05:30:26

Tbh, you've just reminded me I need to get my engagement ring from behind the bedside table as it's been there weeks. I hate wearing jewellery. It's not that I don't love my fiance. Oh course I do. But I really don't like wearing rings.

If your sister is worried that he isn't wearing it because he still wants to appear to be single maybe she needs to chat to him about it. But in my experience, its the men who slip it off when you don't know about it (I. E. In a bar) that you need to worry about.

Strugglingtodomybest Wed 15-May-19 05:41:03

My DH doesn't wear his, although he may have lost it, I'm not sure.

I'm not bothered, I know he loves me.

I'd tell my sister, as kindly as possible, to get a grip and not sweat the small stuff.

Podemos Wed 15-May-19 05:49:32

I was married to a man who never took his ring off (as far as I knew). He had several affairs. Life was pretty miserable.

I'm now married to a wonderfully faithful man who doesn't like to wear his ring. Couldn't be happier.

HalyardHitch Wed 15-May-19 05:50:02

Neither me nor DH wear our rings. It's no big deal. However, for your sister I guess it's the disappointment that she expected her husband to wear one and now he's not. She'll get used to the idea

SallyWD Wed 15-May-19 05:53:52

My parents have been marred over 50 years and my dad never wore a ring for the same reasons. It's never been an issue. I don't think my husband would mind if I didn't wear mine.

FixTheBone Wed 15-May-19 06:04:09

Complete non-issue.

I actually didn't mind wearing mine, until I got fat(ter) and it wouldn't fit comfortably, I know wear it on a chain around my neck, hasn't been removed for 10 years.

Incidentally, it also works better for my job having to wash my hands every 14 seconds and not having a ring in the way.

LellyMcKelly Wed 15-May-19 06:30:30

I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass, tbh. It’s his body. He can wear what he wants on it.

Toddlerteaplease Wed 15-May-19 06:41:45

My parents have been happily married for over 40 years. My dad had never worn his. And my mums ring isn't her actual ring because it had to be cut off years ago. It doesn't make any difference!

category12 Wed 15-May-19 06:43:42

How does he feel about her not wearing hers?

Lozzy25 Wed 15-May-19 06:45:50

Me and my DP are getting married next month and he's already said that he won't wear his ring on a day to day basis (he hates jewellery) and his job makes it awkward to wear a ring! I honestly don't mind, I will wear mine but it doesn't matter to me if he wears it or not... we are still married at the end of the day smile

Widowodiw Wed 15-May-19 06:48:54

This would seriously piss me off. Perhaps so because my husband was religious in wearing it. He has since passed away and I wear his ring on my finger alongside my wedding ring.

Perhaps they can come up with a compromise ? He wears it out for social occasions/ at weekend when they are together? In time
He will get used to wearing it.

divafever99 Wed 15-May-19 06:49:01

My dh wore his wedding ring for 2 days before it annoyed him and he had never worn since. I don't even wear mine as my fingers are too fat since having dc! Doesn't even occur to me as being a problem.

NoParticularPattern Wed 15-May-19 06:50:17

My husband has a ring, but never wears it unless we are going out (rare!!). It’s really not that important. At the end of the day it’s a bit of metal. If he’d decided after a week that he didn’t much like the idea of marriage and that he couldn’t keep to his vows then that might be something to get worked up about. Not wanting to wear a ring because he finds it uncomfortable isn’t really up there with things to be pissed off about if I’m honest.

Timeless19 Wed 15-May-19 06:52:40

My husband doesn’t wear his ring, doesn’t bother me. Wearing a ring isn’t proof of love or fidelity.

category12 Wed 15-May-19 06:54:07

If he hates the idea of her not wearing hers, then he needs to try to get used to wear his and then it's worth getting pissed off about.

If he's genuinely not bothered if she wears it or not, then meh.

RottnestFerry Wed 15-May-19 07:04:46

Mine lasted until the end of the honeymoon and then came off. I liked the idea of it but hated wearing it. My wife doesn't mind at all. Men wearing jewellery is unusual in my family and hers though which may have influenced my decision not to persevere and get used to it.

stucknoue Wed 15-May-19 07:28:58

Dh only puts it on for special occasions, he wears gloves for work and it irritates

CherryPavlova Wed 15-May-19 07:31:46

My husband hasn’t even got a wedding ring. He thinks jewellery isfor women (apart from a watch and cuff links). Why does it matter?

DaisiesAreOurSilver Wed 15-May-19 07:33:17

DH didn't have one because he had a signet ring he didn't wear because it drove him crazy. Some people just don't get on with rings.

ptumbi Wed 15-May-19 07:34:21

TWO threads about it? You are really over involved, OP.

For the record, I worked with someone whose husband 'wouldn't let her' wear rings on her right hand. He 'didn't like it', so she didn't hmm angry

His/her hand, his/ her choice.

You can fuck off out of it.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo Wed 15-May-19 07:40:30

I commented on your other thread too. Your sister needs to calm down. A ring is really just a silly tradition (much like changing your name, which your sister chose not to do). Rings (or the same surname) don’t make you anymore married, just tell your sister to let it go.

RottnestFerry Wed 15-May-19 09:05:20

* Rings (or the same surname) don’t make you anymore married*

They do make it more obvious that you are married though. Some people like that.

overnightangel Wed 15-May-19 09:11:09

I presume the first reply is a wind up yawn

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo Wed 15-May-19 09:28:16

RottnestFerry oh I fully agree, my husband and I did both. But in the other thread the OP started under a different user name she told us that her sister chose not to change her name (an entirely valid choice). I was more trying to point out that if her sister wants her husband to respect her choices on how she publicly demonstrates the marriage, she should extend the same courtesy to him.

newnameold Wed 15-May-19 09:33:59

I presume both threads were 🤷🏻‍♀️

Whoops75 Wed 15-May-19 09:37:55

No, he shouldn’t have to.

My friends dh got a Celtic band tattoo on his wedding finger because he didn’t like rings.

I’m not sentimental so it’s not the same for me, I hope they find a compromise.

NoNewsisGood Wed 15-May-19 09:47:01

DH mentioned not being keen on jewellery when we were discussing marriage and true, in the over a decade we'd known each other he never once wore any sort of accessory, even a watch. Why would he suddenly want to start wearing one?

I used to wear more rings (pre DC) when dressing up for work or something, but I like to choose what and when and couldn't think that I'd have to wear the same thing every day. We decided neither of us were keen so didn't bother.

No reflection on our marriage other than that we talked about it before and listened to what each other wanted. Only think that makes us married is the certificate, not a ring, a fancy dress, name changing, etc. None of that other stuff actually means anything to anyone outside your marriage. As said above, if the marriage is not good, it's not good and people will cheat whilst wearing a wedding ring, sleep with someone wearing a wedding ring and also do those things when married or with someone they know is married, ring or no ring.

Poor guy, she should have listened to him beforehand when he said 'no' but in a nice way so as not to upset her. Tell her to sort her views out on what marriage actually is. hmm

Musti Wed 15-May-19 09:51:51

Wearing a ring is uncomfortable or weird until you get used to it. I used to wear a few rings and now only wear some when I gi out as I find them annoying. If he's never worn jewellery before then it'll feel weird.

WhoKnewBeefStew Wed 15-May-19 09:55:29

My dad never wore his ring (a lot to do with his job as a mechanic- it was dangerous), he only ever wore it on special occasions.

My friends dh never wears his. I don’t see the big deal tbh

firstimemamma Wed 15-May-19 10:02:32

I don't remember my late grandad ever wearing his and he and my late grandma were happily married for decades and until my grandma died (after she died he wore her wedding ring on a chain around his neck).

If my fiancé doesn't want to wear a ring once we get married, I wouldn't mind. It would really be neither here nor there to me. It's just a ring.

Ninkaninus Wed 15-May-19 10:05:15

My OH has always said he won’t wear one and it doesn’t bother me at all. He hates jewellery, the only thing he ever wears is a watch. He’s not the only one, either. Plenty of men don’t wear them.

It’s not even really traditional for men to do so, I don’t think. It’s only been happening for a few generations. It started during WW2 I believe.

I think she ought to seriously think about what marriage actually means.

louise5754 Wed 15-May-19 10:18:14

@MrsHormonal2019 how does your husband take pride in his wedding ring?

Curiousdad18 Wed 15-May-19 10:21:20

I never wore jewellery before marriage and hated wearing my wedding ring at the start. I used to take it off all the time to wash my hands and as soon as I got in from work it was thrown in a drawer.

I got used to it and now don't take it off ever. It's not unreasonable not to wear it but he should at least give it a go for a while to see if he gets used to it.

MumsyJ Wed 15-May-19 10:30:11

Although divorced now. But I'd love if a man wore his wedding ring, I just enjoy seeing men wearing their wedding rings ( just my personal thing, yea I know I'm weird smile). Having said this, I wouldn't be dramatic about it if he refused to wear his, could be some skin irritation they experience wearing the jewellery.

OP, your sis could equally take hers off to balance the equation aye. That way, no screams nor upsets. Better still, she could use hers as pendant on her necklace?

MintGreen Wed 15-May-19 10:44:58

I don't think it's a big deal - it's his hand so it's up to him whether he is comfortable wearing jewellery on it.
As for the fidelity aspect, wearing a ring in no way indicates faithfulness. I'm very ashamed of this but when I was young and stupid in my first graduate job a colleague pursued me and one thing led to another while we were working away. It was only when we were actually doing the deed that I noticed he was wearing a wedding ring! I was completely horrified as I had no idea he wasn't single and I had never noticed the ring before. Turns out he had a wife and three kids. Scumbag.

deydododatdodontdeydo Wed 15-May-19 10:50:31

He should definitely be forced to wear an item of jewellry he doesn't like wearing. How unreasonable of him!

DH used to have a variety of rings when we met, but 20 years later doesn't wear any of them except wedding ring.

HelloDoris Wed 15-May-19 10:52:42

My husband lost 2 rings just after our wedding 4 years ago and now does not bother wearing one. He can't wear a ring at work as it's a health and safety risk. It simply does not bother me at all, ring/no ring we are still married. I wear mine but i have always worn rings so it's normal for me to wear. He would not care if i decided to stop wearing mine, I very rarely wear my engagement ring as I have others i prefer more!

FizzyGreenWater Wed 15-May-19 15:05:53

Tell her to tell him that's fine but only if he now changes his name to hers.

HE NEEDS TO SHOW HIS LUUUURVE!

RamblinRosie Thu 16-May-19 01:15:52

My husband didn’t want a wedding ring, he doesn’t do jewellery and he loses anything. Not a problem!

RamblinRosie Thu 16-May-19 01:18:37

My husband didn’t want a wedding ring, he doesn’t do jewellery and he loses anything. Not a problem!

nocoolnamesleft Thu 16-May-19 01:25:23

My parents remain happily married after over 50 years. My dad has never worn a ring. Though he does like buying my mum nice rings...which is probably even better!

goose1964 Thu 16-May-19 10:10:00

My husband never wears his wedding ring, and I've not worn mine since I took it off, because of swollen fingers, and can't remember where I put it.

We are no less married because of it, over 30 years.

WeArnottamused Thu 16-May-19 10:23:26

My husband doesn’t wear his wedding ring, hasn’t done since about a week after we got married, he doesn’t like jewellery, has never worn anything other than a watch. Unfortunately he’s seen colleagues lose fingers getting their wedding rings caught leaping fences etc.

It doesn’t bother me, never has done as others have said it doesn’t make us any less married.

ChristmasFluff Thu 16-May-19 17:04:53

My Dad never had a ring, and was faithful until he died.

the abusive ex wore a 'wedding' ring even though we weren't married, and was constantly cheating. A ring means fuck all, so it's up to your sister if she wants to get upset about fuck all.

She could even stop wearing hers, if she doesn't want to continue a tradition borne out of ownership.

Nogoodusername Thu 16-May-19 17:38:15

Mine tried to wear his for a couple of months. Didn’t find it comfortable, so ditched it. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest - have been married over 10 years since!

DBML Thu 16-May-19 17:41:31

My husband doesn’t wear his ring because he got too fat for it. No problem.

IKnowYouAndYouCannotSing Thu 16-May-19 17:41:35

Historically wearing a wedding ring for a man is a bit common anyway. My husband doesn’t wear one and I couldn’t care less. I was given one in the ceremony but I don’t always wear it. I’ve got a ruby ring that my daughter brought me on a significant birthday which I often wear on that finger instead. It’s just jewellery, it’s just a symbol, not the actual marriage.

AdoraBell Thu 16-May-19 17:42:05

As I said to my DH before we got married, no one is obliged to wear a wedding ring.

GillBiggeloesHair Thu 16-May-19 17:44:50

My DH wore it on our wedding day in 2001 then never again.
He doesn't wear any jewellery, not even a watch.

ReanimatedSGB Thu 16-May-19 17:44:58

She could always piss in his pocket every morning if she's that desperate to mark her territory...

VeniVidiViciTwice Thu 16-May-19 18:13:56

My husband wears it on his right hand with a thin band holding it in place (it's too big) as he is too fucking tight to get it altered! Actually not sure why he wears it on his right hand though, he could put it on his left hand with a smaller one to hold in place...

I get she is frustrated, it bothered me at first but if his reasons are genuine, that he can't get on with jewellery and he has tried (although a week or two does seem a little short...) then she will have to accept it.

Biancadelrioisback Thu 16-May-19 18:19:59

Neither DH not I wear them. We're still married

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