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Who to call when domestic violence helpline won't answer

(26 Posts)
StupidSlimyGit Sun 12-May-19 00:08:34

Simply what I've put in the subject, I've been continuously calling for 90 minutes, I need to talk to someone and they won't answer, just keep getting the machine hanging up on me. Anyone any suggestions?

springydaff Fri 17-May-19 01:55:27


StupidSlimyGit Thu 16-May-19 21:19:26

I've phoned my manager who is amazing, (we recently had a new one incase anyone does a background check on my posting history) she's going to allow me to go back to work just for odd days here and there to keep my job open while I try to sort everything. She's also going to have a word with the people who have joined in his abuse and make it clear it won't be tolerated.
My health visitor is lovely and going to come see me again within the next week or two just to check on us and see if she can help, I hadn't thought of the local sure start centre, there is one not far, I don't know if it's self refferal or not but I'll give them a ring!

I am safe as is my daughter, the police have been involved, and I am now in the process of going to court

Thankyou for letting me rant and talk it out somewhere safe flowers

looondonn Thu 16-May-19 20:32:07

Wow this is so so similar to my own situation

We rang and rang for days and there was no answer

Are you safe now?
Can you get police involved ?
Any legal advice needed

Sounds like you have been brave

It took me 25 attempts and finally I did it
Few weeks ago he started ringing friends and work mates to tell them lies

How dare men do these things??!! Crazy !!

springydaff Thu 16-May-19 20:26:38

So sorry it's still rubbish op 🌸

Can you bring up the issue with the colleague's verbal abuse with the ptb at work?

Do see your HV to get some links to support. Is Surestart still going? I hear great things about them.

Freedom Programme take a while to get back. I hope they have creche facilities.

Hold on sweetie. I've had such tough times in my life and they're all over, they came to an end. Yours will too 🌸

StupidSlimyGit Thu 16-May-19 17:31:34

I'm sorry for how long it took me to get back to everyone. They phoned me back just before 4am in the end and helped me a little.
My social worker was supposed to have come out today but the case has been closed as they have no concerns about my daughters welfare while she's with me. I'm glad they don't have concerns but I need help! Going to try to talk to a manager tomorrow.
I've contacted the local freedom project and got no answer however if they do do a creche as they seem to in other areas then I'll attend.
Having issues with my ex trying to isolate me by telling lies to everyone to make out I'm a liar and I've kidnapped his daughter at the moment. Too frightened to go into work because last time I was there someone who knows him verbally attacked me over it. Just really low and feeling isolated right now. Thankyou everyone

asdou Mon 13-May-19 18:22:43

How are you doing now? Did you manage to get through to Women's Aid yet?

Twillow Sun 12-May-19 09:19:20

I can absolutely understand and feel how frustrated you are. You are trying to do all the right things and getting nowhere. BUT don't forget even though you are down right now you are amazingly strong to have got to this point.
I know it's not quite the same as having a conversation but if you want to go through any issues here, there are a lot of amazing people who will hold your hand and have suggestions/knowledge/experience that could help. flowers

proudestofmums Sun 12-May-19 09:13:20

You were NOT NOT NOT wasting the time of Samaritans. It is as important to help someone not getting to the stage of thinking about ending their life as to help them when they are at that stage

Mary1935 Sun 12-May-19 07:10:04

Hi Slimy - I’m sorry you are having such a tough time, well done for getting away from your abusive partner with your young daughter.
Do you have an real life support. Yes do try your local women’s aid - I’m sorry services are shit at time and unavailable. This can be a trigger.
you seem very isolated - are you able to get to any mother and toddler groups, some church ones can be helpful - (im not religious).
Google ginger bread - there maybe a local group.
The freedom course I did had a crèche - hopefully if social services are involved they may assist with childcare.
What’s the social worker meant to be doing. Sadly there are useless ones too. Yes to contacting her manager to complain - if she hasn’t yet referred you.
There is an organisation called Home start that can support mums at home if you need it. You can self refer. How often is your social worker in contact with you.
Keep posting if it helps - 🌺

StupidSlimyGit Sun 12-May-19 01:55:20

I've just spoken to the samaritans and while they were lovely they just think I need to speak to the domestic violence people so I think I'm just giving up for tonight because I don't want to waste any more of their time when they could be helping someone escape . I can't cope and my daughter will be up in four hours so I need to try to get an hour or two if sleep anyway. Thank you

SandyY2K Sun 12-May-19 01:39:41

You need to complain to your SWs manager. The forgetting isn't acceptable in this situation.

The SW should have both a supervisor and a team manager. Find out who it is and put your complaint in writing...or if you want it actioned even quicker...I'd put your complaint to the Director of Children's Services, via the corporate complaints department.

Your can find out the name of the director on the Council's website.

wobblebot Sun 12-May-19 01:24:13

I agree with @springydaff I really hope you find ways of making positive steps forward in your recovery

springydaff Sun 12-May-19 01:00:02

Of course you should moan! Everything is relative and just because some have it worse doesn't mean it's not fucking hard for you right now xx

Applesandpears23 Sun 12-May-19 00:59:47

The samaritans will listen even if you are crying. I hope you get some support soon.

springydaff Sun 12-May-19 00:58:59

oh god that's crap to get through and she cuts the call! I'm so sorry flowers

I'm so sorry this is so tough for you. It won't last forever, it will end, but for now it's very hard. The time will come when this is over and you will look back and wonder how you got through it - but you did.

Be kind kind kind to yourself. Know there are many who know how hard this is, how hard these hard times can be. Take it a day at a time and don't look ahead, just get through today xoxox

StupidSlimyGit Sun 12-May-19 00:55:31

I'm sorry you're right there's plenty of women who haven't got safe, I shouldn't moan.

asdou Sun 12-May-19 00:53:57

You're safe now, that's your main thing to think about. The rest might take time. I'm sorry it's so shit btw. It shouldn't be this bad.

Do you just need someone to talk to?

StupidSlimyGit Sun 12-May-19 00:48:02

Just got through and because I keep crying she couldn't work out what I was saying and decided it would be best if I tried another day when I am calmer and hung up. Even they cba with me right now.

GP is useless, literally no help at all, my physiatrist keeps sending me to see a student go instead of him and she just reads questions of a screen then typed the answers she won't even look at me, I've asked 5 times now to see someone different and they keep giving me her. My health visitor is lovely and usually my first port of call but because social are involved she keeps referring me back to my daughters social worker who promises things to be done within a week, and eben with me phoning twice a week nothing happens cuz she forgets. She even went on a weeks holiday without leaving any notes or anything the duty worker could look at.

I'd love to do the freedom project but the nearest to me is an hour away and for obvious reasons they don't allow children, problem being I have no one who can look after my daughter for me while I have a shower let alone attend any time of course so I haven't been able to attend (I'm also on unpaid leave from work for the same reason) . I'm hoping once she's old enough for nursery I can attend.

springydaff Sun 12-May-19 00:38:58

I'm so sorry to hear this, I really am op.

Please please don't take it personally. It really is because of crap funding - and, of course, an increase in domestic abuse awareness now the laws have changed and people are more aware.

Have you got your GP and HV onside? They have a lot of clout when it comes to it. ime I have to badger them if I want something done, I have to be pushy.

Well done for getting out. You've done the very best thing for you and your daughter flowers

Have you done the Freedom Programme? Apart from being a life changing course you do make some essential contacts and share info and strategies. It is a wonderful course, do go if you haven't done it already xx

StupidSlimyGit Sun 12-May-19 00:36:18

I'm not sure I could type out everything that's happened coherently, it's just been horrible, and the complete lack of any support available for people who left on their own while waiting for help isn't making any sense. Just exhausted emotionally and physically.
Should probably clarify daughter has a social worker because of her dad, they're not concerned about me or her living with me hence their lack of monkeys to give. He however after years of grinding me away is getting loads of support and advice on how to improve and move forward so he can start seeing her again

StupidSlimyGit Sun 12-May-19 00:25:32

That's the one I'm calling and I thought overnight might be best hence the time. I can't really call during the day anyway because my daughters awake.
I've tried my local women's aid and been waiting for a response from them for 2 months.
I managed to get my daughter and myself to out of the property on my own and because of that no one will help me at all. Its like because I'm out they don't give a monkeys. My daughters social worker is supposed to have made a refferal to a support team a month ago but she "forgot" despite me calling to ask about it twice. Just not coping. Thank you for replying tho

Smiler1972 Sun 12-May-19 00:21:34

I hope you get the support you need soon. If you are in immediate danger please call 999.

springydaff Sun 12-May-19 00:21:14

And not or! Do try those numbers but post here if it helps xx

springydaff Sun 12-May-19 00:20:42

Or post about it on here?

springydaff Sun 12-May-19 00:20:16

So sorry this is happening op flowers

Are you calling Womens Aid 0808 2000 247? The lines are very busy, sadly. It is best to call overnight if you can?

Also call your local Womens Aid and leave a message, or call on Monday.

Sadly, the funding for these organisations is not great, hence very jammed phone lines. But keep trying and you'll eventually get there.

It may take a while to get the ball rolling but keep at it. I hope you get the right support soon op xx

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