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Can I leave 'just because'?

(32 Posts)
Longestlurkerintheworld Sat 11-May-19 22:15:32

Just because I don't want this relationship any more?

I have a small baby with my 'D'P, we've been together a good few years though the earlier years were really tough and there were a lot of issues in our relationship. The last 12 month's though have really improved, we don't argue, were financially comfortable together. Life is good if I'm honest.

But I don't want to be with him any more. There's too much water under the bridge from previous problems and I resent him. He has a daughter from a previous relationship as well, step parenting isn't for me. I hate the fact he had a first wife, I hate the fact he speaks to her daily. It's not him it's me, I know.

If I'm honest though I don't even think I can give one good reason to end the relationship, just loads of petty little ones. But I think I've just had enough now.
Can I just leave with a little baby? How do I even go about putting life back together after ?
I just can't get my head around how I feel at the moment other than I don't want this anymore even though I know leaving will make everyone's life so much more difficult.
What is wrong with me ?

Longestlurkerintheworld Thu 16-May-19 07:18:59

Not married, house is rented and his name only on tenancy, no joint accounts. I have a small amount of savings, he doesn't so I know he will inevitably argue half of those are his.
I would ideally like to have a pretty amicable split, go our separate ways and only contact each other to discuss child related stuff but don't think that'll happen.
He'll argue about money, car, childcare etc.
Technically there isn't really anything to split, what's mine is mine and what's his is his but he won't see it like that

pashola Thu 16-May-19 07:30:32

I can't quite work out what is wrong, when things were awful between us I loved him so much and I desperately made things work, going above and beyond to fix everything. Now it's fixed I just resent him and dislike him ?

I just wanted to say that this part really resonated with me as I feel exactly the same within my marriage.
I feel like I tried so hard for so long and now that he is actually making an effort to try himself the resentment from the past is too much to ignore.
We're about to have a trial separation.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Happynow001 Thu 16-May-19 10:26:14

* I have a small amount of savings, he doesn't so I know he will inevitably argue half of those are his.*
If you are unmarried he can argue but those funds are yours - unless someone knows better?

Where would you live once you split? Do you have parents who could put you up for a while? I'd quietly put some contingency plans in place ahead of your conversation.

EKGEMS Thu 16-May-19 14:00:48

It's too damn bad he has no savings you aren't married he has no legal claim to anything of yours! BTW you can end a relationship whenever due to whatever you please

DMN2019 Thu 16-May-19 14:32:48

Make a plan about the practical things like finance and accomodation. Then think about a support system you could rely on. Do you have any family or friends you think could help? You sound like you've made up your mind but with a young child scared of how you will manage.

I wouldn't worry about big conversations with him as it sounds like you've been through a lot and have made a decision keeping the best in mind for yourself and your child. Use your energy to think about a plan and life without him. Once you have organised yourself, you can make him aware of your decision, discuss access to your child and walk out gracefully.

If a part of you still wants to be with him, by all means, have conversations and try and work things out. If you know you don't, then this is about you so put yourself and your child first and he can be informed once you're ready.

Hope things work out for you regardless of what you decide x

Longestlurkerintheworld Thu 16-May-19 20:59:22

I was under the impression that as we arnt married and there are no joint accounts it is pretty much what's mine is mine and what's his is his basically ? I am prepared to be corrected though.

I have a small amount of savings (hundreds rather than thousands) and I am hoping that this will secure a deposit on somewhere new to rent. I am going to hold off the chat until I have at least 2 months rent sorted as well as I'm hoping that will be enough until my universal credit is changed. I don't have a particularly lavish lifestyle and live in a fairly low cost area.
I have a credit card that is completely paid off now so I do have that as a back up I guess.
Family are pretty helpful with childcare, but since i have been with him I have slowly lost contact with a lot of friends so have little by way of support there.
I think that is my plan which sort of covers the basics unless I have missed any thing?

I already know he will argue over finances and childcare. He's like that. It could be so easy and amicable, I have no wish to stop him seeing our child but he'll make it difficult which is a shame.

category12 Thu 16-May-19 21:05:29

Your savings are safe, he has no legal claim on them.

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