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Partner doesn't want contact with son if we split up

(51 Posts)
Mum2one2019 Wed 01-May-19 23:12:12

Hi, I'll give you some background to our relationship, we've been together for 12 years, almost 3 years ago I fell pregnant. Partner was not supportive throughout the pregnancy, he kept changing his mind whether he wanted to be involved or not, it was very stressful for me! Anyway since the day of our sons birth he has been a good dad, always playing with him, buying him stuff and just generally being the caring doting dad. The other day we had a big argument and I said I've had enough of the arguments and him belittling me so we should end it. His response was that he wouldn't see his son if we split up as he doesn't want to be a part time dad or part of a "broken" family. Apparently it would be my fault that he wouldn't see his son because I'm the one ending it. This left me heartbroken for my son. I went to see him today and he has calmed down but I just can't get over his morals or lack of. How can you raise and love your child for 2 years then turn your back on them? He says I have bad ethics and am selfish?? May I add we don't live together so he is effectively only a part time dad anyway. I'm just baffled, I know it will be hard to co parent, but surely that's better than having two parents together that argue. And surely leaving your son fatherless is worse than being a part time dad. I'm left with all the guilt as if it's all my fault.

Bruisetooeasily Fri 03-May-19 09:52:02

Similar situation here OP ex said same that he wanted nothing to do with dc if I were to spilt up with him.
He tried every manipulative tactic to force me to stay in a relationship that I knew wasn't even a relationship as like you we were not living together ,he was not providing any financial support whatsoever and it had got to the stage he 'd only see dc if I delivered them to his parents home where they could take charge.

He was telling the truth though as he really didn't want to parent his dc fullstop. I ended it and the manipulation continued including accusations that he didn't believe dc was even his /having dc gets in way of his social life. He even tried to stop gps from remaining in contact. The worst was him wanting dc put up for adoption.
He eventually moved away, dc were unaware for almost a year gps kept it a secret.

Two decades later dc have seen him handful of times by accident in gps home and still don't have a clue were he lives abroad. He played the ultimate victim by pinning his no contact on meangry
So be prepared Op for all sorts of shit but do not let your now exes reluctance to step up and parent stop you from getting on with your life.

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