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(176 Posts)
AnotherOneBitesTheDust Wed 01-May-19 12:52:10

Going through a pretty rough time at the moment (in the grand scheme of world miseries not so rough, but it's all subjective).....was dumped after a huge row, currently 10 days no contact. Does anyone have any stories of the other person realising their life was miserable without you and coming back? I need some hope to fuel my fantasies!

Fonduefrolics Wed 01-May-19 13:19:53

No contact? Have you tried to contact them or are you waiting for them to contact you? Was it definitely a dumping situation? After 10 days of no contact I wouldn’t bother to chase them but only you know how important this relationship is to you.

AnotherOneBitesTheDust Wed 01-May-19 13:25:05

Thanks for replying. Easter weekend was the last communication and there has been nothing since then. I decided to hold on to a bit of dignity and stop trying from that point.

Fonduefrolics Wed 01-May-19 13:33:20

It’s probably for the best OP. It does get easier with time. They know where you are if they have a change of heart - but are they really worth it?

Also just wanted to add that in the grand scheme of things most worries are insignificant but it doesn’t stop them from effecting our emotions. Your feelings are your feelings, I hope you feel better soon x

Dinky123 Wed 01-May-19 13:35:03

Hey- have been looking for a no contact thread.

Got to day 7 no contact yesterday and then decided to message him which resulted in going over to his house. Ended up in a huge argument and now back to day 1. Feeling utterly shit.

Sending hugs to you x

AnotherOneBitesTheDust Wed 01-May-19 13:40:38

They are probably not worth it, it's been a long time coming but hurts more than I thought it would. I'm in my 30s too and feel like I should be past feeling like this!

Oh no! Whenever you start the contact again you quickly remember why it was best not speaking.....a few days after that you are back to missing them though. I found the first week relatively ok, probably because its happened so much I was used to the routine, but now it's new territory my mind is in overdrive!!

I dont know how to tag for the individual replies sorry!

Dinky123 Wed 01-May-19 13:45:39

Yes we were defo not ready to be in the same room as each other. Was just awkward and neither one of us knew how to act.

Felt so proud of myself for getting to a week. Gutted that I am now back on day 1. Determined to do better this time around though.

Is there any chance of getting back together?X

Tucobenedicto Wed 01-May-19 13:51:05

You must know yourself deep down if this will ever work..go with your gut..if you think you can save things then contact him..just waiting for the other person to make the first move is a bit childish..good luck

AnotherOneBitesTheDust Wed 01-May-19 13:51:38

What happened to cause the break up? I'm still in the miserable stage so I want there to a reconciliation but I know it's not for the best. In a selfish way I want him to be miserable ha.

AnotherOneBitesTheDust Wed 01-May-19 13:53:36

I'm not really waiting for him to make the first move to be honest. I said how I felt when we last spoke, either he was still annoyed or he just doesnt care and as time goes on I think it's the latter. No point me getting in touch to repeat what I've already said before.

Tucobenedicto Wed 01-May-19 14:00:19

It's a horrible time and we have all been in your situation...I used to lie in bed and think all sorts of rubbish so forced myself to get up and keep busy..it does help a bit if your mind is on other things

AnotherOneBitesTheDust Wed 01-May-19 14:17:53

I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself to be honest. It was only a couple of years and there were lots of ups and downs but it hurts more than the end of a relationship which lasted 4 times as long. I will be feeling ok and then it's the thought that it will be months of feeling rubbish that makes me panic and sets it back again!

Tucobenedicto Wed 01-May-19 14:34:36

I feel your pain cause it's horrible...you are wondering what they are doing and secretly hoping they are feeling as miserable as you...have you any friends you can talk to cause that helps and also lots of wine....

AnotherOneBitesTheDust Wed 01-May-19 14:53:45

Yup exactly that. You just feel pathetic that your feelings are dependant upon someone else's actions. I know they shouldn't be, but they are. Just one message would make all the sick feelings vanish (probably for only a short period of time but it would be some relief!) I wish I was the sort of person who could just throw myself into moving on but I just feel worse. Hopefully this stage will pass quickly but I'm not holding out much hope!

Ariela Wed 01-May-19 14:59:39

I hope you're holding out till they DO make contact and then you can say 'Sorry, do I know you?'

AnotherOneBitesTheDust Wed 01-May-19 15:15:30

That's the dream Ha.

Tucobenedicto Wed 01-May-19 15:19:58

Don't make yourself ill...send a txt if you think it will make you feel better...the reply might then tell you all you need to know

Whatisgoingonwithmylife Wed 01-May-19 15:21:57

Gosh, yes! I’m here! I ended things and went NC following lots of silent treatments etc. It has been 10 weeks! Every single day gets easier but I still miss him, love him, want to talk to him! He’s reached out twice but I can’t keep doing it to myself, the situation was toxic and we both deserve more! What a sorry state of affairs sad

mjvb123 Wed 01-May-19 15:36:28

I'm almost 6 months NC... (from my side)
My ex did come out of the woodwork two months ago, rather cowardly through a mutual friend of ours.
I've not heard anything else since, and though I have had times when I've been tempted to text/call, I've always managed to talk myself out of it.
Because I realised; that me no longer being available to him, is a pretty natural consequence of his decision. He knows where I am. If he wanted to make amends, then he would make decisive action to do so.
I have been where you are, some days still, I am right back at that stage. But I do honestly think time and space is needed to allow objectivity and to grieve the end of the relationship.
Plus; how is he ever going to miss you, or regret the loss of you from his life, if you are there at the end of the phone reminding him of your existence and craving validation!
Honestly, I do understand. But please allow yourself (and him) some space. If he is meant to come back, then he will.
Be kind to yourself.

AnotherOneBitesTheDust Wed 01-May-19 15:48:25

10 weeks.......wow!!! I admire your will power. 10 weeks is the stuff of dreams right now. What did you do to help you through it?

AnotherOneBitesTheDust Wed 01-May-19 15:51:23

mjvb123 very good advice thank you. What will be will be I guess. I thought I had a pretty thick skin until this, nothing seems to phase me much, but this has completely knocked me.

Knackeredmommy Wed 01-May-19 18:55:44

10 weeks here too, actually messaged him about 3 weeks ago regarding some mail that came for him, no reply. Ah well! The time apart is good, the longer the nc the more time to reflect. Don't wait, just work on yourself.

Lau247 Wed 01-May-19 19:23:22

@anotheronebitesthedust I’m currently
On day 15 no contact and started my own thread the other day. Sounds a bit similar to your situation on and off and became toxic like you I’ve been through this routine with him many a times before but never get past a few days or a week.. but this time it’s different and I am determined to break the cycle as I’m 29 and want find someone to settle down and have children and he’s very immature. I haven’t heard a word from him and I don’t think I will although a small part of me hopes he will miraculously change and realise what he’s lost..

In my experience men always always come back eventually but generally when you do not want them too and literally could not give a shit anymore and have most likely moved on. Where as us women when we are over someone that is it we don’t look back.

I have had many times where I’ve broken contact we’ve argued and I’ve regretted it or we have been okay for a few weeks then something happens again and it is just not worth it!

In my opinion if a man really wanted to be with you and valued your Rship they would not go days without contacting you.

10 days is a long time to get too i often even struggled to get past a few days before I would end up messaging him and he would reply with huge essays about how he is going to change but literally the very next day would be doing the same things that caused the argument.

I try to keep busy be around friends etc and do things for myself I do want to text him sometimes but as I have been through this so many times I just have nothing left to say even if I did I really wouldn’t know what to say that’s how I know it is the end for real.

Keep going you can do it !

AnotherOneBitesTheDust Wed 01-May-19 22:52:44

@Lau247 I have just read your thread and your situation sounds so similar to mine. Maybe we were dating the same person?! I also live on my own no kids, friends all have families etc which makes it tough. I agree, if a man wants you, you know about it so the fact this time has passed tells me all I need to know really. You go through a stage of denial though dont you, making excuses for why there has been no contact....maybe he has lost his phone...been abducted by aliens....lost the use of his hands.... It's silly really but guess it's part of the process. I'm trying to keep busy but it's hard to find the motivation isn't it? 15 days is really good! I'm like you really, I do miss him, I do love him but I just have nothing left to say and am exhausted by it all to be honest. I'm still holding out hope he will be at my door next week crying his eyes out saying how stupid he has been, I really dont think it's a lot to ask.....ha... Never going to happen, but the fantasy keeps me going!

Lau247 Wed 01-May-19 23:47:59

@anotheronebitesthedust Lool they sound very similar! Yeah I agree you wound know about it but then again 10 days isn’t that long really depending on how long you were together and why you broke up... I think I’m past the denial stage I know he hasn’t contacted me cos he doesn’t want to and cos he thinks I will as of recently I’ve always been the one to break no contact.. but I have been in the in-denial stage before I do also have a habit of checking when he’s online on WhatsApp #stalker..

Sometimes it’s hard to find the motivation yes but I do force myself and I am really in a different place to where I was when we last stopped talking but it isn’t easy to get here and I could wake up one day and feel completely different.

Did he have a tendency to turn up at yours before ? Mine always used to do that when we argued or didn’t speak he would turn up here if I didn’t answer my buzzer he would leave notes on my car or in my letter box he has put pictures of me and him together along with long letters in my letter box .. he is 32 you can see by these actions he is very immature however he doesn’t do any of these things anymore I just don’t hear from him.

What is keeping me going is that if I don’t do this now then I won’t have what I want in life.. if they ever did genuinely want to change they have our number and know where we are they would make it known.

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