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Please can someone help me understand this

(7 Posts)
waitrose Tue 17-Jul-07 00:15:36

Ok last year met someone at work, instant attraction, very flirty behaviour and lots of conversation with inneuendos. Finally culminated in us getting together on a night out however he then told me he had a gf at which point it was a no go. I then moved areas and lo and behold 5 months later he got a job in the same area. We have seen each other in between this and have still been really friendly never really talked about that night, he never talks about his gf. Since working together all the converstions hae started agian the standing too close etc. It was giving me brain ache so I asked him straight out how he felt only for him to say it was just friends because that was all it ever could be. Didn't really believe him so pushed it and he told me he was just sticking his head in the sand. Cut a long story short we got together again on a night out last week after his gf had left, awful I know he was being very flirty even when she was there. Since then he's been texting me but then said tonight that it couldn't happen again it mustn't happen again and we were friends just friends. I got very upset as I sad I felt he was the one who was leading it. He has apologised profusely and gone on to say how attractive I am and he can't bear to loose my friendship. I'm struggling with this would you not just back off and not be worried about loosing a friend if your realtionship was in trouble I aslo think he's protesting a bit too much. Would like to just ignore him but it's really hard as we work so closely. Lot of the team have been passing comments about our closeness recently. Sorry very long but can't sleep.

poptot Tue 17-Jul-07 00:20:49

Umm does sound like he is protesting a bit too much perhaphs he wants a relationship with you but obviously can't because of his girlfriend.

DangerousBeans Tue 17-Jul-07 00:22:57

Run like the wind away from him, and find your own man.
Stop fuelling his ego.
He wants to have his cake and eat it.
And you're letting him.

LoveAngel Tue 17-Jul-07 06:23:46

What DangerousBeans said.

BandofMuggles Tue 17-Jul-07 06:27:58

If he wont leave her then you will probably get hurt and so will his gf.
Perhaps it's time for an ultimatum: Leave her, or leave me alone.

flightattendant Tue 17-Jul-07 08:28:44

I'm sorry, think you're being mucked about too much.
I was with a married man for 4 years and it was awful, probably much worse for his poor wife and he was on and off with me all that time.
I really thought he loved me, but he never did choose me, even after he left her...he went off with another woman instead.

I know exactly how hard it is to leave someone if you adore them - every breath I took, every thought I had was for that man I loved - so I won't tell you to leave him. But please know he's treating you and her very badly.

Think of it like this, you're thinking only of him, but he isn't considering your feelings or hers at all. That might just make you angry and embarrassed with yourself enough to leave...atleast until he makes a choice between you and her.

I have a feeling he would still be drawn to her even if he left you - you would never know if he was still seeing her, obviously he's capable of deception...my ex was, on a grand scale, and in the end he cheated on me between leaving his wife and getting it on with the other woman.

I deserved it I daresay, but I imagine he is still lying and having affairs, it's a compulsion and I am a much less angry person these days since he left my life.
Sorry bit of a rant...
Good luck

boogiewoogie Tue 17-Jul-07 08:56:45

He's already told you that he had a gf and that you could only ever be friends. I know you must be hurt because of the rejection but his gf would be too if she found out. Obvious that he was just having his cake and eating it imho. Sorry if that's not really what you want to hear.

There are plenty of nice single men out there, you need to find one who is more deserving of you.

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