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Husband sulking if i ask for help with DC

(329 Posts)
CyclingMumKingston Sun 28-Apr-19 15:38:51

My husband rolls his eyes and sighs loudly if i ask him to help, but luckily he still helps

Yesterday he was in the shower at 7pm after coming from his bike ride and toddler was crying for food

So i told DH that dinner was ready and if he could please take it out of the oven and put it in our toddler's plate as i was breastfeeding our newborn

I cant open the oven with a newborn latched on (baby is very colicky and when he latches on it s often after an hour of crying his heart out)

If i ask DH why is he sulking, he says that I am only asking him to help because i am just jealous of him having a moment for himself (bike ride + shower)

He works 5 days a week and would like to relax a bit. I m on maternity leave this year.


CoffeeConnoisseur Sun 28-Apr-19 16:29:27

You’ve kind of set yourself up for this by being in the frame of mind that “luckily” he’s “helping” you, rather than simply parenting his children.

WTFisThat Sun 28-Apr-19 16:33:07

I'm fucking sure you'd like to relax too! You're married to a selfish knob...they are his children too.

Creatureofthenight Sun 28-Apr-19 16:33:25

Let’s reword your first sentence OP.
“My husband rolls his eyes and sighs loudly if I ask him to parent his children...”
See the difference?

I honestly can’t believe how many of these arseholes are out there. It’s thoroughly depressing. If he wants to go cycling why can’t he go when the toddler is fed and in bed?

ragfarm Sun 28-Apr-19 16:40:32

Hate this attitude! I have a 2 year old, work full time and my partner is a sahd. When I get in I do whatever is needed for my toddler - playing, bath, snack etc. Certainly don't think I am 'helping' him, I am taking care of my child.

Itsnotme123 Sun 28-Apr-19 16:46:07

I was married to one of these. How blind I was.

Arrowfanatic Sun 28-Apr-19 16:57:02

Its not "helping" its being a father, the thing he agreed to when he went to bed with you knowing there was no birth control in play.

My husband is no angel, his idea of cooking the kids dinner is ordering pizza. However he is hands on, even more so as the kids have grown and needed my boobs less grin

Tell your husband when he comes home from work and at weekends he has to adjust from work mode to parent mode and deal with it. And oh hes so right, me time is important so schedule yours in asap. Even if its just an hour walking round the shop between feeds.

GertrudeCB Sun 28-Apr-19 17:01:01

It isn't helping, its parenting.
He sounds like a selfish knob.

EKGEMS Sun 28-Apr-19 17:04:30

Had no idea jackasses have evolved enough to cycle!!!!

lunicorn Sun 28-Apr-19 17:04:52

Definitely take the word 'helping' out of this.

If he genuine feels put out when you ask for help, then in his mind, he goes to work and you don't, so he needs time off and you don't. How deluded and mean is that. You deserve better.

And this thing that he thinks you're playing games here. Even if you are, he is in the wrong. He needs to do his part.

SometimesIGetNervous Sun 28-Apr-19 17:34:36

I despair at threads like this.

Where is your time off? When is your time to relax?

It’s not fucking ‘helping’, it’s parenting.

And why is it always fucking cycling?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 28-Apr-19 17:36:52

OP hasn't come back. Probably busy breastfeeding one child, feeding another with a broom up her arse to sweep the floor at the same time.

Maybe we should ask for a Lycra ban to support women. Or a massive tax on it to fund divorce lawyers.

IggyAce Sun 28-Apr-19 17:39:38

@EspressoX10 I agree and golfers too. How much free time are you getting OP?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 28-Apr-19 17:42:02

Golfers, cricketers, runners do this sometimes. Cyclists and sexist arseholes, the Venn diagram is a circle.

MaybeitsMaybelline Sun 28-Apr-19 17:42:43

Ha ha Zoobeedo, I thought the same! What is it with these bike riding DHs?

Never settle down with a Cyclist MNetters, they seem the most self centred dicks around.

peppaisannoying Sun 28-Apr-19 17:43:18

Op I feel for you but you say "luckily he still helps". Fuck the luckily part. He should help raise the children he is equally responsible, bare minimum.

When do you get some down time?

I agree it's always fucking cyclists, my sister is married to one and he was just as fucking selfish before dc!

SometimesIGetNervous Sun 28-Apr-19 17:49:21

My DH works 5 days a week, has the DC whilst I work 12 hours shifts on a weekend. Because he’s their Dad. I come home to my dinner cooked and him tidying up. Just like he does when I’m home.

You’re supposed to be a team. Not one person on their knees with exhaustion and the other going ‘oh I’m such an important man because I work.’ Who gives shit, you work, big fucking deal. Lots of parents work and still manage to look after our children. It’s not an opt out thing.

CyclingMumKingston Sun 28-Apr-19 17:50:30

Wow! So many responses!
I get an hour on Saturday and an hour on Sunday for myself to go to the gym next door.

It s very helpful to see how by replacing the word "helping" with "parenting" it s so much clearer that husband is being selfish

How do i get him to be more hands on though?
He just says he is tired and if he cant relax, he cant function at work
Do i leave and go to a hotel (no family here)?
If i do, do i bring my toddler with me?
He would miss all his toys and be hard work
I would be even more exhausted if i left for a couple of days with 2 young DC

How do i get DH to see some sense?

Thanks everyone x

CyclingMumKingston Sun 28-Apr-19 17:51:51

I meant, do i leave for a day or two?
Husband is still sulking and sleeping in the guest room as he is offended

sackrifice Sun 28-Apr-19 17:52:05

It sounds like he needs some practice at parenting so you need to discuss with him how he is going to get more hands on.

Mintandthyme Sun 28-Apr-19 17:52:37

Did he want children?
Was he like this after the first one ?

LinoleumBlownapart Sun 28-Apr-19 17:54:07

Show him this

keepyerbrowson Sun 28-Apr-19 17:56:00

Don't go anywhere. Tell him to leave.

mummmy2017 Sun 28-Apr-19 17:59:54

Don't do that.. once you ask him to leave it can finish your marriage...
Tell him he is quiet right about me time...
Now if he has his when does he want the children so you can have yours....

Quartz2208 Sun 28-Apr-19 18:04:31

What is he like chore wise

Personally I would stop doing anything for him - stop helping him, stop cooking for him

And get more time at the gym

Do not leave the house though

Quartz2208 Sun 28-Apr-19 18:05:31

and leave him to sleep in the guest room - he is waiting for you to back down and say sorry

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