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Husband sulking if i ask for help with DC

(329 Posts)
CyclingMumKingston Sun 28-Apr-19 15:38:51

My husband rolls his eyes and sighs loudly if i ask him to help, but luckily he still helps

Yesterday he was in the shower at 7pm after coming from his bike ride and toddler was crying for food

So i told DH that dinner was ready and if he could please take it out of the oven and put it in our toddler's plate as i was breastfeeding our newborn

I cant open the oven with a newborn latched on (baby is very colicky and when he latches on it s often after an hour of crying his heart out)

If i ask DH why is he sulking, he says that I am only asking him to help because i am just jealous of him having a moment for himself (bike ride + shower)

He works 5 days a week and would like to relax a bit. I m on maternity leave this year.


FuckingHadEnough Sun 28-Apr-19 15:43:35

YANBU your husband need to grow up. Being a parent is 24/7. He doesn't get to have weekends off to himself whilst you look after the kids. That's just unreasonable and ridiculous. Does he think maternity leave is a holiday? Do you get time to yourself to do whatever you like?

cece Sun 28-Apr-19 15:43:51

He is not helping. He is caring for his own child. He is a knob for sulking and why is he spending so much time on his hobby when there's two children who need parenting?

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman Sun 28-Apr-19 15:46:20

YANBU. They're his kids too - and how much time do you get to yourself?

SignedUpJust4This Sun 28-Apr-19 15:46:21

What a selfish prick. Let him know that even though my husband works long hours he does all the cooking and washing up as well as bedtime for the older ones because he knows how hard breastfeeding is. When do you get to have down time? What is it with these cyclists? Does he frequently go for bike rides & showers at dinner time?

EspressoX10 Sun 28-Apr-19 15:49:34

Another cyclist! This should be studied.

NCbilliontimes Sun 28-Apr-19 15:56:08

He’s being a dick!
I’m bf-ing, my DH works 15/16 hour days. Sometimes gets in without having eaten all day and he’s fucked. If I’m having a hard time with the kids, I don’t even need to ask, he just steps in and does it. Then he’ll have a bath then cook my dinner, unless by some act of god DD has got off me long enough for me to get to the kitchen.

Quartz2208 Sun 28-Apr-19 16:00:26

He needs to stop thinking of it as asking for help and start thinking of it as being his responsibility as much as yours

FFS his child is crying and he is complaining. You married an arse

But actually your biggest issue is clearly he prioritises cycling - going out at that time when he had a toddler who needed feeding and a wife with a crying baby is selfish and horrible

thecatsarecrazy Sun 28-Apr-19 16:04:42

My dh does this. We have 3 children oldest 2 are 12 and 10 youngest 2. He's done it for all 3. A loud sigh every time i ask for help. Never baths lo because his back hurts apparently. Only happens when I ask for help. Im so tempted one Saturday to just leave the house and go somewhere all day. Last me time having a hair cut and he kept texting asking what was going on and how long was I going to be

mummmy2017 Sun 28-Apr-19 16:07:24

Play him at his own game...
Yes darling you are so right we should have me time, I am do pleased you feel like this...
Tomorrow you can have the kids so I can go do X alone...
Thank you honey for realising this....

HoustonBess Sun 28-Apr-19 16:08:14

He works 5 days a week and would like to relax a bit.

Tell him you work 24/7, recently carried and birthed a baby and would like to relax a bit.

He needs to understand the kids are a joint responsibility. I suggest making him take toddler away or for full days at weekend.

Nip this in the bud or it'll never get any better.

BumbleBeee69 Sun 28-Apr-19 16:09:08

My husband rolls his eyes and sighs loudly if i ask him to help, but luckily he still helps

I wouldn't call this lucky.. far from it hmm

I call him an arrogant self consumed selfish Prick.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 28-Apr-19 16:09:55

Another cyclist! This should be studied.

It is weird.

BTW it's not 'helping' it's doing the bare minimum parenting and care of your own home. Because he made them and he lives there. Hes not doing you a bloody favour.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 28-Apr-19 16:10:30

You must have known what a self-centered, selfish prick he was before you had children, surely?

sackrifice Sun 28-Apr-19 16:10:56

Lucky if he helps?

Fuck sake.

RomanyQueen1 Sun 28-Apr-19 16:12:41

He shouldn't be helping. It's not helping it's parenting a very small percent of what he should be doing by the sounds of it.
He should be taking over when he comes in and at the weekend.
No rest or me time when you have babies.
Show him this thread, what an excuse for a husband and father.

keepyerbrowson Sun 28-Apr-19 16:15:47

I'm sorry to read that you married such a loser and that your kids have such a selfish father. I'm even more sorry to read that you don't fully realise it.

GarkandGookin Sun 28-Apr-19 16:19:20

I work with someone who has a two month old baby. He works full time and his wife is on maternity leave. On Friday I said 'have a good weekend' and he told me his wife is going away on a hen do so he has the baby alone for the weekend, which will be 'fun but a bit full-on'.
He did NOT suggest he was 'helping', just being the full time parent for a couple of days.
This is normal and your husband is BVU.

MrsBobDylan Sun 28-Apr-19 16:21:19

I'm depressed for you op. This man must have some other outstanding characteristics to feel so comfortable behaving like a selfish piece of shit.

I might suggest agreeing with him that you do resent his 'me time' because it's something you never have and he behaves like such a dick the rest of the time it's not as if he's even earned any 'me time'.

I would also tell him that if he carries on in this useless manner, he is welcome to absent himself from family life on a permanent basis as you and the children with have no use for him.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 28-Apr-19 16:22:22

And I always say this...

Either full time parenting is hard and you therefore need a break as much as him. Or it's easy and you're breezing around doing nothing. In which case it would be easy and restful for him as well.

DameFanny Sun 28-Apr-19 16:25:12

Another fucking MAMIL. What an arse he is.

Zoobedoo Sun 28-Apr-19 16:26:20

Why are these twatface husband's always cyclists? I agree, definitely needs studying!

blackcat86 Sun 28-Apr-19 16:26:33

DH started doing this after DD was born and morphed in to an utter arsehole. I found commenting on my observation very helpful as he would be fine until there was any suggestion that he may need to do something however small. I would literally point out to him that he'd been fine until I'd mentioned that he could do a night feed, activity with DD or whatever. It worked and things improved because he couldn't wrangle out of it and deny the dynamic. I also made DH redundant doing all the things he would usually do so I'd make sure the bins were already out when he got back or the dishwasher was done because why should he pick and choose, and I should obviously get used to doing it all myself if that was his attitude. Dont cover for him to. Tell people he's never bathed the kids, got pissy about dinner etc. If things dont change then leave and see what he thinks then

TopBitchoftheWitches Sun 28-Apr-19 16:26:58


Teddybear45 Sun 28-Apr-19 16:27:23

It takes a special kind of idiot to be reminded to feed a hungry child. Good men would just see you are bf and do it no matter how long they’ve worked. Far too many women on these boards have no standards.

CoffeeConnoisseur Sun 28-Apr-19 16:29:27

You’ve kind of set yourself up for this by being in the frame of mind that “luckily” he’s “helping” you, rather than simply parenting his children.

WTFisThat Sun 28-Apr-19 16:33:07

I'm fucking sure you'd like to relax too! You're married to a selfish knob...they are his children too.

Creatureofthenight Sun 28-Apr-19 16:33:25

Let’s reword your first sentence OP.
“My husband rolls his eyes and sighs loudly if I ask him to parent his children...”
See the difference?

I honestly can’t believe how many of these arseholes are out there. It’s thoroughly depressing. If he wants to go cycling why can’t he go when the toddler is fed and in bed?

ragfarm Sun 28-Apr-19 16:40:32

Hate this attitude! I have a 2 year old, work full time and my partner is a sahd. When I get in I do whatever is needed for my toddler - playing, bath, snack etc. Certainly don't think I am 'helping' him, I am taking care of my child.

Itsnotme123 Sun 28-Apr-19 16:46:07

I was married to one of these. How blind I was.

Arrowfanatic Sun 28-Apr-19 16:57:02

Its not "helping" its being a father, the thing he agreed to when he went to bed with you knowing there was no birth control in play.

My husband is no angel, his idea of cooking the kids dinner is ordering pizza. However he is hands on, even more so as the kids have grown and needed my boobs less grin

Tell your husband when he comes home from work and at weekends he has to adjust from work mode to parent mode and deal with it. And oh hes so right, me time is important so schedule yours in asap. Even if its just an hour walking round the shop between feeds.

GertrudeCB Sun 28-Apr-19 17:01:01

It isn't helping, its parenting.
He sounds like a selfish knob.

EKGEMS Sun 28-Apr-19 17:04:30

Had no idea jackasses have evolved enough to cycle!!!!

lunicorn Sun 28-Apr-19 17:04:52

Definitely take the word 'helping' out of this.

If he genuine feels put out when you ask for help, then in his mind, he goes to work and you don't, so he needs time off and you don't. How deluded and mean is that. You deserve better.

And this thing that he thinks you're playing games here. Even if you are, he is in the wrong. He needs to do his part.

SometimesIGetNervous Sun 28-Apr-19 17:34:36

I despair at threads like this.

Where is your time off? When is your time to relax?

It’s not fucking ‘helping’, it’s parenting.

And why is it always fucking cycling?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 28-Apr-19 17:36:52

OP hasn't come back. Probably busy breastfeeding one child, feeding another with a broom up her arse to sweep the floor at the same time.

Maybe we should ask for a Lycra ban to support women. Or a massive tax on it to fund divorce lawyers.

IggyAce Sun 28-Apr-19 17:39:38

@EspressoX10 I agree and golfers too. How much free time are you getting OP?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 28-Apr-19 17:42:02

Golfers, cricketers, runners do this sometimes. Cyclists and sexist arseholes, the Venn diagram is a circle.

MaybeitsMaybelline Sun 28-Apr-19 17:42:43

Ha ha Zoobeedo, I thought the same! What is it with these bike riding DHs?

Never settle down with a Cyclist MNetters, they seem the most self centred dicks around.

peppaisannoying Sun 28-Apr-19 17:43:18

Op I feel for you but you say "luckily he still helps". Fuck the luckily part. He should help raise the children he is equally responsible, bare minimum.

When do you get some down time?

I agree it's always fucking cyclists, my sister is married to one and he was just as fucking selfish before dc!

SometimesIGetNervous Sun 28-Apr-19 17:49:21

My DH works 5 days a week, has the DC whilst I work 12 hours shifts on a weekend. Because he’s their Dad. I come home to my dinner cooked and him tidying up. Just like he does when I’m home.

You’re supposed to be a team. Not one person on their knees with exhaustion and the other going ‘oh I’m such an important man because I work.’ Who gives shit, you work, big fucking deal. Lots of parents work and still manage to look after our children. It’s not an opt out thing.

CyclingMumKingston Sun 28-Apr-19 17:50:30

Wow! So many responses!
I get an hour on Saturday and an hour on Sunday for myself to go to the gym next door.

It s very helpful to see how by replacing the word "helping" with "parenting" it s so much clearer that husband is being selfish

How do i get him to be more hands on though?
He just says he is tired and if he cant relax, he cant function at work
Do i leave and go to a hotel (no family here)?
If i do, do i bring my toddler with me?
He would miss all his toys and be hard work
I would be even more exhausted if i left for a couple of days with 2 young DC

How do i get DH to see some sense?

Thanks everyone x

CyclingMumKingston Sun 28-Apr-19 17:51:51

I meant, do i leave for a day or two?
Husband is still sulking and sleeping in the guest room as he is offended

sackrifice Sun 28-Apr-19 17:52:05

It sounds like he needs some practice at parenting so you need to discuss with him how he is going to get more hands on.

Mintandthyme Sun 28-Apr-19 17:52:37

Did he want children?
Was he like this after the first one ?

LinoleumBlownapart Sun 28-Apr-19 17:54:07

Show him this

keepyerbrowson Sun 28-Apr-19 17:56:00

Don't go anywhere. Tell him to leave.

mummmy2017 Sun 28-Apr-19 17:59:54

Don't do that.. once you ask him to leave it can finish your marriage...
Tell him he is quiet right about me time...
Now if he has his when does he want the children so you can have yours....

Quartz2208 Sun 28-Apr-19 18:04:31

What is he like chore wise

Personally I would stop doing anything for him - stop helping him, stop cooking for him

And get more time at the gym

Do not leave the house though

Quartz2208 Sun 28-Apr-19 18:05:31

and leave him to sleep in the guest room - he is waiting for you to back down and say sorry

fecketyfeck21 Sun 28-Apr-19 18:07:45

a lycra clad cyclist riding on pavements are the biggest arseholes ime, hate them with a passion.

Gre8scott Sun 28-Apr-19 18:09:34

Just go upstairs and lie down leave the kida in his care and dont go and help. He is parenting his children just say im having a relax your turn selfish knob

DowntonCrabby Sun 28-Apr-19 18:09:42

Lazy prick.

Sort this now, or he’ll have quite the wake up call when he’s working FT and also having to parent 50:50!

OldUnit Sun 28-Apr-19 18:22:23

Why are we repeatedly procreating with these fucking arseholes!?!

CyclingMumKingston Sun 28-Apr-19 18:22:50

Great advice about not leaving the house.
I was also thinking of not doing anything any more for him but how would that work?
Do i leave out his clothes when i do the laundry?
He would be furious and offended
Do i only hang my clothes to dry?
Do i only fold and sort mine and DC clothes?
Do i only cook for myself and DC?
Wouldnt this kind of retaliation be petty and childish?
I am seriously unhappy about his sulking.
He is offended as i politely stood up to him and didnt like it so he is making me pay for it by being very cold and sulking

RosaWaiting Sun 28-Apr-19 18:26:00

yes, OP, do all of those things

he apparently doesn't want to do his share so you can legitimately ask him to at least do his own chores.

I'd also fix a day to leave him home with the older DC. Why on earth did he agree to parent if he doesn't want to parent?!

peppaisannoying Sun 28-Apr-19 18:26:51

He's offended and sulking? Christ! He hasn't got a clue has he!

This isn't normal op and the vast majority of partners aren't like this. DH and I both pull our weight because we are a team who both decided to have children.

I go to work in the evenings and weekends after being with the dc by myself all day whilst DH is at work (both often starting at 5 am), I feed them dinner, DH gets home, then I go to work, he does the bath, books and bedtime routine. Chucks the wash I did in the tumble dryer if there is one. Cleans up the kitchen whilst cooking our dinner if I haven't already when the dc are in bed. We eat together and then clear up together. Then bed. If there's any time left over we'll take it in turns to go to the gym or for a run or something.

What I'm trying to say is in our house it's all considered work regardless of whether it's paid or not.

If I were you I'd suggest going back to work for a week of kit days or something, get him to take holiday and have his "rest" wink then he'll soon see that it's actually hard work and can be really exhausting, just like paid work.

justthecat Sun 28-Apr-19 18:27:06

He needs a puncture ...or two

FrenchBoule Sun 28-Apr-19 18:30:37

Holy shit. OP, your H needs a swift kick up his bollocks.
Let him sulk.
Let him be offended.
Only an arsehole ignores a hungry child as somebody else has pointed out earlier on.
When the hell is your time off. Oh, let me guess. Never.
He’s extremely sefish,useless and goady.

aidelmaidel Sun 28-Apr-19 18:34:48

If he can't relax he can't function at work? Poor diddums. He'll just have to learn to work smarter then won't he, just like the rest of us have to learn to function whilst exhausted and breastfeeding.

The sulking is not ok. Parenting is hard work and it's also something you can get used to, and he can bloody well get used to it. You deserve exactly as much you-time as he gets him-time.

mummmy2017 Sun 28-Apr-19 18:38:16

Talk to him ..
Tell him , to do X y z for you...
So work too... So why should you get time off to relax and not me...
Do not phrase it as he is wrong, but that he has parental duties...

LadyMonicaBaddingham Sun 28-Apr-19 18:38:26

Print this article out and casually leave it lying around...

mummmy2017 Sun 28-Apr-19 18:40:02

Oh and find Mama Mia on YouTube stick it on when ever he tries to do the silent treatment and sing your lungs out...
It will make you feel happy.
He will hear you happy and will hate that your not feeling sad when he is trying too cold shoulder you.

DartmoorDoughnut Sun 28-Apr-19 18:40:18

Why are they ALWAYS cyclists - I know I know NACALT! - seriously OP he’s a twat. You’re working full time too with a toddler and a baby, when is your time off?

My DH has a very demanding job - seriously he’s never off duty even on holiday, it’s v annoying! - but he regularly does bath time or takes the boys to see his parents to give me some time to myself at the weekend 😍

DartmoorDoughnut Sun 28-Apr-19 18:40:46

@mummmy2017 you’re a genius

Butterymuffin Sun 28-Apr-19 18:45:30

He's 'offended'? I'd be offended by the 'I work 5 days a week' as if that's way more than most people! And what does he do, brain surgeon? If he's tired, he can go to bed earlier like everyone else has to. It doesn't get him out of his share of parenting.

Cherrysoup Sun 28-Apr-19 18:45:52

Yes, do all of this, he needs to understand exactly how much you do for him. When he sees the enormity of it, he'll either be a heck of a lot nicer or he'll piss off. Either way, you'll know if he's a keeper or n ot.

junebirthdaygirl Sun 28-Apr-19 19:04:41

Just start going out more. What's this about an hour on Sat?
When he gets home one evening a week go out then after dinner. For a walk, chat to friend, browse the shops whatever.
Then on Sat start to go out for 2 hours etc. Build it up.
For now pretend you don't notice he is sulking. Go on with your day. If it gains him nothing there is no point in it. He will look like a fool.
When there is 2 children you often need 2 pair of hands. That's just basic stuff. Not total hands on parenting, just survival.
In the 60s my df was very busy at work but as soon as he came inside it was hands on. No discussion..just row in.
Surely in this day and age he can stretch to a bit of parenting.
Don't bow down. Keep ignoring his childish behaviour.

LinoleumBlownapart Sun 28-Apr-19 19:11:10

I often wonder if the parent button hasn't been switched on yet. When the kids were little and crying from hunger we'd both feel that stabbing anxiety. We couldn't function until they'd been fed and taken care of. I couldn't imagine DH having a leisurely shower while someone was screaming for food. It's odd. I suggest throwing him in at the deep end, it's sink or swim. Maybe some time actually parenting his child might make the parenting skill kick in.
My DH works more than 9-5, he's expected to work 24/7. He still manages to parent.

costacoffeecup Sun 28-Apr-19 19:15:53

Fuck that.

DP is a cyclist but he works it round the time he spends with our four year old and newborn.

Prinlllu Sun 28-Apr-19 19:17:19

Are you in Kingston? I am not far from there. On Sunday morning, I go for a long walk for a few hours, leave the kids at home, turn off your phone and accompany me. That will teach him how to parent his own children. And when you get home, don’t do anything, go in the guest room, close the door and sleep. If he ask you anything, tell him you are tired and need a rest and to relax because you ain’t a machine who can work 7 days a week.

costacoffeecup Sun 28-Apr-19 19:17:55

And he does ALL the cooking (I am hopeless) and strangely washes his own clothes. Maybe I should start appreciating him more 😳

SometimesIGetNervous Sun 28-Apr-19 19:18:52

So now you’ve stood up to him he’s punishing you. What a twat.

Afterthestorm Sun 28-Apr-19 19:19:12

To all those saying it’s always cycling, you’ve forgotten golf, which must be a very close second!

thepartysover Sun 28-Apr-19 19:20:36

This is bonkers as others have observed. The asking has to stop. You have equal responsibility for the needs of your children. You are both doing a full time job.

I live next door to a family with a similar dynamic, and (surprise!) the husband is a cyclist. Bizarre.

littlemeitslyn Sun 28-Apr-19 19:21:38

F**k wit 🙄

jamaisjedors Sun 28-Apr-19 19:28:37

Nip that bloody sulking in the bud now if you can (am the OP of 2 very long threads about a sulking H)!

Just go and see him and say that sulking and being cold when you ask him to do something is not acceptable adult behaviour. (wish I had done this 12 years ago!).

That you need to have a serious conversation about who does what because you are feeling at the end of your tether.

Good luck.

BTW while he's sulking and being cold - what is he getting out of it ? More relaxation/alone time - win win for him!

brambee Sun 28-Apr-19 20:07:24

I am so sorry OP. Please listen to what some of the other posters are saying. My exh was just like this. When our children were small he used to moan and sulk about looking after them on a Saturday morning so that I could go to work! Apparently because he worked all week (and I didn't, because I was just looking after 2 small children overseas with no family support) I had loads of time to myself. Then on Sunday he would go cycling for over 3 hours and then come back and be vile all afternoon 'because he was tired'. I pretended it was OK. It wasn't.

SometimesIGetNervous Sun 28-Apr-19 20:10:46

Let him crack on with being offended. Maybe you could be furious and offended at him being unwilling to parent his own children.

AnneElliott Sun 28-Apr-19 20:25:09

He's an arse - and agree with everyone else about it's normally cyclists that feel the need to do this.

My cousin's husband does this too. He did a race abroad when their child was about a week old.

WineGummyBear Sun 28-Apr-19 20:28:31

Yep need a Venn diagram.

DH is a cyclist and occupies that place in the circles whereby he loves biking and also 100% understands that the DC are a shared responsibility.

CyclingMumKingston Sun 28-Apr-19 21:24:46

Thanks to all the posters
Great advice
I was out doing some gardening to get space. Then walked the dog to clear my head. Husband hasn't made eye contact all day and now is watching TV and has closed the door of the living room (he never does that)
Tempted to go in and confront his sulking directly.. or just ignore?
@Jamaisjedors i have seen you are leaving DH. And he sounds so similar to mine, from reading your thread
I really struggle to address sulking as it is so covert and DH usually denies he is being cold

Mintandthyme Sun 28-Apr-19 21:33:05

I would go in and look him squarely in the eyes and have that conversation

DartmoorDoughnut Sun 28-Apr-19 21:36:03

@CyclingMumKingston go hoover that room, if he wants to be a PA twat then up the ante

Aozora13 Sun 28-Apr-19 21:43:55

Good grief, he’s still sulking? That man is dedicated. I’d probably just ignore him til he gets bored. I wouldn’t cook him any tea though.

I’m currently on mat leave with DC2 but previously worked full time and can say that it’s 100% possible to work a demanding job and then engage in a spot of light parenting in the evenings and weekends. It’s also extremely tiring and enervating looking after small children 24/7 and that’s with my DH sharing the load. Good luck!

funnylittlefloozie Sun 28-Apr-19 21:45:15

How do these inadequate little 'men' justify it to themselves? What on earth do single men do, who don't have caring wives to do their cooking, washing and cleaning?

lunicorn Sun 28-Apr-19 23:25:08

When you're old and the kids have left home, will you look back and be proud and content to be with this man?

Shefliesonherownwings Mon 29-Apr-19 10:23:19

Wow, what an arse. I would go into the living room, and tell him you need to have a serious conversation about roles and parenting. I don't understand how on earth he can get upset about looking after his children. For gods sake if the child is crying for it's dinner, he needs to sort it out. I am absolutely amazed by this attitude.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 29-Apr-19 10:48:20


Your H is a nasty piece of work and now he has taken to sulking (itself a form of emotional abuse) as well. To my mind sulking is a form of control.

I would seriously consider whether remaining married to this individual is actually worth it.

CyclingMumKingston Mon 29-Apr-19 23:23:56

I went in to discuss. Shockingly he said i am sly and jealous of his me time and went to sleep earlier and looking super upset.
I am baffled. Wow. I cant see myself being happy with him. He doesn't do discussing or clarifying. Basically it s his way and he stands up and leaves if he doesnt suit him. I am speechless at the realization of his attitude (before i always thought it s something in me. Maybe the way i speak. Or the things I do. Or i cant communicate)

Butterymuffin Mon 29-Apr-19 23:41:18

It's not you. It's him. He thinks he's entitled to a better life than you! Jealous - I would want to say 'Of course I am, you have lots of me time and I don't! Do you think you deserve it more? That's going to change'.

Flamingnora123 Mon 29-Apr-19 23:50:43

I thought maternity leave was designed for mothers to recover, bond with and raise their new person? Is it actually so men can become Victorian husbands and treat their women like slaves?

Nc1548 Mon 29-Apr-19 23:57:42

Maybe he needs to think how much "me time" he will get if you split up and he has to do his own cooking, washing, tidying up, cleaning and looking after the DC on his own.
Bloody cheek to sulk because he has to look after his own children, poor hoo to him from all the single mums with full time jobs that manage without "me time" angry

DishingOutDone Mon 29-Apr-19 23:59:12

So OP, can we backtrack a bit? Was he like this previously before kids or when you had your first baby? How are things in general? Do you have family or friends who offer support in RL? Have you raised issues with him before?

Is this something you can work through, or is he such an arsehole that you now think its not going to work out?

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 30-Apr-19 00:59:22

If you don't have equal 'me time' then yes, it's perfectly OK to be jealous. That's what emotions are for, to be appropriately felt at the appropriate time.

GertrudeCB Tue 30-Apr-19 05:49:38

Maybe the way i speak. Or the things I do. Or i cant communicate)
No op, he's just a selfish cunt.

DownTownAbbey Tue 30-Apr-19 06:40:32

So you aren't allowed to express your feelings without him sulking. Do you feel you're walking on eggshells? If you do you are experiencing emotional abuse.

jamaisjedors Tue 30-Apr-19 08:02:02

@ CyclingMumKingston

before i always thought it s something in me. Maybe the way i speak. Or the things I do. Or i cant communicate)

This is exactly what I thought, and what H told me for years. He also told me I was imagining it when he sulked or gave me the silent treatment.

I don't know if there is anything you can do to get them to open up and communicate.

I hoped and tried for so many years with H but he can't see the problem, despite it being pointed out by our counsellor.

I have been seeing a therapist myself for a couple of years, and this has helped me a lot.

RE: the way you communicate. I will admit that in the past I had a tendancy to get annoyed by the lack of communication and so not always remain calm. I worked on that with my therapist but unfortunately, even though I changed the way I was communicating, H still responded to me in the same way.

This might be because we had got set in our ways and so it was impossible to reverse things. OR it was never possible anyway and at least I felt I had tried.

It's absolutely heart-breaking though to be shut out that and so so wounding too.

I hope you are ok? PM me anytime if you like.

Meandwinealone Tue 30-Apr-19 09:53:51

Read this and the follow up thread

This is basically your life in 10 years if you don’t leave. Or he seeks some hardcore help. But basically even that won’t really work. He’s a bully.

Meandwinealone Tue 30-Apr-19 09:55:18

Oh sorry! I just linked your post. I hope that’s ok. I thought of you the minute I read this, and hoped that by reading your story it might help her. And I’m glad you’re doing much better.

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