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He prefers my body in underwear?

(77 Posts)
JayJay60 Wed 24-Apr-19 22:14:54

This is a bit of an AIBU but definitely inappropriate to post there. Boyfriend of 6 months has said he prefers my body in underwear, saying it makes my boobs/butt look better. I found this quite hurtful honestly. He says I am being far too sensitive and we all have opinions and of course that is true but he again confirms "yes, I think your body looks better like that than naked" ?? I just, I don't know. Isn't this quite offensive? Am I being over sensitive?

MitziK Wed 24-Apr-19 23:30:40

There are two possibilities here.

1. He's an arsehole and criticising your body.

2. He thinks that underwear/clothing is like wrapping a beautiful present, rather than dumping it on the table and saying 'here you go, love', and finds it enhances his appreciation with the appearance, texture and hints of what is waiting underneath. But is crap at saying it/is too embarrassed to say that nice underwear pushes every one of his buttons in case it sounds a bit pervy.

I am of the second opinion but not embarrassed in the slightest, DP doesn't see the need for it and his main aim is to get it all off me as quickly as humanly possible (whilst allowing for sensitivity). Which can be a bit meh, as I know any effort I go to will not make the slightest bit of difference. He is, however, a fan of how I do my makeup and hair on nights out and has the ability to occasionally say the right thing, so it's not 'Yeah, you look great. Can you get your tits out now?'

Only you can find out/know what he actually means.

Orangeballon Wed 24-Apr-19 23:31:25

I would agree with him, I prefer my body in underwear, I am not fat just normal size but my boobs are a bit on the big side.

Nnnnnineteen Thu 25-Apr-19 00:03:57

There are very few people whose bodies look better with nothing on. I would much prefer to see a body in lovely underwear than naked. I don't think he's nasty or abusive, he just clearly isn't tuned into what you needed him to say.

HappyLife21 Thu 25-Apr-19 00:04:43

The issue isn’t that he said or thinks this, but how he handled your response.

FuriousVexation Thu 25-Apr-19 00:12:18

I agree with Paul Hardcastle up there, I fancy guys more when they are smartly dressed, or in flattering underwear, than totally naked.

My FWB once took me to a swinger club. It was 95% men and they were all naked just wearing a towel around their waist. Oh dear god. Maybe I'm really shallow but I was like YOU'RE SO UNSEXY WITHOUT CLOTHES

I personally like to wear a deep suspender belt which covers my "mum tum" and turns on guys who aged 40-60 who grew up thinking stocking and suspenders were the bomb ;)

RiversDisguise Thu 25-Apr-19 05:33:56

I think it's unusual for men. I actually love lingerie but men generally seem to prefer them off.

Airbiscuits Thu 25-Apr-19 06:11:04

Some men definitely have a massive thing for lingerie.
Sadly not my husband, but previous boyfriends have. So I have a lot of wasted beautiful underwear.

Maybe it was his clumsy way of trying to get you to dress up for him?

EmeraldRubyShark Thu 25-Apr-19 06:45:07

I get it and he’s not alone thinking that way! But his response to upsetting you bothers me. If my OH said that and I took it the wrong way he’d say sorry and try make me feel better and reassure me how much he fancies me, not tell me I’m over sensitive.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead Thu 25-Apr-19 06:51:27

I much prefer dp in certain clothes or some really nice boxers.

My dp is one of those who like nice lingerie too. Which suits me as I love buying nive underwear.

This really depends on what the converstation was.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead Thu 25-Apr-19 06:53:50

I personally like to wear a deep suspender belt which covers my "mum tum" and turns on guys who aged 40-60 who grew up thinking stocking and suspenders were the bomb ;)

That's dp!!! And he is just 40. grin

NameChangeNugget Thu 25-Apr-19 06:58:01

I feel so much sexier in hold ups and beautiful lingerie. DH seems to like it too.

I agree with your partner OP.

However, as to whether this was a bad thing to say depends on the context.

ShinyShoe Thu 25-Apr-19 07:05:51

Did you ask him what he preferred? Or did he start up the conversation?

Rubberduckies Thu 25-Apr-19 07:15:47

I think it depends how it came up. I wouldn't automatically assume he's an arse. My husband feels similar but explained how he finds it sexier when some of me is covered because he can take it off...! I wouldn't say I prefer him naked with it all hanging out.....but doesn't mean I don't like his naked body or I'm hypocritical of him!

wertuio Thu 25-Apr-19 07:16:07

The reaction to OP’s response is insensitive, but it is honest.

Of course most women look better in underwear than naked. A well fitted bra is something that is loved by most of the women i’ve ever known (biblically and socially).
I’ve always understood that fancy knickers are worn as much to make the wearer feel good as they are to turn on a partner.
But unless it’s a rather ermmm specialist set it’s difficult to pay effective attention to the areas which need attention.
My boxers stay on for as long as I can get away with because I think I look better all neatly packaged together.

Not my most coherent writing but I think you should get the gist of it.

NewMum19344567 Thu 25-Apr-19 07:18:52

I 100 percent prefer my body in underwear after breastfeeding forever I have 2 empty sacks and bras make them look pert again! If my husband said anything without prompting I'd be sad but if it came in conversation you can't be upset he gave a honest response?

seven201 Thu 25-Apr-19 07:22:40

I much prefer my body in underwear. I also prefer my husband's body in boxer shorts. He was just being honest and it came out a bit wrong! Was he just trying to say he likes seeing you in sexy undies?

ChristmasFluff Thu 25-Apr-19 08:16:26

Lots of people prefer to see others in underwear, but it is usually because of the erotic mystery and intrigue of not being able to see everything, not because they don't like their partner's body.

Even if a person had the thought that their partner looks better in undies, there is no need to voice that thought when another, just as valid, reason exists. Because for most people, their partner's body is part of them, and inseparable from the whole - so you love a partner's body even though it objectively may be less aesthetically pleasing than other people's. For example, I came to genuinely love chest hair despite having been averse up til that partner.

He's taken an opportunity to put you down. It won't be the only time he does that. Bin.

Lottie35 Thu 25-Apr-19 08:43:09

He's an immature, entitled twat. Ffs you're not here to serve him or make sure he likes the way you look.
He should love how you look in joggers, naked, ill, stressed, happy, upset....he sounds awful and selfish.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 25-Apr-19 08:52:47

I much prefer my own body in underwear.
I would not take offence at someone telling me the same thing.
But you are offended and your feelings are totally justified.
So what now for you?

supadupapupascupa Thu 25-Apr-19 09:50:04

My dh would say the he prefers me in underwear too. And I would agree with him. But he loves me naked, by which point he's not worried about what I look like anyway. So it's not a problem. If your partner still fancies you between the sheets I'd say chalk it up to being insensitive. But it's not a real breaker

Ariela Thu 25-Apr-19 10:09:04

Isn't the whole point that with underwear is more titillating?

Hanab Thu 25-Apr-19 10:13:05

Maybe nice underwear or you specifically in underwear turns him on🤷🏻‍♀️

Some people have preferences .. or fetishes ..

User10fuckingmillion Thu 25-Apr-19 10:13:29

I look better naked wink probably because I can’t afford nice underwear

PlinkPlink Thu 25-Apr-19 10:33:55

My ex would co-erce me quite alot.

He went through a phase of regularly asking me to dress up despite me making it clear I didn't want sex in any form.

I gave in many times... it set a precedent for our relationship.

In the end, I was repulsed by him (for many other reasons too) and left.

My OH would compliment me in lingerie, it's a fun thing to do every now and again. But he'd never say "you look better in that". He's not a prick.

To be dismissive of your feelings too? Nope... not acceptable.

LordWheresMyShoes Thu 25-Apr-19 10:36:25

Everybody looks sexier in nice underwear than naked IMO.

The way he phrased it and reacted to your hurt was a bit douche, though.

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