Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would you email the other woman?!?!?

(242 Posts)
purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 05:37:24

Help! I'm so hurt & angry..I have started another post (previouse one - Advice Please, husband blaming me for going off with another woman)

I have just found out that this woman is back on the scene again and they have been emailing each other constantly and recently seeing each other...

He has completely fed her a load of bullsh*t as he has done with me...god there's so much, I wouldn't know where to start!

The thing is, I'm so hurt & angry...this woman made our life a misery over christmas and during the time we were trying to make it she's on his case again and what makes matters far worse is that he's snivelling to her about how he only made a go of it with me because of our daughter...and that his happiness didn't come into it

Anyway, I'm rambling, sorry...been up all night and felt like I wanted to email them both to put the record straight and let her know what a lying, cheating, b&st&rd he is!!

I realise I'm very upset and don't want to do anything I regret...should I email them both and have my say, or should I somehow just let it go and let her realise for herself??

Help!! So frustrated, but then on the other hand, don't want to stoop to their leave iykwim...

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 05:38:36

...sorry, that should have said stoop to their level

eidsvold Mon 16-Jul-07 05:42:39

purple - I posted a long reply on your other thread. I am a great believer in what goes around comes around. Let her fall for all his lies etc - she will just put your email down to jealousy, not being able to let go, being a bitter old woman etc. Leave her to learn it all on her own.

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 05:46:43

Hi Eidsvold...

Thank you for replying, yes I did see you replies on the other post..

Sorry, I'm just all over the place at the moment, I just feel so betrayed and as I say I wanted to put the record straight because I feel not only has he done this to me, but he has shown no respect for me whatsoever...she even wrote a list of things for him that he needed to sort out to get me out of his life and he went along with turns out he's telling her all sorts of rubbish and it's just really done my head in []

A few weeks ago, he wanted us to rent a place together and start afresh...I said I didn't think we were stable enough then...and this is now what's happened, he's gone straight back to her..

I'm SO hurt

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 05:47:45

Sorry, wasn't mean to be a smilie face..should have been a shock! lol

Oh god! I'm losing the plot!

DontlookatmeImshy Mon 16-Jul-07 05:47:59

Personally I think you should leave it. After all if she already knows about you and your daughter then she should be able to work it out for herself what he is. She didn't give a toss about making your life misery so let her find out the hard way. Besides she'll probably only think you're trying to put her off him so he'll go back to you. Don't give either of them the satisfaction.

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 05:49:43

Thank you both...that's what I thought really, I didn't want to do anything in the heat of the moment...I've already spent last night sending him tons of texts as he wouldn't answer the phone to already feel very degraded for having to do that, don't need to make myself feel any worse

eidsvold Mon 16-Jul-07 05:49:44

it dies hurt and it will for a while BUT is it not better to know this now than to put all your effort into trying again and then find out this has been going on behind your back.

You do sound so strong but we all have wobbles. I would stop letting him make the decisions iyswim.

It was great that you said you did not think you were stable enough to get a place together. See - you have taken back some of that power instead of letting him decide. See - you made a wise decision and it has been vindicated by his behaviour. Instead of seeing it as a negative - think of it as - an I told you so - you were right!!!!!

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 05:51:47 I lowered myself to look at his emails and I know I really shouldn't have done that, but I could sense something was up and even though I'm devastated I'm pleased I did, so now know exactly whats been going on I was suspicious and I was proved right!

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 05:54:11

It just hurts SO much Sorry for whinging on, but I went through all this, this time last year...I just don't think I have the strength to go through it all again

(They need a snivelling, snobbing smilie btw!)

eidsvold Mon 16-Jul-07 05:56:44

it is tough and really it will take time - just take it each day at a time. Just focus on that day and work through it and then tomorrow is another day. It sounds trite but I have found it works for me. To forget trying to control things that are out of my control and just tackle what I can.

IT does hurt and it seems like you have been betrayed a second time which must hurt even more.

BUT remember - you are making good choices - such as not moving back in with him. That would have taken a lot of strength to say no.

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 05:59:59

Thank you, you're helping me so much at the moment, I don't know what to do with myself...just feel like I'm going to choke

I think what is hurting me the most at the moment is she asked him why he was back with me and he said it was for his daughters sake and that his happiness didn't come into it! That basically means he doesn't/didn't love me and that all this has been a complete lie...feels like a stake right through the heart.

It doesn't make sense...he's always put his own happiness first, he even left 2 days before his daughter's 2nd birthday! He wasn't thinking of her then

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 06:01:45

He's just told so many lies, I don't think he knows what the truth is anymore...but once again, he's crucified me and he doesn't seem to care Its also the complete lack of respect he has shown say all those things about me too her, complete lies. Even if you don't love someone, you can still show them a bit of respect, can't you?

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 06:03:35

They even had a discussion about how they needed to keep it quiet and he told her that she could text him pictures of her while he was at work, but not to do so in the evening... That things were made very difficult for him at the moment as he was sure she could understand Bstrd!

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 06:05:19

Oh god! I have 3 gorgeous children getting up soon and I need to find some strength to get them sorted. There's no way I want them seeing me so upset

eidsvold Mon 16-Jul-07 06:35:50

he obviously doesn't respect her either or your children. It sounds like he does not know the meaning of respect.

From the sounds of it he really does not know how to respect anyone or anything.

Just remember to breathe and focus on getting through today.

hurtwife Mon 16-Jul-07 07:51:38

Oh i really feel for you. You will have the strengh to get through this. Would it help to write down some of these things and then you can decide whether you post them. I wrote to the other woman and it did help me becasue even though she knew me she was lead to believe that i was some sort of evil monster. I also say an email to her that said he had only come back for the children ect (whcih really hurt). If you know my story then you will know that he is back with me now so i am in a 'stronger' postition - even though it is not a fight. You are still in the 'fight and get him back whatever the cost' feeling and once this has gone you will see more clearly.

It sounds as if he really does not know what it is that he wants at the moment.

I do think that sending any emails ect at the moment might make matters worse. Does he send any to you that you reply to - if so why not send something 'crypic' in the reply which would leave her wondering about you if she read it.

Try and be dignified which i know is easier said than done.

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 08:59:24

He's UNBELIEVABLE!! His reply to all this, is that if I had made an effort and taking into account his feelings rather than keep telling him how I feel, then this wouldn't have happened!!!

mylittlestar Mon 16-Jul-07 09:00:08

I did!

I did it probably at a bad time, and perhaps I shouldn't have, but I did do the longest e-mail rant ever!!

I tried to keep emotions out of it and was very matter of fact - but just listed all the things she'd done, all the lies he'd told (to both of us! so lots of things she didn't know too!), and basically said after all of that I hope they're proud of themselves and I'm sure they could have a very happy trustworthy relationship seeing how they both had such amazingly high moral standards

And to be honest it did make me feel better.
There were things that needed to be said and I knew I'd never get the opportunity to say them to both of them together. So I did it.

But I think the advice you've had on here is excellent and I would definitely listen to it. Good luck.

MaccaMacca Mon 16-Jul-07 09:20:55

I didn't email I phoned her, and again and agin and again....and on it went...I visited her, she hid etc etc

This women will enjoy you hurting.

Leave well alone. Destroy her email address if possible.

I would also have serious thoughts about destroying all contact with him.

Do you deserve to feel all this hurt and pain?

I hate men who do this.

Hate the men, and the women who participate and know they are destroying someone else future/life, nice people they must be.

take care xx

BandofMuggles Mon 16-Jul-07 09:25:14

I hate even more when they try and turn it around on you and make you feel that it's your fault so they can stop feeling gulty about what a shit they've been.

You sound better off without him.

macdoodle Mon 16-Jul-07 11:09:39

Same here - mine told OW that he had to come back because of DD and business - I told her truth again and again and she lied to me and told me things which will never leave me the time it made me fel better but letting her in to my life let her hurt and manipulate us both even more my advice is chin up head up high and let them rot together so sorry I know exactly how very much this hurts lying prick

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 11:12:09

Thank you all for your support...I have to say I'm really struggling to get my head round it all

MellowMaccaMellow Mon 16-Jul-07 11:40:17

one day at a time xx

purplepoppet Mon 16-Jul-07 17:37:29

Oh what a day!! God, I've been such a terrible wife...reckons he's been depressed for 3 years and I didn't notice (infact I did speak to him about it on many occasions, but he didn't do anything about it) He needed someone to talk to who wouldn't tell him to grown up - so he turns to this ex woman of his!! Apparantly, had I shown him more attention and stop thinking about myself all the time, I would have noticed how lonely he was and none of this would have happened!!!

Oh well, I guess that makes his despicable behaviour my fault again!!!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: