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Easter drama with my mum - who is wrong here ?

(82 Posts)
AdviceNeeded3282 Sun 21-Apr-19 20:11:18

Hi all,

I just want some plain and honest opinions here. Probably sound childish to some but here goes...

My DH has gone away today with an ex work colleague to a wedding for the day (someone they used to work with). He will be home late late tonight. Anyhow this has been planned for a while that he would be away Easter Sunday.

My grandma (my mums mum) has been saying for the past few weeks “Oh since your DH is away for Easter me and your mum should come over to yours for a take away, and it will also be 2 years that weekend that your grandad passed away (my mums dad)”. I said yeah okay, so they agreed to come up to mine however nothing was ever set in stone (as in the exact time they would come over).

So I thought the plan was my mum, gran and sister (who still lives with my mum) was to come over to mine and see my 2 DC’s (aged 3&6) and chill out with a takeaway.

So Easter Sunday is here, my DC’s stopped with my mum last night so me and DH could go out. She dropped them home this morning and DH was getting ready for the wedding. My mum goes “shall we still come over for a take away tonight?” And I was like yeah sure I don’t mind. Then she goes “okay do I have to bring your nan though ?” - she said it as a sarcastic joke; she finds my Nan annoying as she repeats herself a lot.

Anyhow I went out today with my 2 DC’s and my sister. I said “r you coming over tonight with mum and gran?”. She said yes. After we went out I dropped my sister back home to my mums house (5pm) and went inside. I shouted up to my mum “are you still coming over later as I’m going home now to get boys bathed”, she replied “what are you on about we haven’t got anything planned?”. I said “what are you on about we’ve had it planned ages that you and gran are coming over to mine for takeaway?”, she replied “nothing was ever set in stone and we didn’t agree times. I went round to your nans earlier and she didn’t mention it, she has had a whisky now so she isn’t going to want to venture out and I also can’t be arsed anyway”. So I replied “oh, great, nice one, so much for family, see you then” and stormed back to the car and went home.

So she made out like nothing was ever planned despite talking to me about it when she dropped my DC’s home that morning at 9am. Can I just mention her mother always does this (their relationship isn’t the best), constantly says stuff then pretends she didn’t say it. I’m hoping this isn’t the start of it because I’m furious.

Anyhow, when I got home I text her (i was angry). I text saying: “I've just asked DH & he confirmed you were on about coming over to mine tonight when you dropped DC’s off to me this morning. Why the hell do you say stuff then just pretend you never said it making it out like I'm crazy?! I'm livid.”.

Maybe I shouldn’t have text her. Her reply was - “Well if u want to pick gran up for 8 then that's fine u can come here if u want”

I replied - “Honestly I do not want too, you just made out like I made it all up and that you hadn't said anything - exactly what she does”

My mum replied - “Your gran did not mention it stop texting now just call me if u got anything to say” (my mum hates texting)

I then replied - “Honestly I'm absolutely fucked of completely at you! You went on like I had made it all up. She won't have forgotten because she was telling me it was the anniversary of grandads death - she was probably waiting to see if you would say anything and you didn't.”

Her response - “If u want to pick her up and come her then you can. Let me know but don't text me any more shit. Or your sister can just bring me and your gran to yours let me know. Do you want to arrange anything yes or no.”

My reply - “I am not arsed - just the way you went about it all has really peed me off”

Mum replied - “yes or no ffs. I'm trying to sort this and you won't answer your phone. I’ll get your gran to just come mine don’t worry about it”.

I replied - “Why you getting Gran to go yours ? Like you said she didn't mention anything”.

Mum - “Are u gonna answer the phone or just be an idiot about this”

I didn’t answer her call. She then text me going “That's it I'm done.” and blocked my number !!!!!!! Can I just say my mum is 54.

She eventually unblocked my number as I tried to call her several times. She answered my call an hour later and she was in the pub. I was like oh ok so your definitely not coming mine now then - and she was like “well have you spoke to gran ?” I said no have you? And she said no. I said call her then.

My mum called me back eventually and goes “gran doesn’t want to do anything tonight, we will do something Tuesday”. I just said yeah I’ll see, bye.

So basically I think my mum forgot about her own dad’s death anniversary (idk maybe she didn’t) and had a better offer and went to the pub. Either way I’m still so angry. She’s supposed to be my mum??

Well done if you made it to the end of my thread.

Hollowvictory Sun 21-Apr-19 20:15:36

I really would not be bothered if my mother and grandmother changed their minds about coming to my house for a takeaway.
However your mother sounds very rude.
Why is everyone always asking eachother about arrangements in your family? You must have discu this half dozen times in one day get the takeaway and enjoy a quiet night to yourself.

7salmonswimming Sun 21-Apr-19 20:16:40

My plain and honest opinion is that you all need to grow up and chill out.

AdviceNeeded3282 Sun 21-Apr-19 20:18:51

It wasn’t discussed a lot.... I was just annoyed she went back on her word. Even my DH said it/she is just strange. I don’t know there is a bit of history I guess it’s just another example of her thinking about herself.

Cherylshaw Sun 21-Apr-19 20:19:06

You all need to chill out!! That gave me heart burn reading!
Seems like your mum didn't think it was a big deal and when you text her age tried to fix it, then you were both childish by not answering each other and blocking calls!
Id just get a Chinese and relax myself I'd be knackered after all that!

AdviceNeeded3282 Sun 21-Apr-19 20:20:16

Haha I am just lying in bed with my DC’s watching a film - she really has annoyed me though !

katykins85 Sun 21-Apr-19 20:22:27

Wow. So much drama over a take away! I think both you and your mother were incredibly rude and need to grow up!

Hollowvictory Sun 21-Apr-19 20:22:30

You asked her 4-5 times...

LaurenSarah22 Sun 21-Apr-19 20:22:33

I'd be fuming and act exactly how you did

AdviceNeeded3282 Sun 21-Apr-19 20:27:41

Can I just throw it out there I am 27, my mum is 54.... I was looking forward to it since my DH has gone out on bank holiday. I don’t understand how some of you think it’s okay for her to do that. For those are saying “I asked to many times” - my Nan mentioned it a few weeks back and I said okay, my mum confirmed it this morning - I said okay. I asked my sister when we went out on our own if she was coming ?(that’s not my mum is it). Then asked my mum on the afternoon if she was still coming and that’s when she said she didn’t know what I was on about ! Gosh I’m getting myself annoyed again

phobiafreak Sun 21-Apr-19 20:28:19

I get why you'd be slightly annoyed but it really doesn't warrant this much of a reaction. Your mum tried to sort it a number of times and you kept dragging it out. I'd have probably made a sarcy comment followed by right hurry up over here then I'm starving and moved on. I dread to think the chaos that kicks off over important things if this is over a takeaway.

Nofunkingworriesmate Sun 21-Apr-19 20:30:01

I can understand you being annoyed at her pretending she hadn’t said anything when she obviously had but seriously chill out. As soon as the plans changed you should have shrugged “ok” and gone home to your own take away, a lot agro and unpleasantness over nothing, next time just calmly point out her “ confusion” and how irritating it

AdviceNeeded3282 Sun 21-Apr-19 20:30:59

Maybe I do go over the top but it is frustrating how she made out like I had made it all up.

NameChangeNugget Sun 21-Apr-19 20:34:22

I agree with you but, not the way you went about things

OwnerOfThatChocolateBar Sun 21-Apr-19 20:35:14

I don't know how old your children are but I can bet they are more mature than you. Good fucking god what a drama over nothing

mummmy2017 Sun 21-Apr-19 20:37:28

Pick your fights...
Yes she was wrong, and you called her on it.
But the text only in flamed the problem...
Enjoy your evening with the children.

AdviceNeeded3282 Sun 21-Apr-19 20:37:49

6&3😂 I am immature at times but yeah she royally pissed me off making out like I was crazy that we had no plans when I was looking forward to being with my mum, gran, sister and my DC’s

AdviceNeeded3282 Sun 21-Apr-19 20:38:49

Correct. I should have just walked away and not Text her about it then called her out on it another time. Lesson learned!

huggybear Sun 21-Apr-19 20:40:23

This is all rather JK.
You were being unreasonable firstly but you lost that when you didn't answer your phone and swore.

AnneTwackie Sun 21-Apr-19 20:41:57

Grow up and appreciate your mum whilst you are lucky enough to have her. Stop speaking to her like crap after she looked after your kids all night and answer the phone when she calls you. Never read anything so petty and stupid.

FuriousVexation Sun 21-Apr-19 20:42:50

It sounds wholly dysfunctional and like there's some triangulation going on there.

I can totally understand how irritating it is if you'd planned an evening of takeout and chat/games/TV how annoying it is that one party suddenly goes "Oh I thought that was just an idea, made other plans, seeya"

Hope you had a lovely evening with your DC.

AdviceNeeded3282 Sun 21-Apr-19 20:43:04

I didn’t answer because she annoyed me the way she pretended we hadn’t planned anything.

RadishesAndLentils Sun 21-Apr-19 20:44:41

My mum goes “shall we still come over for a take away tonight?” And I was like yeah sure I don’t mind.

This doesn't sound like a confirmed plan.

Gingerkittykat Sun 21-Apr-19 20:45:52

Did you at least contact your gran to let her know you were thinking of her on the anniversary of her husband's death?

AdviceNeeded3282 Sun 21-Apr-19 20:49:38

Kittykat yes I have ! (Obviously)

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