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Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

(1000 Posts)
Crustaceans Tue 09-Apr-19 19:13:40

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Peanuthedz Mon 15-Apr-19 21:50:46

@BatshitCrazyWoman awwwwww

I was hoping to get a male perspective when mr Unsuitable disappears and I'm back on the apps! It would be so useful. I don't have any male friends who I'd feel comfortable asking. I don't think one dodgy bloke should prevent this.

Sunshineandflipflops Mon 15-Apr-19 21:51:08

I have a date with MrSAS tomorrow evening (dinner and drinks) and then the weekend at his. Not swiping or looking for anyone else for the time being. I do t have time to date anyone else so don’t see the point!

Notcoolmum Mon 15-Apr-19 22:00:22

Firmly on the smitten bench. Had a family crisis whilst on my date yesterday. mr S was amazing. Supported me through it and dealt with my youngest whilst I was having to support my eldest.

As he had wobbles about his readiness for a relationship I told him I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to carry on. He’s seen I come with some serious baggage. But he’s still around.

Obvs I don’t know what the future will bring but right now I feel grateful he was around and hopeful he will stick around.

So much going on on the thread. Sorry to hear some people have been getting harrassed. Must be a way to report it to mumsnet. I sometimes forget this is a completely open forum and we only know the ones who partake. There could be plenty of lurkers reading our tales. It’s easy to get sucked into the friendliness and openness of the thread.

Mary1935 Mon 15-Apr-19 22:09:16

Just tried searching for Fab - I couldn’t find the dating site. Any advice thanks

StarryUnicorn Mon 15-Apr-19 22:10:09

I appreciate the 'safeness' of the space here, even though it's public. If someone is undermining that then I hope the mods take an Arya Stark approach to moderation...

vwman Mon 15-Apr-19 22:12:30

@Peanuthedz men are not in tune with their feelings the way women are. He doesn't know how he feels, and furthermore he will only get closer emotionally to you by having sex with you. If the relationship works out and he decide he has feelings for you, then you will never realise that he was unsure, if it doesn't you will know about it, because he will either end it after a few weeks or you will be ghosted.

Ant330 Mon 15-Apr-19 22:15:34

MrS sounds like a keeper notcoolmum congrats grin
I've won myself some brownie points today. MissOz was off work feeling poorly today so I sent her some flowers to cheer her up. It's been a long time since I've felt like doing that for anyone, was a nice feeling.

BatshitCrazyWoman Mon 15-Apr-19 22:16:37

Fab is Fab Swingers - so not a dating site really. A few of us here have used it to find FWBs. And I ended up finding someone to date!

30somethingandsingle Mon 15-Apr-19 22:16:53

@Mary1935 fab is fab swingers... it's not for everyone!

JeSuisPrest Mon 15-Apr-19 22:17:55

I've had some amazingly supportive and constructive messages from men on this thread flowers

Sunshineandflipflops Mon 15-Apr-19 22:20:56

@Ant330 If MissOz doesn’t want you...
I can’t remember the last time a man bought me flowers. I quite happily buy my own flowers but still...it would be nice.

Peanuthedz Mon 15-Apr-19 22:21:46

@vwman well no one is sure before they have sex. And no one can be sure til they know someone really well. Not just men. It happens both ways. You meet someone you think it's going well you realise maybe you're not so keen you end it. I'm not only going to have sex with men who I think I will be with forever.

vwman Mon 15-Apr-19 22:30:24

@Peanuthedz yes but you have a pretty good idea of how you feel a man tends not to apart from the fact that his is physically attracted. And after all you are in control of and know whether you go to bed he is just wondering whether it might happen. Which is why I say that he should never be making the decision about exclusivity its a womans perogative

lifegoes Mon 15-Apr-19 22:40:13

I'm sure I saw a post about this somewhere on one of the dating threads. But..,

If I read a WhatsApp message in flight mode. Then come out of it and switch flight mode off. Does it show that the message has been read?

Long story, but I want to read the full message but I don't want them to know I've read it yet.

Peanuthedz Mon 15-Apr-19 22:46:33

@vwman how am I in control? I can't and don't assume every man I date wants to sleep with me? And I don't necessarily know how I feel about someone before I sleep with him. As someone else said, I think @MrDrummer, it's about two people deciding if they get on and want to take it further. No one is in control. Or should be mutual

kerkyra Mon 15-Apr-19 22:53:58

Just joined pof( hidden) and who do I see staring back at me...village man!?
This isn't good,no txt for me since yesterday morning but he wants to chat to others. Spread his oats no doubt.

Right,i'm chatting to someone else so hope I may get a coffee date!

vwman Mon 15-Apr-19 23:03:28

@Peanuthedz of course you are in control you decide when not him

MrDrummer Mon 15-Apr-19 23:04:52

@kerkyra

Honestly, think it's best. I was starting to invest in you too, as well sad

@lifegoes

In my opinion, no good will come of trying to get clever with tech.

MrDrummer Mon 15-Apr-19 23:05:28

two*

supercali77 Mon 15-Apr-19 23:11:44

@midcenturylegs thanks! I've been mainlining fleabag.

@unique1986 we've spent the weekend together before. Always got on swimmingly. This time...in a nutshell. Talking about other women. Suggesting clothes I would look good in. Being critical in the morning. Prior to that we were gushing over one another. I came away from the weekend feeling emotionally slightly abused. If I said this to him in pretty sure he'd swear black and blue that he didn't mean it the way it came off etc etc. But I've seen this before and further down the line it doesn't get better

lifegoes Mon 15-Apr-19 23:20:08

@MrDrummer yeah I know, I just read it and they'll wait for a reply.

supercali77 Mon 15-Apr-19 23:24:04

@lifegoes yeah if you go flight mode you can read the message and it won't show as read. You can also write a reply click 'send' leave WhatsApp and switch flight mode off and it'll send the message without you ever appearing online! I've done this when avoiding someone and I wanted to talk to another freind!

MrDrummer Mon 15-Apr-19 23:48:24

@supercali77 @lifegoes

The reason why I suggest against it (even if it works) is that it's an undefined behaviour of whatsapp. "Undefined" in software development means "don't rely on what happens to be predictable". You might even be exploiting a bug that someday they fix. And you get caught out in a lie.

Panamaxforte Mon 15-Apr-19 23:56:43

So sorry to hear about the unpleasant DMs. One of the reasons I like this thread is because there are a few men on here bringing different perspectives.

@hairyarsedman is helping me build a new profile and has been awesome and it would be a shame to not continue to help each other. Maybe a list of verified users to approach? I can verify hairy!

It’s a strange thing, someone else said it, amongst the anonymity you forget this is the worldwide web (indeed I’m in another country) and that this is read by many who never comment. I get to thinking it’s only of interest to those commenting but of course I read myself for a longboard time before joining in.

@supercali your post about him suggesting what you wear and commenting about other women gave me shivers. My exH in a nutshell. As you say, doesn’t end well sad

supercali77 Tue 16-Apr-19 00:24:07

@mrdrummer yeah I see your point there! I don't do it often tbh

@Panamaxforte yep. It was dropped in all casual a few times and left me feeling deeply uncomfortable but also with the feeling that if I made a point about it I could easily have been made out to be taking it too seriously. It's a complete 180 to the way he's been in the last few weeks.

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