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Come on... HOW do you COMPENSATE for your DH's rubbishness?

(24 Posts)
runawayquickly Thu 12-Jul-07 23:27:52

I ask because I spend much of my time and energy trying to make up for Dh's failings. I keep in touch with his family while he probably doesn't have his own mother's number in his mobile, I organise presents for HIS nieces and nephews which he forgets to deliver and post, I go out of my way to mention later that he was tired and had a bad day when he's narky with the neighbours... the list goes on and bloody on. I ask myself why women constantly care and men blunder through life not giving a flying you-know-what for what other people think of them. I'm not some uptight Anthea Turner. I am a real women with crappy housewife skills, minging kids and roots that haven't seen a coiffeuse since 2006. So how come I care and devote time to his general rubbishness? PLEASE give me your examples to assure me I am not the only one who will do anything to ensure the world thinks well of my (cough, choke) 'beloved'.

TooTicky Thu 12-Jul-07 23:29:13

It's not uncommon, I'm afraid.

cylonbabe Thu 12-Jul-07 23:30:26

its because women pick up the slack that men get away with it.

frapachino Thu 12-Jul-07 23:30:53

I am too tired to begin my list but you are not alone
I balance my compensating with slagging him off to my mates a lot - i find this helps

Balls Thu 12-Jul-07 23:32:11

You are not alone. But my only explanation is that men ime can only focus on one thing at a time and that is eminently forgiveable if they do that one thing very well.

Pruners Thu 12-Jul-07 23:32:40

Message withdrawn

runawayquickly Thu 12-Jul-07 23:34:14

It's not uncommon? Of course it's not! I just want some amateur shrink to tell me why in the hell I do it! 'Love' isn't a good enough answer.
But what if we had a LET'S NOT COMPENSATE day? His mum would ring me and I'd be like, 'you know what? He's mouthing at me right now, putting his hand across his throat and generally signalling he doesn't want to talk to you. Goodbye." Click. Brrrrr....

Balls Thu 12-Jul-07 23:35:39

Maybe because we are brought up to oil troubled waters?

onlygirlinthehouse Thu 12-Jul-07 23:36:03

mine has spent the last three days in a mood for no apparant reason, and tonight he reversed the car into the wheelie bin and broke the rear light and then managed to make me feel like it was my fault he had done it!! Now, because he is back at work tomorrow (thank god!) I have to go to the garage and sort it out.

I dont know why I bother, its not as if we even have any fun any more.

expeLYRAmus Thu 12-Jul-07 23:39:21

I remind myself that he is the main breadwinner. But that is wearing thin.

kamikayzed Thu 12-Jul-07 23:41:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

REBELlatrixlestrange Fri 13-Jul-07 00:32:06

I don't feel the need to compensate for my DH's rubbishness.

I more than compensate for it with my own.

Quiddaitch Fri 13-Jul-07 00:35:40

i stopped whinging at dh to phone his mother and it turned out that she fell out with him and they no longer speak. (result!)

he's not bothered but of course she blames me...

REBELlatrixlestrange Fri 13-Jul-07 00:43:28

This week DH has, amongst other things, done the school run several times, prepared food for three nights before going on shift, fed the boys tonight, arranged a babysitter for tomorrow night, sorted some washing. All this whilst working around a last minute change of shift due to a serious RTC he's investigating, and interviewing people in his role as chair of governors.

In comparison I've done next to nothing all this week except keep his dad sweet by arranging for him to see the boys. Didn't think it's really fair to say to DH "He's your dad, sort it out".

VeniVidiVickiQV Fri 13-Jul-07 00:54:10

Relationships are about give and take - I'll bet he picks up some of your slack.


I hate 'man bashing'.

LordPan Fri 13-Jul-07 00:56:24

<< praise be some good taste and sanity >>

joash Fri 13-Jul-07 01:10:19

Not complaining about my DH - he has many, many failings (as, I am sure, do I) - but he's DAMN GOOD where it matters for me!!!! - so that more than makes up for the things he's crap at.

wrinklytum Fri 13-Jul-07 01:22:43

In some areas my dp can be crap BUT in important thing he is a treasure,so if I have posted negative things about him I fully revoke them, tonight,as he has been so much stronger than I have recently regarding my dds problems.I am the one who is falling apert.Bless.Tonight he has said "We should get married"

bonkerz Fri 13-Jul-07 07:28:50

My Dh is the same and i compensate for it by also moaning to my mates and by being superhuman!!!! Shame he doesnt see it that way though!

runawayquickly Fri 13-Jul-07 08:36:23

I don't mean to man bash - we all have our failings. It's just I don't, as a rule, see men wasting time and energy defending/explaining/compensating for their Dps and I wonder where it all stems from. 20 years down the line, I hope my Ds is not going to have his wife run to the shops at the last minute to try and get my birthday presents when he's reminded and still doesn't look arsed to do anything about it.

krang Fri 13-Jul-07 09:01:20

Agree with cyclonbabe.

Hardly surprising that partners take the piss if we let them. Why pander to an overgrown spolit child then complain about his failings? Either do it, and like it, or don't put up with it.

If DH doesn't pick his clothes up, they don't get picked up. If he forgets his mum's birthday, that's his lookout. I don't expect him to be my personal assistant and he doesn't expect me to be his.

LazyLineLegilimens Fri 13-Jul-07 09:06:31

I'm sorry but not all men are useless and what do you expect when you do all the work? Maybe the "I have to do everything" overly-organised woman act makes him feel like he's totally useless and then he just gives up. How is he ever supposed to get better if you do everything for him?

Men are humans, you know not pets. Maybe try giving them some credit.

yellowvan Fri 13-Jul-07 09:31:59

In our house its not so much "compensate" as "delegate"

I could just imagine him on here moaning "she can't even mend a blummin puncture on her bike, oh no I have to do it every time. And as for tiling..... sheeesh"

Horses for courses imo

brandnewhelsy Fri 13-Jul-07 09:39:13

DH can be crap at certain stuff - school things, planning beyond next week for childcare, holidays, birthdays, unable to pick stuff up, can't make food without a recipe or instructions, blah blah blah and I feel like I do all the thinking sometimes, and I don't buy the failure to multitask thing - it's an excuse to be idle and I think too many women buy into it and let men off the hook.

However, DH more than compensates for any shortcomings he may have by ensuring the house doesn't fall down, we have a car that runs, I don't fall out with everyone we know because of my short temper, frequently talks me out of walking out of my job (the short temper thing again), and - his biggest strength in my opinion - finding me sexy at ALL times

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