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Wife is ill and asleep

(80 Posts)
pearses Fri 05-Apr-19 02:40:17

My wife has been ill for some time. Nothing massively serious, but pretty bad. She started treatment last week and it went wrong, they think something else is in play. We find out tomorrow, Jesus I am fearing the worst. I've no reason too but I just have this sickening feeling. The symptoms all match the worst case scenario - but they also march other things but they symptoms are so severe it seems unlikely to me, but then I no nothing. Sorry for posting here, I don't think I've ever posted but I've been here a long time. I can't tell her because she is in such a positive place, but I know ill not sleep tonight. Also it's not worth my life to wake her.

I'm not really looking advice, just wish there was someone to talk to right now.

ShouldHaveListenedInBiology Fri 05-Apr-19 02:44:54

I’m sorry you must be so worried. This is the worst time of night for worries to get out of hand - although I’m not belittling what you are feeling as it must be very concerning.

Can you try and distract yourself with some tv or listen to an audiobook or podcast? Worrying is not going to affect what you hear tomorrow so try and focus on what you can do to stay strong for your wife.

Sending a handhold and best wishes.

ShouldHaveListenedInBiology Fri 05-Apr-19 02:48:06

And that sickening feeling does not mean there definitely is something worse going on - when I am worried about something my brain goes immediately to the worst case scenario in an attempt to prepare myself. It’s a very unhelpful tendency that I think a lot of people have, it’s a sort of self protection as I see it but it never helps me.

pearses Fri 05-Apr-19 02:49:07

I know, I absolutely know that lack of sleep and all this shit is not best analysed at 2.46. I fell asleep briefly and woke and just can't get back to sleep.

The speed they are rushing the tests through is just so concerning. There was a massive list for the treatment for what they originally thought it was, now all of a sudden is a priority.

Just need an answer, and a good one.

gotmychocolateimgood Fri 05-Apr-19 02:49:27

Sorry this is happening. You might feel like you have to be strong but you can't be strong all the time. Is there anyone you can talk to in real life for support? I hope you get the best possible outcome tomorrow.

pearses Fri 05-Apr-19 02:50:36

Oh and thank you for replying. I appreciate it. Few of my friends are going through some really horrible things at the minute and I won't burden them with this, as it really might be nothing. Well it's not nothing, we know that much already, but not life threatening.

Decormad38 Fri 05-Apr-19 02:51:39

What are they testing your wife for?

pearses Fri 05-Apr-19 02:55:10

Yeah shouldhavelistenedinbiology, maybe we should have listening in biology! It's been a horrendous few months with the issue she already has but to think it might be worse than what was already wrong. She is just an amazing person, plus I'm punching so far above my weight it's bonkers. She has been so down and I've been positive, but strangely this this happened last week things have flipped.

She's a great person too, she doesn't deserve this, I'm a dick but it's not happening to me. Where the fuck is karma?

pearses Fri 05-Apr-19 02:57:03

I was gonna say I'm not saying but I can't imagine many of my buddies are on Mumsnet. A tumour in her endocrine system - as far as I am aware. I don't really know what that means though, ive read up on it and know about the relation to hormones etc.

She's been very unwell for months but it was put down to something else.

Decormad38 Fri 05-Apr-19 03:02:52

The thing about endocrine tests is that whatever they think it may be it will require lots of tests. So I wouldn’t take that as an indication. There are a wide range of endocrine disorders too. Diabetes is an endocrine disorder. Have you focused on the word tumour do you think?

pearses Fri 05-Apr-19 03:06:28

Very possiblt and I am.aware they said there could be a tumour which doesn't mean cancer. It's just simply the fact the symptoms have been so so severe that it never made sense that it was something small. She has literally been knocked off her feet for months, with something that was, not minor, but not major enough to have had the effect it has.

I'm aware I'm making no sense, so I'll stop for the night. Thank you for the replies, I do appreciate it, I really need to talk to someone and to be told to wise up, and yous said it in a nice way.

Decormad38 Fri 05-Apr-19 03:08:31

Try to sleep as things can seem worse in the night but make sure you talk to friends and others too.

pearses Fri 05-Apr-19 03:12:56

Hopefully there will be nothing to talk about. Part of the reason I've said nothing is I'm worried I'm blowing it out of proportion and then have to back track. I've never been this worried, something is so clearly wrong, ever part of her has been affected and no one seems to have an answer. It's just frustrating and then to throw this in, it's been a very hard few months and it kinda feels like tomorrow (today now I suppose) something horrible is coming. She's a special sort of person, and way to good for me.

mathanxiety Fri 05-Apr-19 03:16:14

flowers to you both.

pearses Fri 05-Apr-19 03:18:41


BrainWormsWontWin Fri 05-Apr-19 04:00:04

Wishing you all the best tomorrow to you both. It's not much but I'll be thinking about you. Understandable that you're worried. Whatever it is try and find someone to offload to. You'll feel a bit better for it.

TheSandgroper Fri 05-Apr-19 04:01:26

Hugs to you. Tomorrow will be a big day. Do a couple of practical things. Charge your phone. Make sure you have plenty of memory, too. Then you can record your wife’s next appointment. That means you can concentrate on what is being said rather than having to think about remembering it all. Also, you can refer back to it when family etc ask questions.

Prep a simple dinner so the thinking for that is done.

When your wfe gets up, change the sheets. The thought of a fresh bed can be a comfort to look forward to.

Good luck. Mumsnet will cross fingers and toes.

cantfindname Fri 05-Apr-19 04:25:13

Wishing you the very best outcome for the test results.

I was extremely ill 7 years ago now, and was told by a surgeon that there was no more he could do and that my life was limited (weeks rather than months) Went home pretty devastated and told my family, who were in bits. My partner was amazing, he just did everything 'right' He was positive and encouraging. Then. four long weeks later I had a letter from the hospital.. believe it or not they had made a mistake and the news I had was given to me in error. I feel so sorry for the person it was meant for as those four weeks were a special sort of hell seeing my family hurting so badly.

But, the moral is, don't give up and think the worst. As the PP said, do little things for her that mean a lot. Clean sheets are a great idea, and make sure she has supplies of favourite shampoo, soap , shower gel. Fresh fluffy towels, nice pyjamas and a lovely tidy bedroom and bathroom. Little things that don't need a huge effort but are so nice. It's tough to be ill and see things that need doing but not having the energy to do them yourself.

Please come back and let us know how she is. I, and I am sure many others, will be worrying right along with you now.

Rangoon Fri 05-Apr-19 04:57:55

We discovered my teenage son had a neuro endocrine tumour ( a NET). We only found out because he had his appendix removed and the NET was in the appendix. He had his appendix removed because he was very sick, It turned out he was very sick because he had picked up a virus which had nothing to do with the NET or his appendix. He had a CAT scan to find out if the cancer had spread because the lymph node next to the appendix was inflamed. The CAT scan showed the lymph node was normal once he got over the infection but it was a dreadful wait to find out. He has now been given the all clear and was told that one day it would be no more than an interesting footnote in his medical history. I hope you get the same sort of good news. I too assumed the worst and it is very easy to catastrophise in these cirumstances.

Wowserme Fri 05-Apr-19 05:07:07

Keeping everything crossed for you both today. 💐

memaymamo Fri 05-Apr-19 05:42:44

@TheSandgroper that is such lovely, practical advice.

Cherrysherbet Fri 05-Apr-19 06:15:06

Hope everything goes well today. Sending good vibes to you both 💐

AceOfSpades123 Fri 05-Apr-19 06:22:57

Positive thoughts for today

kateandme Fri 05-Apr-19 06:39:58

big hugs don't sound like a dick at all like yours will be exactly what will get you both through whatever comes.
and we are all here for you too ok.

Belenus Fri 05-Apr-19 06:50:59

I hope it goes OK today OP. The problem with our endocrine system is that even something small and treatable can cause enormous problems. "Cretinism" is just hypothyroidism for example and is now treatable but it used to be so bad that people were institutionalised for life and treated as being "subnormal". You can see its legacy in the way we use the term "cretin" now but it is just an imbalance in the action of the thyroid.

Wishing you strength.

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