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I am Onit, hear me ROAR. Thread 5!

(262 Posts)
onitlikeacarbonnet Wed 27-Mar-19 12:36:32

“I am not afraid of the storms for I am learning to sail my ship” Louisa May Alcott.

I was looking for something to call this thread and came across this quote.
It’s not entirely true; yet, but almost 3 years and 5 threads later, I actually almost believe I can do this.

But I still like the last thread title as it still feels fitting.
I’ll save the LMA quote for the next one.

Here’s a link to the last thread.
Hope you all find me, my amazing friends star

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3211292-I-am-onit-hear-me-ROAR-occasionally

Mix56 Wed 27-Mar-19 14:51:52

It's been such a long haul Onit, there will still be moments when he hurts you to your core again, but meanwhile, Well done Lovely !

Trethew Wed 27-Mar-19 19:09:29

Still with you Onit x

dressinggowndonna Wed 27-Mar-19 19:30:41

Onit you have come so far since those first threads you have done us all proud! I hope things continue to move onwards and upwards now he's decided he doesn't want to pay anymore!

Doidontimmm Wed 27-Mar-19 20:11:14

Been here from the start, mostly quiet but cheering you on x

Underthefur Wed 27-Mar-19 23:35:03

Still here Onit, rooting for you x

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour Wed 27-Mar-19 23:49:55

Still here, glad you started a new thread xx

Mary1935 Thu 28-Mar-19 06:57:48

I was just thinking about your thread yesterday. Good to see you.

jinglewithbellson Thu 28-Mar-19 07:51:33

Still here. Checking in.

thankscake

KittyLarkin Thu 28-Mar-19 08:58:09

Here! Here! Onit happy you are okay and feeling stronger. Agree with the others now he has decided he does not want to pay, things will only get better.

KOKO Onit x

TheLastNigel Thu 28-Mar-19 16:19:07

Oh hi x

Turnedovernewleaf Thu 28-Mar-19 22:09:23

Hi onit

I don’t often post but have followed your threads right from the start.

Pleased that you have started number 5

You are amazing !

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel Sat 30-Mar-19 16:04:54

Been watching and willing you on since the start and will continue to do so. You have coped with such a lot and have come so far. KOKO. Have some flowers for tomorrow Onit.

AgathaF Tue 02-Apr-19 07:33:33

I'm glad you've started a new thread.

How did MD go in the end?

onitlikeacarbonnet Thu 04-Apr-19 21:38:58

Oh god agatha, what can I say? Lovely and awful in equal measure.

My dsis collected them, dropped them at home with the bf and I got home about 30 minutes later.

We had tea, mostly prepared by the bf, and after he left to drive home, me and the dc snuggled up for bed. All very lovely and happy smile.

I’d noticed on Friday, literally just before school, that dd was scratching her head. Had a look and thought she might have headlice. I could see what looked like a couple of eggs.
I sent LCB an email asking if he could treat both dc, anyone else with contact to them and all bedding etc.
I stripped their beds, washed and dried for them coming home on Sunday.

At bedtime Sunday I went to brush DD’s hair and realised she still had the lotion in her hair.
I should’ve noticed earlier and showered her (I would normally on a Sunday night but as it was a special night I’d decided we could stay up a bit later and shower in the morning). On questioning them about when they’d had the treatment, ds said his dad hadn’t read the instructions on the lotion before putting dd in the shower on Friday night. So he’d treated them on Saturday morning. They’d been left on Saturday night to shower but dd had got shampoo in her eye so hadn’t finished washing her hair.
So dd had nit lotion on her head since Saturday morning and shampoo too since Saturday evening.

Monday morning, it took 3 repeats of shampoo and half a bottle of conditioner to get her hair remotely manageable. It was like straw. She had (has) a very sore dry patch of skin on her forehead and was screaming.

He’s done this before. I couldn’t even be arsed to let him know. Because HE DOESNT FUCKING CARE.

The trauma that was washing DD’s hair notwithstanding, the dc were delighted to come home on Sunday, see me, and the bf, go to bed a bit later, sleep in till 7.45 (not 6.30 like at their dads), not have an hours car journey before school and still have time to play with their friends before the bell.

But I need to decide if I can afford to pursue the motion through court. I’ve been quoted £300ish to just get it to court. And my solicitor says there’s an equal chance the sheriff will make no change over changing it back. He says he might offer a compromise of every other EOW (if that makes sense).
I’m going to have to go for it, though. The dc are adamant they want to be here and DS has said he will write a letter to the sheriff. There’s something he can do with an independent witness that only the sheriff will see (form 44 or something confused).

It seems like LCB dragged the dc into this with his court report and now I’ve no choice but to play that game. Makes me sick to my stomach but DS is going to be 10 soon and he wants to be here. Of course LCB would take that as a personal slight but it’s not. He just wants to be able to play with his mates and get a lie in on a Monday morning.

Sorry for the essay grin.
Been a tough week.
And I haven’t even mentioned the drunk man who made a pass at me in my living room at 3.30 on Wednesday afternoon last week blush.

OhioOhioOhio Thu 04-Apr-19 21:40:47

Only 2 seconds to join and say that I LOVE your op quote.

onitlikeacarbonnet Thu 04-Apr-19 21:42:17

Thank you Ohio smile

1fluffydoodle Thu 04-Apr-19 21:55:32

So I take it he didn't check her hair and remove any eggs after the treatment either... leaving a child to do their own head-lice treatment is shocking, it's obviously irritated her scalp as it hasn't been removed. I'd be tempted to take her to the GP with the rash and explain what has happened. That would mean you have documented evidence of his negligence.

Candleabra Fri 12-Apr-19 15:54:38

Onit, I have lurked for ages but have followed your story, just wanted to post to say how much admiration I have for the way you have dealt with everything. Your strength and determination to do the best for your children is amazing.

OhioOhioOhio Fri 12-Apr-19 16:12:27

I've read the first post and that's all, so far. If it's about surviving a broken heart then count me in.

OhioOhioOhio Fri 12-Apr-19 16:13:54

Oh I see. I have my threads muddled.

My quote to contribute is 'don't make someone a priority if for them you are merely an option.'

ScreamingLadySutch Fri 12-Apr-19 17:15:43

Onit I don't know whether you have ever followed ChumpLady (The Unending Punishment of Breeding With A FuckWit)

but she says: document, document, document. Document EVERYTING. When they came home ravenous having had a packet of crisps and a Fruit shoot. The insecticide lotion.

Have a book. Date. time. Incident. Every remark DS or DD make noted with Date. Time, Incident.

Every late night haranguing email. (DO NOT ENGAGE)

She says: courts are only interested in evidence and the best interests of the children.

OhioOhioOhio Sat 13-Apr-19 10:10:01

ScreamingLady

Excellent post. Thank you. I'm off to read about Breeding with a Fuckwit.

SunshineCake Thu 18-Apr-19 20:52:31

This man is horrible. Is he doing shit parenting so he has the children denied to him and playing it so he can blame you?

onitlikeacarbonnet Thu 25-Apr-19 08:29:47

Sorry I’ve been absent.
I’ve been struggling with back pain since last summer and recently it’s ramped up a lot. Doc thinks it’s my femoral nerve and have a physio appointment next week. On amitriptyline but it’s not helping so far other than turning me into a space cadet.

The motion is being lodged with the court about getting the dc back home on sunday nights again. My lawyer asked me to speak to school again to see if they’d add more weight to their comments about DS’s behaviour change. Just back on Tuesday so that’s on my list for tomorrow. Would’ve dealt with that already but DD has been kicking off about going to school now. Just leaving me in general.
I think my night away started it and I know she was upset during the holidays when she was at her dads for the first week. DS told me.
But the first day back at school she tried to bolt as we were going in and, in the struggle to get her through the door, I jarred my back and now I’m in total agony.
I read her the riot act after school and she’s been good as gold since but it’s upsetting.

She did something totally out of character the week before the holidays which I had to punish her severely for and it only adds to my feeling that both dc are unhappy and acting out because of it.
Of course there’s no way to prove it’s down to this extra time with their dad but it wasn’t happening before so...

Anyway. Time for work.
Sorry again for disappearing.

Have a good day everyone flowers

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