Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

would you reatliate?

(28 Posts)
painrush Wed 11-Jul-07 11:53:51

if your family life was damaged by someone you didnt know, but you had the wherewithal to retaliate, would you do it?

obimomkanobi Wed 11-Jul-07 11:58:44

only if it were legal and didn't strip me of my dignity.

How has your family life been damaged and how do you want to retaliate?

ChristyC Wed 11-Jul-07 11:58:54

Depends. The situation, how bad it was, we need more to be able to comment.

painrush Wed 11-Jul-07 11:59:54

it would be to make someone go thru the pain (as in hurt feelings etc) that im currently going thru. nothing illegal, but making their family suffer similarly, or should i just let it go?

obimomkanobi Wed 11-Jul-07 12:01:00

What have they done?

LittleLupin Wed 11-Jul-07 12:03:09

no. why make yourself as bad as they are. take the moral high ground.

painrush Wed 11-Jul-07 12:03:12

i dont want to go into details, but i have been hurt very badly (emotionally), and feel like gaining revenger/retaliating in the same way. but dont know if it would make me feel better, or help my situation?

throckenholt Wed 11-Jul-07 12:06:00

do their family deserve to be hurt in the way yours has ?

Even if they have caused a problem, are their family involved.

I would like to think I would be big enough to let it go - and treat the individual with the contempt they deserve - ie by ignoring them.

mylittlestar Wed 11-Jul-07 12:06:56

Ok I will make something up to put this into context - for example - a married woman has had an affair with your dh... you have found out...

You've got the pain. You have to live through a nightmare each day. She goes back to her family and lives with no reprocussions...

And should you tell her dh and ruin her family too?

Probably not. It wouldn't make you feel any better and more innocent people would be hurt.

Would I retaliate in that situation - if I'm truly honest - yes I would.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 11-Jul-07 12:07:50

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Be the bigger person here and do not stoop to their level.

painrush Wed 11-Jul-07 12:08:42

not as bad as what you said mylittlestar, but emotionally painfull all the same. feel so hurt, but want to get thru it. just feel like the person involved is laughing at us.

mylittlestar Wed 11-Jul-07 12:13:00

It's hard to advise without knowing the details (and hope I didn't offend with the example was just trying to get a context)...

But I agree with people who say rise above it. And revenge is definitely always a dish best served cold. In the heat of the moment our judgement may not be at its best...

But think how it will make you feel to retaliate. Would hurting them give you some comfort and make you feel any better?
Do you think it would remove those feelings of them 'laughing at you'?

If it will genuinely help you to get over it then you need to do whatever you need to do.

If it will just hurt more people and not help you, then maybe try to find other ways to move on and put it all behind you?

peachypie Wed 11-Jul-07 12:13:56

I was in a similair situation, i thought about revenge for a long time, but what good would it do? short term yes it would feel good but long term I may not feel so good about myself.
4 years on im glad i decided not to, I didnt come across as bitter, i have kept my self respect and not lowered myself to the same level as those with out morals.

Let them reap what they have sown without your intervention if possible.

But thats just my opinion and the circumstances may be different.

painrush Wed 11-Jul-07 12:14:26

thank you everyone

mylittlestar Wed 11-Jul-07 12:17:08

<<am very nosy so if you change your mind about telling us the details I'll be waiting!>>

good luck

painrush Wed 11-Jul-07 12:19:49

thanks mylittlestar, wish i could, but would make things worse, and im trying to rebuild everything, the foundations rocked, but im still standing.

will think about whats been said and done, and will wait and see if anything further occurs before i act.


harpsichordcuddler Wed 11-Jul-07 12:24:02

the problem is that it is very hard to "limit" the hurt - if you deliberately set out to hurt a person, then people close to them inevitably get hurt too. you might say that it not your fault, that the party in the wrong brought it on themsleves. you wou dbe wrong about that.
revenge is destructive and vile and brings out the worst in humans. go and read Shakespeare if you don't believe me those stories don't have a happy ending

Pennies Wed 11-Jul-07 12:26:29

if you have mutual friends I would just let it be known what they have done (if ou can face doing that) and let the gossips meter out any punishment.

painrush Wed 11-Jul-07 12:27:36

i dont know the other person/family, but they have hurt me and my family life, and feel they are getting away with it, and laughing ta me/us

suezee Wed 11-Jul-07 12:30:59

hi painrush hope ur ok......the chances are u will feel bad about urself for stooping to their level if u retaliate,this may seem the easiest option as ur livid at the mo,but make it known ur better than them x

Anniegetyourgun Wed 11-Jul-07 12:59:37

You showing strength and dignity and rebuilding something good out of your life will leave them nothing to laugh at.

painrush Fri 13-Jul-07 11:33:13

has been a few days since last post and feel calmer now (tho still extremely peeved).

am still contemplating on whether to retaliate. feel in better frame of mind, but cant help but feel that they are getting away scott free, whilst im suffering?

sorry to keep on, ranting like this does help......

mylittlestar Fri 13-Jul-07 12:17:49

Feel free to rant away! That's what MN is for!

So do you think you want to retaliate?

TaylorsMummy Fri 13-Jul-07 12:45:25

i don't think anyone can advise you properly on whether it's a good idea or not without knowing anything about the situation/person involved

zookeeper Fri 13-Jul-07 12:55:17

Don't do anything whilst you are hurt and upset then come back and ask us again

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: