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Totally Regret Letting Him Move In

(48 Posts)
maysum Wed 11-Jul-07 10:07:23

My partner and I were together for around 2 years before I let him move in with me. He was living with his parents and I already had a house so it made sense that he move in with me and my children.

However I totally regret this now, he's a lazy, miserable, selfish arsehole. Everything he does winds me up and he doesn't care.

He comes in from work and just sloths on the sofa, he expects my children to be quiet and out of his way (preferably upstairs where they're out of his mind) and he sits there controlling the TV watching all his boring men and motors programs. I don't watch TV anyway so it's not as if I'm missing out but having something boring on constantly in the back ground is worse than not having a tv on at all IMO.

He doesn't lift a finger around the house, sits on his arse waiting for his meals to be cooked, his plates to be cleaned, his drinks to be made, his clothes to be picked up off the bathroom/bedroom floor and washed and ironed, he leaves crap everywhere...chocolate wrappers, crisp packets, beer bottles all just left where he drops them (often on or beside the sofa).

He never wants to do anything, says he "works like a dog" all week (he only works in a shop! ) and he has the right to relax at weekends. He does sod all, doesn't do sports, has no interests other than cars and this means he constantly fucks around with ours when he doesnt know what he's doing which ends up costing us loads in repair bills. I had had my car for 3 years and it had NEVER had anything wrong with it, he moves in and occasionally "takes a look" at it and its practically in and out of the garage every couple of months now.

When he first moved in we agreed that we would have seperate bank accounts for personal use and a joint account for household bills. Well I save money in mine, he hardly uses his because as soon as he gets paid he wastes it all on computer games, mobile phones, dvds, clothes etc and then if ever we do go out or do anything I'm left having to pay for us all out of my own money. Plus when he moved in he brought with him a load of credit cards and loans which means I'm having to pay half of that off as he see's it as "household bills" and so pays it out of the joint account.

I can't stand it any longer, I want my old life back where I come home from work, play with the kids, make dinner, watch tv together, go out together at weekends...everything has changed now and its turned into a depressing household and I hate him for it but he's already made it clear that I will have a hard job making him leave. what can I do?

Cappuccino Wed 11-Jul-07 10:09:13

change the locks while he's in the shop

pack all his stuff up and leave on pavement

close joint account and give him cheque for half of remaining cash

sounds like an arse

ConnorTraceptive Wed 11-Jul-07 10:11:19

kick the fucker out

seriously what are you waiting for?

LittleLupin Wed 11-Jul-07 10:11:44

What Cappucchino said.

When you say "he's already made it clear that I will have a hard job making him leave", what sort of things has he said?

Piffle Wed 11-Jul-07 10:14:27

Ask him to leave if he says no, ask for help from the police. You kids are involved and his behaviour is damaging them. So just mention that.

RubySlippers Wed 11-Jul-07 10:15:01

why on earth are you paying his debts off?
get him out now before he makes you believe you can't

LittleLupin Wed 11-Jul-07 10:18:08

Close that joint account NOW and give him half the remaining money.

He is a user, you need to get him out of your lives.

BandofMuggles Wed 11-Jul-07 10:19:29

He sits waiting for all this to be done, but why are you doing it.???

How long ago did he move in, some ground rules are in order here.
It is YOUR house and if he doesn't pitch in then he can't live there.

BandofMuggles Wed 11-Jul-07 10:20:27

If he can't afford to go out on your dyas out then don't let him go.
You have to make him responsible for his actions, you are not HIS mummy.

BeetrootHeidi Wed 11-Jul-07 10:21:00


Please get rid of him - do as cap says

bundle Wed 11-Jul-07 10:21:44

he sounds dreadful, do get rid of him.

BandofMuggles Wed 11-Jul-07 10:22:27

It's your house I don't see why you should have trouble getting him out.
Unless you were silly enough to put his name on the lease/whatever it's called when you own a house

BandofMuggles Wed 11-Jul-07 10:24:39

And btw I hope you don't keep the kids quiet and in their rooms as it was their house before it was his.

BandofMuggles Wed 11-Jul-07 10:25:26

Sorry if I sound really mean, but am outraged at his bhvr and really hope you get out of this. He will not change so you are better off without him.

TaylorsMummy Wed 11-Jul-07 10:25:32

omg,what an arsehole.kick him out!! its easier said than done if he's the father of your kids but he's not!! get rid. kick him to the kerb!! change the locks and throw his stuff out.he's treating you with no respect.he doesn't deserve any back,imo.

expatinscotland Wed 11-Jul-07 10:26:42


Why would have a hard time making him leave?

It's YOUR house. He's not on the tenancy agreement or mortgage.

Change the locks and put his gear out on the pavement.

If he raises a fuss, call the cops.

Nbg Wed 11-Jul-07 10:28:54

I cant believe your having to ask us what to do!

Its so obvious.

Why would anyone want a childish, selfish freeloader living and taking the piss out of them?

maisemor Wed 11-Jul-07 10:32:55

If you do decide to change the lock, pack up his stuff and put it outside I suggest that you ask a (preferably burly) friend or some family to stay with you for a while until he has had time to calm down and hopefully go away of his own accord.

Always have your phone on you with the police's number on speed dial.

TaylorsMummy Wed 11-Jul-07 10:34:25

how old is this bloke??
i bet his parents got the party poppers out when you took him off their hands!!

suezee Wed 11-Jul-07 10:37:40

send him back to his place for an arse like him )

SeaSalty Wed 11-Jul-07 10:39:48

Maysmum - what is stopping you from getting this awful man out of your lives?

It is blatantly obvious from what you have written that you know he has to go...

How can we help you take this step?

hoolagirl Wed 11-Jul-07 10:50:14

Think of it this way.
Do you still want you and the kids in the same situation in a years time, and if he's just moved in I bet it will only get worse.

hesta Wed 11-Jul-07 10:59:39

does he have any redeeming features at all? you don't need to ask anyones permission to get rid of him, but i know that it helps to 'hear' people tell you you're doing the right thing. GET RID of him. try and do it reasonably if he doesn't go, follow advice below, change locks etc. He is a total c* by the sounds of it. think of your children. do not pay anymore of his debts, they're not in your name so it makes no difference to you. be strong. do it and rejoice!

fedupwasherwoman Wed 11-Jul-07 11:03:33

Acknowledge that it will be hard work to go through the "delousing process" but just like when the kids get nits it's got to be done.

Plan ahead and protect your finances by using almost every penny in the joint account to pay for household bills and then when you are ready (with emotional and physical support lined up, local police numver on speed-dial) get the locks changed whilst he is out at work and then telephone him to let him know, offering to have a friend meet him with his stuff or offer to get his personal stuff taxi'd back to his parents ready for him when he gets there that evening.

Be strong and see it through, it will probably be very unpleasant as he's unlikely to give up his cosy homelife without a fight but you know he is not going to change and you either put up with this indefinately which is unfair on your children or you make the break now.

Pebsee Wed 11-Jul-07 11:04:23

If you're worried where you stand legally making him leave go and see CAB and/or get a 30 min free session with a solicitor.

If you're scared of him then get someone to stay with you for a little while.

Seriously, he has to go - what kind of role model is he (and your relationship with him) for your kids????

Good luck!

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