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Working with the other woman after the affair

(49 Posts)
hurtwife Wed 11-Jul-07 08:57:10

I was going to namechange but thought you would all know who it was anyway.

As lots of you know H had affair - pretty typical now as it seems to be such a similar pattern others.

He has returned to work which involves them having daily contact. I was not sure i could handle it but we have been trying. No it has not been at all easy - it brings a lot of anger up and as it is still fairly recent we have not got past many anniversaries ect. Added to this i have a fantastic memory for dates and so some days i can remember what was going on last year. He cant and that makes it all the more frustrating.

Anyway they have both found it difficult to work together and i dont think anyone is surprized. But it looks as though she is going to be moved and although this is not promotion as such it could very well lead to it soon.

I am finding this very difficult and really wanted some good old fashioned revenge tactics to cheer me up.

I have not faced her - not because i am scared but i did feel it would be better for him (i sort of regret that now). I am trying to stay dignified but also want to have a secret chuckle about all the hateful things i could do. But probably wont!!

So any ideas very welcome.

hurtwife Wed 11-Jul-07 09:00:02

I know it is good that they will not be working together but this feels like she is being rewarded for her behaviour.

Also i am not a hateful person but i still feel such anger somedays - i want to turn this into laughter please.

eidsvold Wed 11-Jul-07 09:01:21

put her pic and info on that cheaters website

eidsvold Wed 11-Jul-07 09:02:36

order all sorts of things and have them sent to her - for which she has to pay - you know pizza, chinese, indian, anything like that.

catalogues etc to be sent to her - ones for very dodgy stores.

throckenholt Wed 11-Jul-07 09:03:27

the best way to get through this is to get over it (sorry to be blunt). You have to let it go - don't go for revenge because that will extend the whole thing. And presumably any revenge should be shared between both parties (H included there).

If you really want it to work then you have to work on trust - and trust you H to deal with it. If he doesn't deal with it sensibly or you can't trust him to then it is going to be a very long road ahead.

Stay dignified - and don't sink to their level.

Papillon Wed 11-Jul-07 09:04:26

and his picture too, it takes two to tango after all.

If you are having issues with moving on with these emotions, perhaps talking to your husband or getting some individual or couple councelling might help??

How is your relationship with your dh now?

throckenholt Wed 11-Jul-07 09:04:45

by the way - she won't be promoted beacuse she had an affair with your dh - but because she happens to be good at her job (despite screwing up her personal life and yours along the way).

mother2b Wed 11-Jul-07 09:04:50

May we have link to cheaters website please?
somebody i just want to check on

hurtwife Wed 11-Jul-07 09:09:18

I know i do have to get over it - the problem is how - i would jump through that hoop if i knew what it was.

I know i am looking for peace in the wrong place. I tend to be a jolly person and i hate the way this makes me feel. I know that if i went into the office i would want to say out loud something like 'has everyone got there tickets for this show then' as i am sure all eyes would be on us.

I dont even really want revenge - in some ways our relationship is so much better than it was - should i just thankyou to her?

I just need cheering up today and a bit of escapism is ok isnt it?

hurtwife Wed 11-Jul-07 09:16:35

I know she will not the promotion because of the affair but she will 'move' because of it. I am sure she has messed up her personal life too.

It is just like justice i suppose - i sort of want it but i know it will not make me better.

But we all like to read the trashy true life stories now and again and thats what i want to do now, make up some fun endings for mine.

LieselVentouse Wed 11-Jul-07 09:41:47

Is there a cheaters website?

TimeForMe Wed 11-Jul-07 09:42:56

You know what, I think if you can work through this, in the wonderfully dignified manner that you have managed so far, you will have got the best revenge possible and the 'fun' outcome you are looking for.

I have been foolowing other threads and reading your posts and they are so lovely, supportive and written from the heart. I have much admiration for you.

I agree with the poster who advised you to remain dignified and not to lower yourself to their standards.
But there's no harm in a bit of fantasy xx

moondog Wed 11-Jul-07 09:43:33

Your best 'revenge' is to get over it with your dh and to live happily ever after,if that is both your and his dearest wish.

TimeForMe Wed 11-Jul-07 09:43:45


macdoodle Wed 11-Jul-07 09:49:08

oh hurtwife I so feel for you - you always seem so brave and dignified - compared to some of my ranting (and oh yes I did confront OW and call her some bloody nasty things not sure it helped though )...
no suggestions but I do understand in a way how you feel - OW is having (D)H baby and I hate the fact that she has been "rewarded" with a wonderful gift for her horrible evil immoral behaviour I would like to punish her forever (and trust me some of the things I thought were not nice)

expatinscotland Wed 11-Jul-07 09:51:57

You can get into serious trouble for 'revenge'. Don't bother.

He's really lucky he's got you and not me.

moondog Wed 11-Jul-07 09:54:00

Wot,Macdoodle,the other woman is having your dh's baby!!

I would be outta there so fast.

hatrickjacqueline Wed 11-Jul-07 09:54:09

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland Wed 11-Jul-07 09:55:54

I hope to teach my children that they're better off without people who treat them like this in their lives.

throckenholt Wed 11-Jul-07 09:58:09

ok - didn't mean to lecture !

Have some fun with your fantasy revenge - but just don't let it get real - it won't help you at all.

LittleLupin Wed 11-Jul-07 10:01:21

hurtwife, I agree with the others - living well is the best revenge.

This may have been said before, but have you considered changing your MN name? I don't think your H's stupid actions should define you. Could we not find you something more cheerful, and more about you?

macdoodle Wed 11-Jul-07 12:34:13

moondog lots threads hereabouts on my crap with title did not go down well - suffice to say we are NOT living together - (D)H things we can "fix" things (hence the brackets giving him benefit of doubt) - but I doubt there is any way to fix our marriage but trying to maintain some semblance of realtionship for DD (and my DC2 on way) and joint business venture
Sorry hijack over

suezee Wed 11-Jul-07 12:39:20

what a shitter for would be fab if u could skip all this turmoil and make things gr8 again,but u need this time to evaluate ur relationship and see if it can actually withstand ur husband being an absolute fuck wit.dont let him off the hook so easily........y not suggest counselling it may do u both good

1sue1 Wed 11-Jul-07 13:13:28

Not sure if the cheaters site you want is this one, but this one is quite an eye opener.

Warning, nuddy piccies:

hurtwife Wed 11-Jul-07 16:18:30

Yeah i know i should really namechange but hey thats how i felt then - have toyed with others so maybe some good suggestions.

Iam getting on with my lovely life - i know what is important and i have learnt a lot about myself through all this. This time last year i could never have seen myself being able to cope alone but i know i could now and i am no longer scared of what that could be like. Shock horror i have even returned to my career - and it feels great.

Thanks to all the lovely posts though i am glad i may be of some help.

Also just wanted to say that he has not got away with it all he is still coming to terms with the terrible things he has put us all through - but that is his problem really. I just wish i could switch my brain off from the dreadful things i sometimes wish on her.

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