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So, my husband is having an affair ... with our friend

(80 Posts)
maskingtherealme Thu 21-Mar-19 01:21:40

Two fucking years ago!

Camilla WAS a close family friend. I saw her as a sister, best friend and children saw her as an Aunty. She came (on too many!) holidays with us - actually, all but one in 7 years, days out, stays over etc. She was once married to Andrew but she split from him in March 2017. Since then, Camilla and my husband Charles have had a make-over with the clothes they wear! They began a diet regime - TOGETHER! They started a new hobby - TOGETHER! They made household decisions in my home - TOGETHER! She insisted on sitting next to him on the same sofa rather than the spare, she would strip to her thong and bra to weigh herself in front of him - it's endless! I suspected something as far back as July 2014. But I wasn't overly concerned. She is an exhibitionist and also Charles was NOT one of those blokes who would look and chase - GOD, how wrong I was! But during that time, my depression took hold. I became withdrawn, used my smart phone as a release from the world around me - Charles and Camilla ignoring me, forgetting i was there and USING ME! Charles claims he feels on a high with her and not with me. he loves us equally - which hurt. We have been together for 14 years. I compared us to sweets; standing in an aisle not knowing whether to buy the smarties or the rolos. The Bastard was loving the pull from us both!

Anyways, here I am on day 5 now (early hours). I had a solicitor appointment yesterday which was EXTREMELY positive in my favour. I told the solicitor that Charles wants to; sell Camilla's house, give me £200,000 and move Camilla into our martial home - with his mother in the annexe and our children aged 7 and 4 sharing their time between 'home' and 'mummy's little house'. He laughed! I am entitled to FAR MORE than what he realises due to the massive imbalance in salaries between us plus a hefty child maintenance and a share of his pensions.

In 48 hours, Charles had ended it with me and asked to try again a total of FIVE TIMES! During that time, which was also a catalyst for him back and forth with his indecisiveness, Camilla apparently slashed herself - but not hard enough - and told him. the final time came when he went to see her to end it. Apparently a GP was being called by her friend because she was 'in a state' yet 24 hours later shes at work grinning like a Cheshire Cat whose got the cream!!! Not sure the slashing happened OR this GP was being called. Also apparently another guy left his wife for her last week when she had a choice between him and Charles and asked Charles to go with her!

Charles said there's been nothing sexual. Not convinced. Getting myself check out.

But stupidly I want him back. I think Camilla is manipulative, controlling - more so than Charles - and he lied about sex. Because he lied, I think Camilla has used that as a noose and said (slyly) that she (me) will find out and now he feels he has no choice but to be with her because I won't take him back - but I would!

One last chance! If he admits to sleeping with her prior to Tuesday 19th March and that this was all planned, I would want to save our marriage BUT on my terms. At least if he IS being controlled and felt he had no way of coming back, he may just?

I would give him 48 hours to consider and if I get a reply of 'no' or no reply at all, i am willing to go for full divorce procedures and I have a LONG LIST of unreasonable behaviour but also my solicitor said I could go for adultery.

Helpful advice would be welcome. I know many will think I am bonkers taking back a man who potentially has lied about the length of the affair and the nature of it, but I love my family. I want us to work. I don't want that home wrecker, narcissistic, man eater, selfie obsessed, control freak having my family.

How dumb of me to trust her.

Boredgiraffes Thu 21-Mar-19 01:26:26

I don’t get this, is it somehow meant to be funny? It makes no sense and it just weird

MissLadyM Thu 21-Mar-19 01:26:36

And?

thefirst48 Thu 21-Mar-19 01:26:39

Your post screams you only want him back to get one up over on her! Rightly so but I hope that's not the only reason you want this cheating prick back. I couldn't do it.

Singlenotsingle Thu 21-Mar-19 01:28:14

I don't think you need any advice. You've got them sussed and you know what you're doing. Good luck, strong lady.

sofato5miles Thu 21-Mar-19 01:33:02

Wear a seat belt...

beenwhereyouare Thu 21-Mar-19 01:35:24

Be strong, love yourself. Don't spend 40 years trying to change yourself so he will loe you enough to choose you. You deserve to be someone's only choice, the only one they want. We all do.
thoughtcatalog.com/krizzia-paolyn/2017/09/if-you-ever-have-to-choose-between-me-and-someone-else-please-do-not-pick-me/

Monty27 Thu 21-Mar-19 01:44:32

It's not Easter yet love. hmm

SleepingStandingUp Thu 21-Mar-19 01:45:29

I have a LONG LIST of unreasonable behaviour
You don'tdeserve to be married to a guy who behaves like this.

How did you find out and was it two years ago r for the last two years?

Don't take him back to spite her. He'll just do it again
I'd tell her he keeps asking for you back thoigh

Boredgiraffes Thu 21-Mar-19 01:47:48

Has anyone outraged actually read the post? Camilla and Charles lol

Lweji Thu 21-Mar-19 01:48:12

Just divorce him, FGS.

And keep wearing seat belts, yes.
Any thoughts from MIL?

Smotheroffive Thu 21-Mar-19 01:49:15

Charles and Camilla ..OK...yeah, hmm

1forAll74 Thu 21-Mar-19 02:02:19

Is this Jilly Cooper writing this,, it all sounds very dramatic, exciting even !! My life was a bit like this many many years ago,, but I had to give it all up for some peace of mind.. Just got myself three cats and like to play my piano every day.!

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 21-Mar-19 02:24:10

I see that that the nasties are out in force.

Put the wineglasses down dears and actually read what theOP has written.

OP, I took mine back after him cheating and honestly it was the worst thing I ever did. I took him back because I loved him. Except I didnt.

I loved the man I thought he was, the man I had married, lived with, trusted. I didnt love the man he showed himself to be, who lied, cheated and couldnt be trusted.

Taking him back just made the pain last longer, made the eventual break up harder, made it all so so much worse.

I know you dont want her to "win" but lets face it, you will all know that theonly reason he is with her is because you dont want him. A win for you I would say. And dont forget that she is the sort of person who will probably get bored as soon as the novelty wears off, if he doesnt get fed up with her dramatics in the meantime which it sounds like he already is.

You could try again, but it has to be your decision and not his. Dont give him 48 hours, ask him what he wants and if it is to come home tell him you will think about it. IF you decide to try, and I dont recommend you do, then it comes with conditions including intensive couples therapy before you even consider letting him move back in.

Good luck

MsDogLady Thu 21-Mar-19 02:24:53

How dumb of you to trust HIM. He was cheating on you right in front of you.

Why would you want this pathetic, weak man in who has treated you with utter contempt? Find your self-respect and divorce him. You could never trust him ever again. He will likely never stop his sleazy shenanigans with her.

LellyMcKelly Thu 21-Mar-19 02:37:35

Pack up his stuff and dump it on her doorstep. He doesn’t get to tell you where you’re going to live.

Decormad38 Thu 21-Mar-19 02:40:39

Ok the Charles and Camilla analogy is weird as that makes you dead in a car crash but anyhoo...

Leave him he’s being a twat. That’s fairly plain to see. Get your dignity back.

Smotheroffive Thu 21-Mar-19 02:45:34

Where's OP? Why have you posted about Charles and Camilla, and Andrew?

Are you Diana? But don't out yourself

Crabbyandproudofit Thu 21-Mar-19 02:47:05

Take him back if you really don't think you deserve any better. If you think Charles and Camilla (it's easier than deciphering A and B etc) are a lousy pair of individuals, they probably deserve each other and you should throw him back.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Thu 21-Mar-19 02:52:13

^ One last chance! If he admits to sleeping with her prior to Tuesday 19th March and that this was all planned, I would want to save our marriage BUT on my terms. At least if he IS being controlled and felt he had no way of coming back, he may just?^

Really this is madness. He has treated you so badly. Why do you want to give him a chance? You are so angry at "Camilla", but "Charles" is a fully grown adult who could have stopped this at any time.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Thu 21-Mar-19 02:54:55

^ I would give him 48 hours to consider and if I get a reply of 'no' or no reply at all, i am willing to go for full divorce procedures and I have a LONG LIST of unreasonable behaviour but also my solicitor said I could go for adultery.^

Don't get hung up on the legal basis for divorce. Virtually everyone can come up with enough unreasonable behaviour however happily married they are. Your solicitor should have explained that. Bear in mind that he is in sales mode at the moment (you'll get x, y and z) and reality can be quite different. I'm a solicitor but not a family one. But I know a lot of them!

Dunin Thu 21-Mar-19 03:42:19

Why would you want him back? He’s not the man you thought he was. You deserve better. He’s been absolutely disrespectful and manipulative. He’s a liar and a cheat and then to top it off he wanted YOU to move out, sell her house, move her and his mother in...wow he really thinks a lot of himself doesn’t he. You know you don’t have to go anywhere right? Your kids are small. You stay put. I’m guessing you’ve spent your life running around after him, agreeing with him, facilitating him. Stop doing that. Make him move out now and stand on his own two feet. Do no more for him. Is she really going to wash his dirty underpants? There’s nothing to take the shine off an affair quicker than reality. Get rid, don’t sign anything without a solicitor looking at it and do not leave the house. Keep posting on here. We will help you. Forget about this woman and what she’s doing. Get rid of him. Never speak to or want to know anything about her again and never ever ever let any woman (even a sister) do all of that stuff again. Coming on all of your holidays??? No no no!

Frenchmontana Thu 21-Mar-19 04:37:36

OP its doesnt matter how the long the list of unreasonable behaviour is. Or if you divorce on the grounds of adultery. It wont improve your position in the divorce.

Its sounds great what the solicitor is telling you. But its not necessarily going to go that way.

The difference in wage earnings, if you were sahm or worked part time to facilitate his career, will help. But, depending on your age, you will be expected to get a full time career and support yourself at some point. If he is a very higher earner, you may get spousal support. But not forever.

You may get part of his pension. But wont be half and could be just for the years you were taking on child care.

Do not walk into divorce proceedings believing everything a solicitor tells you.

purplepears Thu 21-Mar-19 04:47:49

Seriously, people......
confused

bmbonanza Thu 21-Mar-19 05:45:56

Get rid, he will do it again.
Maybe you will get all the ££ the solicitor says or maybe not, but you will be free of this user who thinks he can play games with your happiness.

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