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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Would you be ok with this?

110 replies

Apache · 09/07/2007 21:45

If you were dating someone (say you'd been dating longer than a year) would you be happy paying half towards everything that you did together? for instance going to the cinema, going for meals etc... if he expected you to pay half towards everything despite knowing you were very short of money whilst he had much more disposable income, would you be ok with this?

OP posts:

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nickytwotimes · 09/07/2007 21:46

i'd expect whoever earns more to pay more often.

Carmenere · 09/07/2007 21:47

Tbh, no. If I cared about someone who had less disposable income than me, I would just pay for them without thinking about it.

clairvoyant · 09/07/2007 21:47

I agree, if you earn less and he's known about this for over a year he should be treating you to things. Seems fair...

littlelapin · 09/07/2007 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fingerwoman · 09/07/2007 21:50

yes, I would be. But I would point out that I maybe couldn't go out for dinner and other stuff as often as the other person might like as I had less income,.
that said it is nice to be treated occasionally.

If I were the person with more money I would just pay the whole lot.

themildmanneredjanitor · 09/07/2007 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BecauseImWorthIt · 09/07/2007 21:51

I wouldn't expect to be paid for - but I would make sure that he knows that I couldn't afford my share. Perhaps you will have to stop going out as much if you can't afford it. If he wants to go out, then he can make the choice to pay for you, but you have to make your situation clear.

Personally I think it's wrong to assume that just because someone else has more money that they should pay for you.

Desiderata · 09/07/2007 21:52

Wise words from lapin. It's the only way to go.

His response will be insightful! He either says, 'No problem, I'll pay,' or it will be a shifty look and a furrowed brow ... and who the hell wants a tight-wad for a partner?

stressteddy · 09/07/2007 21:52

Nope, not if dating them - is this relationship going anywhere I would ask myself. Sounds like a one sided deal if you ask me

controlfreaky2jocasta · 09/07/2007 21:53

mean git!

Apache · 09/07/2007 21:53

When I say that he just says "ok, we'll leave it" .

At the weekend we went for a meal and afterwards I worked it all out, mine came upto £6 and his came up to £12 yet I was still expected to pay half towards the overall cost.

I don't want to seem like a spoilt diva wanting everything paid for me but I've never been so skint as I am now but it doesn't seem to bother him. He has just bought a £70 xbox game and then some dvds at weekend and then asks me to pay half towards the meal.

OP posts:

nickytwotimes · 09/07/2007 21:54

he's got an x box and doesn't treat you?
is it time to move on ?

mumto3girls · 09/07/2007 21:54

I think it shows generousity and consideration on a boyfriend/girlfriends part if they offer to pay for the one who they know has less disposable income.

Perhaps he doesn't want to embarrass you or appear flash with his cash?

themildmanneredjanitor · 09/07/2007 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TenaLady · 09/07/2007 21:55

Call me old fashioned but if he hadnt coughed up on the first date, I wouldnt of thought very highly of him.

My going dutch days only happened when I was married and we had a joint account and were both earning.

Lets face it, there is a lot more disposable income floating around these days, sounds like he is a tight old bugger, ditch while you can, he will make your life a misery!

elesbellsrae · 09/07/2007 21:56

i think there is something wrong with him. you deserve better than that. i wouldnt be happy at all. what a meanie.

mumto3girls · 09/07/2007 21:56

just read that he says leave it then...hmm..leave him then.

To be honest I would have said whilst picking my food. I'm a little skint so I am choosing something less expensive than you okay? My food costs £6 and I would only have paid that. It's harder to do that after a meal without sounding tight, but if he knows your situation and shows no consideration he doesn't sound that good a boyfriend!

themildmanneredjanitor · 09/07/2007 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 09/07/2007 21:56

No. I'd have dumped him months ago. If he's that stingy and it's only money, what else is he stingy with?

elesbellsrae · 09/07/2007 21:57

its not my xp is it?

hermykne · 09/07/2007 21:57

oh apache
thaat doesnt bode well.
have it out with him and if his attitude is still the same, then ask for a break .

iota · 09/07/2007 21:58

I agree with EIS

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expatinscotland · 09/07/2007 21:59

He made you pay for some of HIS meal, too, knowing you were skint as well, after being together for over a year?

He's an asshole, Apache.

Get rid!

KerryMum · 09/07/2007 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crokky · 09/07/2007 22:01

No, I wouldn't be OK with it - if I was the one with more money, I would feel bad about making the one with less money pay half.

However, is there any chance that since you always go halves, he might think you would be insulted by him paying it all?

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