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Handhold - Told H I want a divorce, the fallout and rise again - hopefully

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MNHQ have commented on this thread.

awesmum Tue 12-Mar-19 19:00:27

Part 2

Well I never thought I would have to make a follow up page.

Thank you all lovely people for the handholds, if you've read the previous thread you know what I have been through, and I can't begin to explain how wonderful I found the support on here. So Thank you ... on I go!

awesmum Sat 09-Nov-19 19:44:26

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3739572-handhold-told-h-i-want-a-divorce-the-rise-and-fall-i-am-rising?watched=1&msgid=91459929#91459929

TFthatsover Sun 20-Oct-19 23:45:25

How are you doing OP?

NewLevelsOfTiredness Tue 08-Oct-19 14:41:55

I really am not wonderful, just trying to do what's right

Yes you fucking are!

I've followed this thread, and the previous one from the start and it's awesome that it's moved from hoping you cope and get through it to just being curious to see what new strength, happiness and wonder you've discovered in your freedom.

BeUpStanding Tue 08-Oct-19 14:16:49

Fabulous update!

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel Tue 08-Oct-19 10:53:27

What a lovely update and how far you've come.

Mrsmummy90 Mon 07-Oct-19 06:05:52

Just saw your update and it's so lovely! I'm so happy for you xx

Disfordarkchocolate Tue 01-Oct-19 16:56:03

Wonderful update @Awesmum, what a strong resilient woman you are.

upaladderagain Sun 29-Sep-19 22:11:50

Just raising a glass to you Awesmum. So, so pleased for you to have all that tension lifted from your shoulders: you must be walking on air. Cheers!!

sazzle27 Sun 29-Sep-19 21:55:40

Followed your story from the start @awesmum , and am so glad to read your latest update!

How fantastic to have that freedom and relaxation ❤️

(Also concerned at how close to 1k you're getting!)

LannieDuck Sun 29-Sep-19 20:56:32

What a lovely update smile

awesmum Sun 29-Sep-19 20:44:40

Hello everyone
I just wanted to pop by see how you all are. I had all my family over for a party this weekend it was heavenly, I haven't had them over in years, to be able to relax, wander around with ease and enjoyment. Not to watch what I said or did, to kick people out after an hour or have asked permission in the first place. To have no build up of anxiety beforehand just pure excitement of seeing everyone. To chat freely, make jokes, be loud, or quiet at my will. To eat what I like and drink as much or as little. To not worry about mess or noise. For my family to also be able to relax and laugh in my home. To just be. With my family. Oh what a difference a year makes.

AcrossthePond55 Sat 14-Sep-19 15:52:55

That's nuts!!!

You know, I agree with the 'benefit of the doubt' thing. It will show the courts that you are trying to be cooperative and that he's the one who is disregarding the court orders and being obstructionist.

No, you can't help stupid. But thank God you no longer have to live with it! It may take time, but things will get settled. And I definitely think he's the 'give him enough rope' type.

awesmum Fri 13-Sep-19 23:33:45

@AcrossthePond55 no unfortunately you're not allowed to inform the parent or insist on them treating the nits, it's deemed as bullying.

The nursery are keeping a diary. Which I will be using if needs be. It maybe I am not this stupid I know it's not a one off. But I 'have' to give him the benefit of the doubt.

@Dullardmullard I wouldn't put it past him to get into trouble get fined and then fight it. He loves a fight and has on numerous occasions when we were together fought the most ridiculous battles in court and lost every time.

He's now reached his second set of allotted time to respond the divorce papers are going to the court. You can't help stupid.

AcrossthePond55 Fri 13-Sep-19 21:01:54

Totally off track but a nursery isn't allowed to tell a parent that their child needs to be rid of nits!?! When mine were in school a child would be sent home if they had nits with a note to not return until they'd been treated and were 'clean'.

He'll never change. I guess there's not much you can do unless you can prove he's been taking DD into work. And as far as not responding to the divorce, what happens next? Here it would mean they'd 'defaulted' and a hearing date would be set right away.

Dullardmullard Fri 13-Sep-19 17:34:31

her*

Dullardmullard Fri 13-Sep-19 17:34:05

So if no nursery where is he taking her home or his work as that is a breach right away.

When are you back in court or was that the last one there.

Plus what the hell will he do once she is at school as that will get him fined if he doesn't take here

user1494670108 Fri 13-Sep-19 15:08:55

Your update is amazing, you are getting stronger and creating a better healthier home for your dc.
He, meanwhile is still behaving the same (like a twat) and the record of this will go against him if you return to court

PonderingPanda Fri 13-Sep-19 15:02:09

@awesmum - isn't he going against the court with the nursery issues? Can you go back to Court about it?

Disfordarkchocolate Thu 12-Sep-19 19:42:12

Hello @Awesmum, I've followed your threads and seen you get stronger and stronger but you post about your 'betterment' just shows how far you have come. It bought tears to my eyes.

awesmum Thu 12-Sep-19 19:32:28

Thank you everyone for your very kind words. I really am not wonderful, just trying to do what's right.
It may all come to nothing, but it may help someone.

@Moffa I know exactly what you mean everything I did was wrong, I couldn't do right for doing wrong. I am still appreciative for the clarity of having him out of my head.

As for where I am at the moment. He's refusing to respond to the divorce. Not a surprise, he's again not speaking to DD on hangovers as he clearly hasn't the ability to be civil. He's not taking DD to nursery when he has her, or picking he's her up far too early. Won't respond if I ask if she's ill via email.
In the handover book I told him nursery had asked for her to have her hair tied back tightly as one of the children has nits and as they're not allowed to say anything to the parent they are warning other parents. He's not doing it - he only drops her off on the days I collect her. The nursery are keeping a diary of her absences as he's not even informing them, they've also agreed to put her hair up with hair bands I provide to prevent her getting nits.
Her nursery are amazing.

Mrsmummy90 Mon 09-Sep-19 22:26:08

This update is amazing! Look how far you've come!
It's so wonderful that you're using your experience to help others in this situation.

You're an incredible woman.

BeUpStanding Mon 09-Sep-19 22:02:04

Your update has brought a little tear to my eye! All of us who have read and followed your threads are so goddamn proud of you. It is wonderful that you're turning something so painful and horrific into something positive that will help others.

Moffa Mon 09-Sep-19 21:16:24

Thank you for your kind words @awesmum. It’s so crazy isn’t it. Once you realise what is going on. You talking about how he said you breathed too loudly has reminded me that I was often told off for eating or chewing too loudly. No one else over my entire life has ever said I’m a noisy eater & I've asked friends since who say it’s nonsense. My clothes were wrong, my hair was wrong, what I said was all wrong. The thing is, it gives me the chills now just thinking about how much I tolerated even though I knew deep down I was so unhappy. Watching the kids laugh & play and joining in with them means everything has been worth it. I was so stressed & shouty before. Urgh.

I’m going to speak to the police just so things are on record somewhere. And several friends and my therapist have offered to make statements. I suppose this is my insurance policy in case he either hurts me or starts trying to get custody. He would present as someone wholly reasonable & sensible as he is so good at masking his true self and paint me as some hysterical mother. He would only do it to hurt me as he isn’t really interested in the children. Luckily 6 months out of the relationship I am thankfully more together than I have been in years!

How are you doing? X

ditchinthekitchen Mon 09-Sep-19 14:45:39

Oh yes, also interested in reading your blog @awesmum!

NettleTea Mon 09-Sep-19 14:03:39

@awesmum that is fantastic about crisis, absolutely fantastic
Id love to read your blog too

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