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How do you get your DH to listen to your opinions without coming over like a nagging old bag?

(18 Posts)
barefeete Fri 06-Jul-07 13:59:27

My DH is normally very respectful, thoughtful and even tempered. But over the last few weeks he just point blankly refuses to listen to me and in fact today just said exactly how he felt about a situation but absolutly refused to listen to me when i wanted to say something in reply. I found this so so so annoying and it was like someone had their hand over my mouth and was gagging me. It mad me so mad that he just wouldn't listen to me. I really impressed myself by being even tempered and not shouting and listening to him but then wasn't allowed the same respect. What do i do to get my opinion accross to him? forget it? write and email or just make him listen? He has always had a tendancy to think that any opinion of mine that isn't the same as his means i am telling him off - the childness of it really gets to me.

LoveMyGirls Fri 06-Jul-07 14:01:46

What about going out for a meal and chatting instead of having a "talk" or massage him whilst telling him what u want him to hear or talk to him while hes in the bath?

DrNortherner Fri 06-Jul-07 14:02:35

Give him a BJ first.

LoveMyGirls Fri 06-Jul-07 14:03:37

And start with "[insert puky lovey name] i feel really upset because lately when we are talking it feels like you are not respecting me as your equal partner, i would like it if we could [insert solution] or ask him if he can think of ways to solve it?

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands Fri 06-Jul-07 14:04:08

Drug him. Or talk at him while he sleeps.

PavlovtheCat Fri 06-Jul-07 14:04:48

I do beleive it is impossible.

barefeete Fri 06-Jul-07 14:05:00

the massage will def work and to be honest so would the BJ! Maybe give him a night to really remember!

singingmum Fri 06-Jul-07 14:05:10

A relationship is about listening and respecting each others opinions even if all we end up doing is agreeing to disagree.Him making you feel like that is so not right it's unbelievable.Sit down and tell him how you feel both on the issue you wish to speak up on nad the fact that his attitude in not listebning to you is the same as saying that what you think is not important to him or his life.If he continues to be childish tell him off like a child when his opinion is not the same as yours and see how it makes him feel.He won't like it and then maybe he will start to understand how you feel

elasticbandstand Fri 06-Jul-07 14:06:09

i did try reading men are from mars women are from venus...but couldnt hack it. that seems to be how i talk, for eg. not saying the bin needs empyting, say please can you empty bin.
no pussy footying around by the sounds of it,

what are you trying to say to him

barefeete Fri 06-Jul-07 14:10:28

I think i am going to get my friend to babysit this weekend and chat over a drink. lovemygirls - good plan to make him think he is in charge of the conversation. I have a feeling that he just dosn't like the idea that i might be critising him and so dosn't listen in case i am! is this men in general or just mine?

barefeete Fri 06-Jul-07 14:15:59

eleacticbandstand - sounds stuipd but fridays are my only day where i can meet up with other mums and he keeps asking me for 4 weeks running to do stuff for him on that day that are urgent and have to be done without fail. He has known that they have needed to be done on the previous day when my toddler is at playgroup and i could have easily done it then but he just doesn't think. I have a 3 month old baby and spend all week ferrying him around and considering nap times, feed times and activity stuff for children and so would just like thim to appreciate how tricky it is for me to drop everything instantly and sort out his stuff for him. Maybe i am being picky but it annoys me what do you think?

OrmIrian Fri 06-Jul-07 14:17:41

Without coming over as a nagging old bag.....

Never considered that option..

elasticbandstand Fri 06-Jul-07 14:19:23

dont do it then barefeete, leave it til monday, see what he does then.

barefeete Fri 06-Jul-07 14:21:23

ormirian - it's a tricky one for me but sometimes i have to think of the greater good and not just the rantfactor and the few seconds of relief it gives me!

clutteredup Fri 06-Jul-07 14:22:57

try tslking him to in the same way that parenting books recommend talking to your dc. I.e. positive praise, reinforcement of good behaviour, looking at him at his level while you are talking to him..[smirk smiley]
I talk to my dh when he's not listening, it goes in as he does hear... then I leave it for a bit...then lo and behold he comes up with what I said as his idea...then i get to agree with him.....everyone happy.

barefeete Fri 06-Jul-07 15:06:17

clutterdup - best advice ever! THANXS

SecondhandRose Fri 06-Jul-07 15:09:35

Get yourself a book called 'Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps' and both read it. It is an interesting read.

barefeete Fri 06-Jul-07 17:33:50

thanks secondhandrose - trying to get DH to read anything apart from the insolvency legislation is tricky enough but will give it a go if it will bring peace and harmony to our house!

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