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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What have I just found on DH's phone?

49 replies

thenewzealandstory · 19/02/2019 20:36

I went to look on the internet on DH's phone as mine was charging and a tab was open, not the one he'd been looking at.
It was a site called 'Jerkmate'.

Feeling pretty sick but weirdly not sure how to handle this.

I can't find a thing on his phone, emails, messages, nothing.

The only thing is that if I go onto his browsing history it only goes back as far as yesterday afternoon. So it looks like it's been deleted at that point.

Do I confront him or do I look for more evidence???

I'm actually more annoyed that this is a phone he lets the kids play on.

I know we aren't having as much sex as he'd like.

OP posts:

Report

user3910 · 19/02/2019 20:38

It is just a porn site OP?

user3910 · 19/02/2019 20:38

Obviously understand you may not be ok with that

lottielady · 19/02/2019 20:40

Apparently it’s a porn site that provides ‘teen masturbation partners’.

Yuk. Sorry OP.

Ellabella989 · 19/02/2019 20:40

I’ve just looked and it’s a live cam show/porn website

mummmy2017 · 19/02/2019 20:42

You can get your browser to delete history when it closes.
He could have done this so the children never see anything...

starzig · 19/02/2019 20:45

Now on my browsing history too.
Hope my partner isn't paranoid and insecure or he may be posting on a chat forum about it as we speak.

thenewzealandstory · 19/02/2019 20:49

I think I'm going to have to talk to him.
I just don't quite know how to even begin plus I guess he could lie about it so easily.

OP posts:

BarryTheKestrel · 19/02/2019 20:52

Are you sure he's been using it or is it just a pop up from a more mainstream porn site? Is porn a no go in your relationship?

If you've been unable to find anything else - did you check if an account was logged in on the site? If not I'd go with a pop up rather than actively using it.

thenewzealandstory · 19/02/2019 20:54

It wasn't logged in and when I clicked to log in it didn't come up with a known username or anything. I'm hoping it is a pop up.

OP posts:

thenewzealandstory · 19/02/2019 20:57

He's never been into porn and quite uninterested. I think I'm the kinky one in our relationship!
He's either at home or work and calls me and texts me lots. He's a very lovely man.

But I guess everyone has secrets.

OP posts:

LuckyLou7 · 19/02/2019 21:01

If he's a very lovely man, then talk to him, tell him what you saw on his phone. Maybe he's just been pretending to be disinterested in porn. If looking at porn isn't a dealbreaker, then tell him.

BlueJava · 19/02/2019 21:02

Before you talk to him please consider it would genuinely have been an accident on his part. I warned DP on Sunday that I got our TV stuck on a lesbian dating site (I was searching for Lesley Sansome 1 mile happy walk to do some gentle exercise) and clicked something wrong... then again... then I was on a lesbian site. I told DP just in case he saw the history and thought it was one of our 2 DS. So it could be innocent.

BlueJava · 19/02/2019 21:03

Sorry - could genuinely have been...

HappyLife21 · 19/02/2019 21:06

We believe you Java

GabsAlot · 19/02/2019 21:08

you can be lovely and still look at porn although dont let the kids play on the phone that could be dodgy

thefirst48 · 19/02/2019 21:10

It's not just teens. It's a live cam website where the person you've chosen and yourself masturbate at the same time.

thenewzealandstory · 19/02/2019 21:21

I told him I saw something on his phone and was shocked.

He says he looked at porn a few days ago but it wasn't a site with webcams.

This is all so very new to me because he's always said he doesn't look at porn.

I'm not anti porn but it's just why has he changed? Is it because we aren't having as much sex?

OP posts:

LuckyLou7 · 19/02/2019 21:56

Ask him. Maybe it is the lack of sex? Maybe he has always been interested in porn but kept it a secret from you?

Adora10 · 19/02/2019 23:10

So you’re ok with h him masturbating with a web cam girl he isn’t going to admit it and why’s he deleting his history if he’s innocent

Insomnibrat · 19/02/2019 23:13

He hasn't changed. His story has.

MumsyJ · 20/02/2019 06:36

Maybe trying to look out for ideas to impress you since you're the kinky one, hence the porn site visit?

LaughingCow99 · 20/02/2019 06:46

Adora10, some people are OK with porn and there partners watching it. High horse, get down from. Porn is OK in many relationships. Web cam maybe much less so, but your judgey tone is cringeworthy. The op is in shock, lay off. Jesus.

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LaughingCow99 · 20/02/2019 06:46

Their*

AstralTraveller · 20/02/2019 06:53

I used to work with a married couple. The wife was not at all techy and when we worked together she used to almost brag that her DH wasn't into porn, was the perfect husband blah blah. Except that I knew how to use the works computer. I knew exactly what he looked at when he was alone in the office. I wasn't the only employee that was aware of this either so you might well be in denial about what your DH looks at online OP.

thenewzealandstory · 20/02/2019 07:50

Ok yes I'm absolutely not ok with him being on any sort of webcam site.

We're barely talking and he's now gone to work.

I feel like shit. It's the not knowing. I want to trust him and that it was just looking at a porn site this one occasion or occasionally.

Short of making him take a lie detector test on Jeremy Kyle I'm not sure what I can do to be honest.

If he's jerking off to some woman on an online chat room this changes everything,

OP posts:

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