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i feel like i don't really matter to anyone except DH and DS

(5 Posts)
PregnantGrrrl Thu 05-Jul-07 11:59:37

this will probably sound like self indulgent twaddle, but please bear with me.

i work, and get along fine with my colleagues. i have one person at work i would class as a friend, but i don't tend to socialise with her outside work much at all.

outside work my friends only seem to communicate with me via email / text, i rarely get a phone call or a real chat. if we see each other it's always in a pub, and it's all a bit superficial. We've invited several of them over for meals etc, and they have come, but don't ask us to theirs, although i know they ask others. one of them, whom i considered close, has had some exciting news which they won't share incase they jinx it- which would be fine, but i know they've told other people this news.

at my recent wedding, none of my Dad's family came, because it was too much bother to book a day off. my mother was supposed to make a wedding cake, but didn't bring one, then said she hadn't found the time to do it. my Dad went to a pub between my wedding and reception, then left early to go drinking with his friends instead. My parents didn't even bring a camera to my wedding.

i don't feel lonely- DH and i are trully best mates- but i feel like i'm being cheated out of some proper friendships / relationships outside my family home. it pisses me off that i make lots of effort to keep communication open between family and friends (when they make little or none...usually none) and i do kind things for people, only to find i don't seem to matter.

DH has been telling me for years that people are shitty to me and i shouldn't do nice things for them, but i've always said i like doing nice things, and i'm naturally inclined to be like that. Now i'm starting to feel left out and ignored, and like the only people who care trully are DH and DS.

is this just what happens when you have your own family? am i pissing and moaning about nothing?

i've been sitting here thinking that in fact, i don't have any true friends i can rely on (other than DH)

if you've read all this, well done. sorry for going on. i needed to tell someone how i felt

runnyhabbit Thu 05-Jul-07 12:08:32

this is not self indulgent twaddle.

I can relate to some things you've said - esp the friends thing. And wanting to do nice things, because its in your nature.

I'm lucky that I have great relationship with my family, so can only sympathise with you, but dh family are nice enough, but don't communicate at all. And very often dh is the last to know anything within the family.

If I'm brutally honest, I don't have any true friends either. But I don't actually mind. I have friends who have dc, so we got to soft play together. I have work colleagues, who are fine to work with, but I chose not to socialise with (used to, when I worked for another company, but someone who I thought I could trust, told private stuff)

When I do nice things now, its for those who appreciate it.

Sorry if I've rambled a bit. Just wanted you to know, you're not alone feeling like this And MN is the perfect place to get it off your chest.

PregnantGrrrl Thu 05-Jul-07 13:23:43

i've decided to stop doing all the running with my family- from now on, if they keep in touch, i will too. They can use their phone bill / petrol for a change (or not, as will probably happen)

maybe i need some new friends or at least some real ones.

EverLovelyChubby Thu 05-Jul-07 13:54:22

Aww pregs girl.....understand how you feel like this. I have always tried hard with people to make friends but people get so caught up in their lives it's like they can't make time for you and I always get 'blown out'.

I have friends but like you no true friends who I could ring up and have a heart to heart with mum and sister are there for that. I certainly can't rely on my DP to listen to my probs, he's not one for that but that's a whole diff story!!

I'd like some friends too, am making friends here on MN. Any MNs perhaps in your area? I can give you my email if you would ever like to talk????

mylittlestar Thu 05-Jul-07 14:10:00

I do think you need some new friends. And I don't mean that as flippantly as it may sound. (I know it's not that easy to just meet new friends!)

But perhaps the girl from work? Perhaps organise some night out? Or maybe other MNers close by?

I really think that when you put a lot into friendships and relationships, others should appreciate that and give that back. If they don't, then they don't really deserve your time or energy.

It's a difficult one. But great that you are so close to DH. He sounds great. You're very lucky

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