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Have not spoken to my Dad for a long time.....

(12 Posts)
MoreSpamThanGlam Thu 05-Jul-07 11:02:04

after he was rude to my husband in front of everyone by calling my husband an idiot. My Dad was dead right, my husband had been a feckin nincompoop and it had severely affected our lives, but I was so cross I decided that enough was enough. That was almost 2 years ago.

I missed a call from him last night. So i texted is everything ok? He rang back and said he would like to see all of us this Saturday - its his birthday today (I forgot), he wants us to all be there.

He said he heard about us losing our business and our house and wants to help.

my Dad is a millionaire with assets, but not necessarily cash rich. Which is why he feels the need to tell us where we are always going wrong, and how brilliant my sister is (he bought her a flat and a house and a car).

My Mum and he split when I was a baby and I had an awful relationship with my Mum which I have been spending lots of time trying to repair. She hates my Dad because he has never helped my finacially and always shown favour to my stepsister. She is jealous and feels betrayed that i spoke to him today.

I told my Dad about us having our house reposessed and moving to rented and said its just our mistakes and we will have to deal with it. He said thats all he needed to hear and will get a mortgage in his name for us to live in. He is selling his farm and should get about 1.5 million for it. Ive never asked for his money or help, and tbh I think thats what he is waiting for, he can be very controlling like that.

Anyway - sorry for the ramble - I am in a right mess and dont know if I should go or not. He has never seen my youngest dd (9 months) and I feel like I am betraying my Mum.

I dont have any other family - what would you do?

macdoodle Thu 05-Jul-07 11:08:56

Go don't even mention the money see what he says just try and rebuild the relationship first...I have a difficult relationship with my dad as well but we have built bridges as much as we can - and sometimes they are better with grandkids - you only get one set of parents - hear him out

MoreSpamThanGlam Thu 05-Jul-07 11:12:54

Im not really interested in his money, thats half his problem - he sees money as a way of showing affection or emotion.

When my Mum is being particularly spiteful she sais I am just like him and always worry about money (she never works and lives on benefits - so we have a different view).

hellobello Thu 05-Jul-07 11:45:48

How much can you re-build on your own? Is there anyone else who could help? How damaging to you could it be to get back in contact with your dad? It's a difficult situation. My dad is a control freak as well and he uses money instead of listening. Money can be useful but sometimes the price is too high. In my case I think the price is too high. There are other ways round. I do sympathise.

MoreSpamThanGlam Thu 05-Jul-07 12:37:37

All my life i have wanted a relationship with my Dad, but always feel like i am the other child that his family had to tolerate once a month.

I want a relationship with my Dad, but is it ever going to be the one I want?

ChipButty Thu 05-Jul-07 12:41:02

Please try and rebuild your relationship but don't let him give you any money if it is going to cause conflict. You only get one father - try to get to know each other again for your sake and for the sake of your child - before it's too late. If you don't, you may live to regret it.

lizziemun Thu 05-Jul-07 13:36:28


I don't have a close relationship with my dad, but we do now after nearly 15yrs we do have what can only be called a freindly relationship.

I ask for nothing from him and he asks and give nothing in return.

I would say that if you want to have a relationship with your dad then have one, you mum needs to understand that her realtionship with him is nothing to do with you and the same with your relationship with him.

lizziemun Thu 05-Jul-07 13:38:49

Sorry i should have added that my dad has become more a where of family since he bacame seriously ill/dying earlier this year.

MoreSpamThanGlam Thu 05-Jul-07 13:57:51

Thanks everyone. Im going to go

Beetroot Thu 05-Jul-07 14:00:45

he called you dh an idiot and he was dead right? and this stopped you talking to him? I bloody hope your dh feels bad about this.

And of course you should go

maisemor Thu 05-Jul-07 15:19:36

I think you should go, but I don't think you should take his money (unless you really, really have to i.e. need to in order to feed and clothes your little family).

He probably has a lot more respect for you because you do not want his money than he has for your step siblings whom he has financially supported on a (few?) occasions.

Your mother sounds jealous of your father's money. She should maybe have a little look at herself when she says that you are just like your father as an insult. She chose him as your father so he can't be all bad. Of course you are going to be a little like him, just like you are a little like her.

Beetroot Thu 05-Jul-07 15:22:42

He is your dad - if he offers money then take it fgs

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