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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Social Services and boyfriend moving back in.

237 replies

jj1234565 · 10/02/2019 15:59

I am involved with social services and have been involved with them for the last 15 months due to my Ex boyfriend not doing what they say i.e attend certain courses. The reason I am still not here brooks is because I haven't ruled out ever getting back with him. We were on PLO but have recently been downgraded to Child Protection. There has been two incidents of domestic assault because of drugs. Both of which he has been to court for and pleaded guilty and served his time etc. I have spoken to social services RE getting back with him because he has sorted himself out and is now taking part and doing all the courses and is drug free and working full-time. (I don't need any advice on who I should or shouldn't be with.) - They have told him/us that if he does complete the work they ask that they could consider letting us get back together. I.e living together. Does anyone know if they are just playing him along, would they ever let us be together and live in the same home.

OP posts:

Report

ElspethFlashman · 10/02/2019 16:02

How much time does he spend in the home at present? I presume he stays overnight if you are still together?

forumdonkey · 10/02/2019 16:02

Wtf. Give your head a fucking wobble. Why do you want to do go back there and why do you want to put your poor DC's there again?

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 10/02/2019 16:02

I hope they don't because the pair of you are obviously too self-absorbed to consider the best interest of your kids.

rvby · 10/02/2019 16:02

I can only hope they are

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2019 16:02

I don't need any advice on who I should or shouldn't be with

Oh but you do

I doubt they're stringing you along. They're probably just hoping you'll wake up and want what's best for your DC, rather than for you.

BitchQueen90 · 10/02/2019 16:03

Well your boyfriend is clearly more important to you than the welfare of your children so I hope they don't let you live together.

explodingkitten · 10/02/2019 16:04

You do realise that this is very serious and that they can take the children away from you? You really should put the children first and above your love life. Don't you love them?

Mishappening · 10/02/2019 16:05

There are good reasons here to feel concerned about the well-being of your children. That must be your priority - no ifs, no buts.

thefirst48 · 10/02/2019 16:05

There are billions of men out there why do you want to stay with this loser?

OurChristmasMiracle · 10/02/2019 16:05

IF he does all that is needed they might allow you to try again however if he has been violent before it really would depend on the local authority.

If you are on a CP plan you do realise that if you fail to do what is detailed in that plan they can and will apply for an interim care order and take your child away from you?

jj1234565 · 10/02/2019 16:06

Thanks for the reply Elspeth. He doesn't because he didn't do the work and I took a restraining order out on him entering my street initially to protect me and my children when he was using drugs. I now know he isn't due to drug tests etc. I am now fully confident he is off them and know he wasn't last time and he now works full-time and has been promoted etc (He wasn't working before).

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/02/2019 16:06

He and you should not be together at all now given his previous assaults.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 10/02/2019 16:06

Ffs

That's all I really can say

The poor kids

jj1234565 · 10/02/2019 16:07

I have done what is asked, and would never choose him over my children. I have attended EVERY meeting, EVERY course.

OP posts:

MammaMia19 · 10/02/2019 16:07

There's threads all the time on this and its really sad. If you push this and there's more drugs/violence they will take the kids off you because you are showing you are incapable of putting the children's needs first.
I know how hard it is, but you need to leave this man! Theres so many decent men out there, you and your children deserve better than this

user1493413286 · 10/02/2019 16:07

You would need to prove that you can be in a relationship without violence for a significant period of time.
To be honest though as it got so serious it got to PLO you’re taking a massive risk; if there are any more incidents of domestic violence they may decide to go straight to court next time

booboo24 · 10/02/2019 16:07

Why are you playing with fire? Wake up and put your children before yourself and get rid of the loser

punishmepunisher · 10/02/2019 16:08

Anyone who allows a violent man back into their home needs to be monitored by SS.

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 10/02/2019 16:08

You don't deserve your kids, you're both a disgrace. I just hope to god I don't read about them in the paper one day.

Taffydog · 10/02/2019 16:08

As a foster carer I have looked after so many children who have been failed by their parents who don't put them first and don't want to understand the terrible trauma they inflict on their children by letting them grow up in an environment such as this. I am positive social workers will not want your boyfriend moving back in under any circumstances given his proven history of serious violence. They have to show that they give you opportunities to make changes to safeguard your children but honestly no I think you're risking keeping your children if you continue this relationship, whether or not he moves back in. No doubt he has stayed over at times without their permission. They will find out. Please think of your children.

forumdonkey · 10/02/2019 16:08

PLO and CP you're certainly downplaying and minimised what's happened.

userwithnumbers · 10/02/2019 16:08

Of course they'll let you be together. You can be with whoever you want to be. But you risk your children not being with you. Isn't that an easy choice, OP?

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WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 10/02/2019 16:09

Someone who has been deemed such a risk your kids were at risk of removal and you are still giving it the time of day. And the way you say you have been 'downgraded' to child protection ffs how low is the bar for your kids? Not really bothered about you and what you will settle for but think of your kids ffs

Ethel80 · 10/02/2019 16:09

How long has he been drug free?
This stuff take a long time and you need to see a long term and consistent change in him before you even consider letting him back into your house with your children. Has he done any work around domestic abuse?

OurChristmasMiracle · 10/02/2019 16:09

Doesn’t matter if you’ve attended every meeting and every course you are still letting a known violent man back into the family home.

Drugs is not an excuse for violence.

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