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I know I should be grateful that DH WANTS to take DS3 off me...................

(19 Posts)
fannyannie Sun 01-Jul-07 22:03:06

but he's driving me round the bend - perhaps I'm just tired but I don't seem to be able to do much right in DH's eyes at the moment. We've got a bit of a FF/BF "thing" going on atm - which I'm just about keeping my cool over but it's other stuff.

We have an 'agreement' that he does the ironing and I do his route planning for work. This morning I was up at 5.30 with DS3 and managed to get him down to sleep again in his carrycot at 6.30 - couldn't get back to sleep on the sofa so decided to do a little bit of route planning - and do some ironing for him - I knew that he'd be doing it today (always does it at the weekend) but I also knew that he hadn't got to bed until 3am as he was doing the "early night shift" with DS3 and as he (Ds3) woke up just as he (DH) was finishing watching a movie at about 1am and than faffed and fussed about for nearly 2hrs so I figured DH would be tired.

No - I shouldn't have done the ironing - as I hadn't finished the route planning. Told him that I wanted to do something that I could do sat down (and of course he said "route planning") explained that I had to clear the end of the table so the older DS's could have their breakfast but he wasn't having it.

THEN to add insult to injury he's driving me mad with DS3 when he's sleeping - DS3 ALWAYS falls asleep in our arms, whether he's had ebm, bf or FF - after a BF he's much harder to put down but pretty easy after a bottle of anything. Today I decided that it would be nice to just sit and hold him - didn't feel I had too much to do and was tired after being up early. DH then started insisting I put him I did and he woke up - cue DH whisking him up in his arms and taking over and telling me "there was plenty of tidying to do if I wanted something to do when DS3 is asleep rather than the ironing" (this was about 6hrs after our initial conversation about it).

Now, this is the thing, during teh day when DS3 falls asleep on DH he almost always (I'd say 95% of the time) sits there and lets him sleep in his arms - can be up to 3hrs.......when I want to sit and hold him he either whisks him out of my arms (and DS3 continues to sleep in his arms) or tells me to put him down in the carrycot so I can "get lunch" "have a drink" (non-alcoholic I must add ), "have a break" (most common one) - but I feel it's like he's expecting me to use everyspare minute I have when DS3 is sleeping to stay on top of the housework while he just uses the opportunitys (of DS3 sleeping) to sit down.

I should add that DH DOES do his fair share of the housework so it's not like he's expecting me to do everything - just to do it everytime DS3 is sleeping.

moondog Sun 01-Jul-07 22:04:22

Bless you FA.
I think you are fretting over trivialities tbh.

controlfreaky2 Sun 01-Jul-07 22:06:09

how old is ds3?
it's perfectly normal to feel murderous in those early weeks / months / years.......
relax. tell him how you feel.

ELR Sun 01-Jul-07 22:07:06

just tell dh that you are tired need a bit of you time and relax whilst ds3 sleeps(harder said than done though)

fannyannie Sun 01-Jul-07 22:07:26

he's 5 weeks old......

fannyannie Sun 01-Jul-07 22:09:26

that's the thing - I think he feels that by encouraging me to put DS3 down for every nap he has (or hand him over to DH) he's helping me get my much deserved "me time" (sometimes I'd rather just have 'me time' sat on the sofa with DS3 in my arms)........but then I also feel that he thinks I could be doing more with my time........

VeniVidiVickiQV Sun 01-Jul-07 22:10:50

He seems like he is trying to control things a bit. Perhaps he is feeling a bit like he's losing control in some respects and is trying to regain it in others?

Either way, put your foot down and do what you want/need to do.

mumto3girls Sun 01-Jul-07 22:11:29

tell him it is a break and a joy to sit and hold your baby in your arms...also just ask him outright why he can do it but you're not allowed?

PotatoOfDoom Sun 01-Jul-07 22:11:40

How did I miss your birth announcement? 5 weeks old?! Blimey

ChristyC Sun 01-Jul-07 22:13:10

I would say to stop thinking about what HE may be thinking and wanting, if you want to lay on the sofa with baby, then you CAN, you are his Mum, you gave birth, you breastfeed, your baby is utterly reliant on you and you should be RESTING WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!!Stop worrying about DH - he's an adult and he can think for himself for a while and let you enjoy.

ELR Sun 01-Jul-07 22:13:27

tbh i dont think men are the best judge of what we want to do with our time ,for some reason my dh assumes that every free moment i have i have the desire to do housework ect

fannyannie Sun 01-Jul-07 22:18:51

Thing is it's hard to put my foot down with this - this baby wasn't planned - infact DH wanted me to have an abortion initially and didn't really "accept" the idea of having no.3 until I was over 1/2 way through the pg - and then we (very) nearly split up in January this year....and while we were/are both at fault most of the 'fault' lay/lies with me. We're still together - but while things still aren't quite as they should be we're getting there (all be it very slowly) and I'm scared to rock the boat and send us back to where we were 6 months ago......

ChristyC - he's actually mix feeding - hence the reason I'm up here on the computer completely oblivious to my baby's needs downstairs .

VeniVidiVickiQV Sun 01-Jul-07 22:27:08

That was then - this is now.

He may not have been planned, but, he's here.

It all seems a bit, controlling, to me. Including this whole mixed feeding thing.

ELR Sun 01-Jul-07 22:27:23

maybe dh feels guilty about the fact he wanted to terminate and wants to hold ds when he is sleeping to prove to you and himself that he wants him

fannyannie Sun 01-Jul-07 22:27:34

oh and of course it doesn't help that DH is what one could call a "natural" father - it's all such a breeze to him (despite his reservations he had when we first about having children at all) - whereas I (who always wanted children) have to work harder at it...

ELR Sun 01-Jul-07 22:29:13

its bloody hard work being a mother so yes you need to work hard, its a breeze to the hubbies because its not 24/7 for them

fannyannie Sun 01-Jul-07 22:41:58

you know what I hadn't thought of the termination aspect of it - he' absolutely doted on DS3 since he was born loves him to bits - and perhaps he is feeling a bit guilty that he wanted me to terminate.........anyhow - I guess moondog is probably right it's perhaps not as bad as it feels atm...

It's true about the parenting thing - if I could get a job earning as much as DH does then he would be MUCH better suited to being a SAHD than I am to a being a SAHM (well I'm actually a parttime working mum but on Maternity leave) many of your men could be left at home with 2 young boys (we've not tried the 3 of them yet so I'm talking pre-DS3) and a messy house - you come home 2-3hrs later and find the boys happy and settled (and fed) and the house tidy??? .

fannyannie Mon 02-Jul-07 12:21:05

Actually - having had some sleep and another conversation with DH I think it really is him trying to give me a break rather than not wanting me to sit and hold him for hours on end.

DS3 woke up at 5am (as per usual) and I took him straight downstairs DH woke up enough to suggest I give him a bottle and then put him back down in his cot to sleep - latched him on and we both dozed off - DS3 slept for 2hrs (unusal for that time in the morning - he usually cluster feeds or has an 'awake' time from 5.30-7ish). When DH got up he asked why I hadn't put him down again and I told him I'd given him a breastfeed instead - his response was something along the lines of "Well if you'd have given him a bottle you could have put him down and had some more proper sleep instead of just dozing). Then he suggested we switch 'shifts' so that he does the early mornings and I do the late I could get some proper rest. And the way it was said was like he was just concerned that I wasn't tired rather than not wanting me to be forever holding DS3.

DS3 had breast quite a bit so far today - both sides when he woke up at 5am and again at about 8.15am, then I gave him a bottle just before 9 and he slept until just gone 11, more breast (both sides from then until now - and once he starts complaing again I'll give him a 'top-up' bottle. DH didn't bat an eyelid when he (DS3) woke up at just gone 11 and I put him straight to the breast.....think it's those hormones playing tricks on me.....especially as when he (DH) left for work just now he came over and gave me a kiss (might sound odd but we've still been living pretty much as 'friends that happen to share a bed' as opposed to "lovers", kisses have been very rare (and have been 'on the cheek' rather than on the lips, and hugs little and often).

Still - I'm feelng much happier today

controlfreaky2 Mon 02-Jul-07 13:10:48

good! hope things go well for you all fanny.

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