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Stay or go

(13 Posts)
Call111 Fri 18-Jan-19 18:50:50

I will try and keep this brief.
I’m looking for outside opinions of people who haven’t met me/my partner before

I’m 29, he is 35. I have no children, he has two under 10. We were together for 2.5 years, living together and engaged. Long story but I left as there was a lot of stress to do with his children’s mother. We stayed on friendly terms.
I dated someone else for 6 months, he turned out to be a user/cheat so it ended.
Me and ex reconciled.
He recently moved back in but things haven’t been the same. The issue with the children’s mum has resolved so that’s all fine but I don’t feel like being intimate with him anymore. He tries so hard and is so lovely, I feel awful.
We bicker quite a bit and I feel like it’s mainly my fault because he irritates me now sad he never used to.
He wants to make things work so badly and so do I as he is such a decent kind man. I look at him and cannot imagine life without him, he is like a best friend and my family adore him

This is so garbled, I’m just writing what comes to mind, it’s carthartic.

Ultimately I’m scared to leave a very loving and decent man at my age to probably never meet someone who loves me in the same way he does. He tells me he wants to make a life with me, marry me, build our dream home and this messes with my head as I want this so much and I could have it with him. Yet I feel like a small piece of the puzzle is missing here sad

DrFangsWillSeeYouNow Fri 18-Jan-19 18:54:32

at your age? you are only 29! you both deserve better. Let him go and this time don't go back. exes are exes for a reason. Maybe also find a man with no children!

beansontoastfortea Fri 18-Jan-19 19:00:10

You have years and years ahead of you... if he's irritating you already he's not the one. Even if you never find anyone else, do you really want to be stuck with a guy whose irritating you? And not to mention, it's hardly fair on him... he may be upset at the break up but remind yourself you're actually doing him a favour, good luck

DarkStorm Fri 18-Jan-19 19:02:16

Don’t stay with someone you don’t love out of fear.

He just isn’t the right person for you. You have the rest of your life ahead of you to find the right person.

NotTheFordType Fri 18-Jan-19 20:05:34

If he is a decent, kind man then he deserves someone who can love him for who he is, don't you think? And you deserve to be loved the same way, by someone who you click with on all (or the vast majority of) levels.

I think I would very gently let him down, say "I'm really sorry but this just isn't working for me and you deserve someone you can be truly happy with." If you have a spare room or sofa bed, move into it for now and let him know he needs to leave by X date. If he's been having contact with his DCs at your home, tell him that needs to stop immediately. That will give him extra incentive to find somewhere else.

CoastalLife Fri 18-Jan-19 20:09:03

It's very scary to start again, especially when you're in a relationship that isn't bad with someone who is very lovely but just not for you. But you deserve to feel madly in love and to he crazy about someone, and your partner deserves someone who feels that way about him. The kind thing to do, for both your sakes, would be to end it as soon as possible and give both of you the chance to find real love.

Call111 Fri 18-Jan-19 21:11:32

Thank you everyone.. really appreciate your comments. I’ve taken each one on board, it’s so difficult. It sounds ridiculous written down but when it’s your life it seems such a huge decision

beansontoastfortea Fri 18-Jan-19 21:21:00

It is a huge decision because the fear of the unknown and all that if you decide to leave. But once you've made the cut you'll see that it won't be half as bad as you thought. You have to do what you feel is right for you though... could the irritating things he's doing be sorted out through talking to each other?

Ozziewozzie Fri 18-Jan-19 21:33:34

I’ve sent you a pm smile

Call111 Fri 18-Jan-19 22:22:54

beans I don’t think so sad I can’t seem to turn that switch now.. feels like it’s gone too far but so scared to let it go. I feel like I’d be making a huge mistake.
My family keep saying I’d be a fool to let a good man go

beansontoastfortea Fri 18-Jan-19 22:48:19

Hey you know what there are plenty of good men out there and you can't love them all! If you are not passionate about him and if he irritates you then you wouldn't be a fool to let him go...

You seem like a lovely woman and you'll find another good man!

I don't know but when you say your family said you'd be a fool to let a good man go it kinda sounds like they're conditioning you to think you ' got lucky' / 'couldn't do better' / 'don't deserve better'... I'm not saying that IS what they're saying but if you don't have a lot of confidence anyway comments like that can be taken onto you sense of self... they should be saying to you to follow your heart, yes he's a good man but hey, he might not be the one for you and that's ok

Call111 Sat 19-Jan-19 08:11:20

Thank you beans you’re completely right x

SkySmiler Sat 19-Jan-19 15:03:55

Go, undoubtedly, you've changed, your feelings have changed, the relationship has run it's course.

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