Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

[Notcoolmum]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
   
2. Develop a thick skin.
   
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
   
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
   
5. Trust your gut instinct.
   
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
   
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
   
8. If it's not fun, stop.
   
9. Loo update is mandatory.
   

10. No dating the thread.
11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

[Apparentlyacatch]

notcool no I know where your coming from, I would never do that if I had children, and I did have safety measures in place.

Good luck for your 3rd date! It's exciting knowing somethings gonna happen!

[SortingItOut]

lovemusic I've just turned 38 and have a son of 22 (and a daughter of 16) but I know I'm quite unusual!!

Either Mr Vegan is lying about his age or his lifestyle is very tough on him!!!

I actually think you need to meet him so you can feedback to us!!!

[Notcoolmum]

Ah good. Sorry to be so Mumsy apparently but I am one!! 😂

I’m looking forward to tonight. We have a hotel booked 😱😂😱😂

[Lovemusic33]

sorting yes it is possible but judging by his photo I think he maybe closer to 48 but I maybe wrong, he only has one photo of himself on his profile and it’s not a great one. Usually when I chat to men in their 30’s they have young children so just seems a bit odd that he’s 38 with a 20 and a 23 year old (I think that was the ages). Hopefully I am meeting him next week, he wants to go for a walk and buy me lunch.

I keep getting messages from younger guys, I find it a bit scary as I wonder what a 25 year old would want with a almost 37 year old, but a part of me wants to try it. One of my old irons (FWB) is 27, he keeps messaging me wanting to meet again for fun but the sex was a bit disapointing (he obviously watches too much porn), he’s a lovely guy though and I find him really atractive. At the moment I don’t need the itch scratching so I am trying to stay away from FWB things.

[Apparentlyacatch]

Aw don't be sorry notcool it's lovely you care!!

Today is going to be torture I can feel it, waiting for him to msg! Doesn't help I have zero plans today - I msged a breezy good luck for your rugby match today which now I'm over analysing thinking what if he thinks that's too forward for after one date! Plus he's been on WA but not read it 😩

[MyOldBrainStoppedWorking]

Apparently I'm glad it worked out ok. But I'd be wary of someone who had no energy to manage a drink in a pub but could happily get to your house and sit on your sofa.
I'm with Notcoolmum he knows too much about you and you probably know very little about him in comparison. For me it's too much for a first date.

Love you should meet Mr Vegan to find out more about him.
I was tempted to reply with “I would ruin you” I may pinch this line. I seem to very attractive to men in their early 30s. I suspect they try it on with all women, but it does make you feel good

[DanielCraigsUnderpants]

Apparently you sound lovely. This guys behaviour. Does not. He is not reading your messages despite being on line. This is right at the beginning. He should be sweeping you off your feet and making an effort. Sorry to be blunt but he sounds like a douche.

[wishywashy6]

@Lovemusic33 I'm almost 37 and my boyfriend is 26... he was 25 when we started dating! We're pretty much on the same wavelength with things, I've never been put off by an age gap 🤷🏼‍♀️

[wishywashy6]

And @Apparentlyacatch I'm kind of on the fence with this one but I'm going to assume you're a sane human with enough about you to make your own decisions! The being online but not reading thing I wouldn't bother about. My BF uses his WA for work so has been like that from day 1 and vice versa. He replies when he's got time to compose a proper message, that's fine with me. I do exactly the same.
The being too knackered to arrange a proper first date does seem a bit lazy and I suppose doesn't bode well for future dates BUT if you enjoyed it and think there's potential then that's all that really matters

[MyOldBrainStoppedWorking]

Apparently sorry to keep going on about it but I've just remembered a similar date I had about a year ago.
He claimed he was too tired after work and suggested I go to his place to chill out and watch TV.
I said no but he gave me his full name, address, place of work, social media etc. And assured me it was all ok and he definitely wasn't just asking me round for sex.

I went, we had a great evening. Got on really well. Watched TV for a few hours. A little kiss good night was the only physical contact we had.
He messaged me to check I'd got home and asked to see me again.
Next day I woke up and found he'd blocked me. Never heard from him again.

I suspect it was just a power trip for him. That he could manipulate me into doing what he wanted. Made me wonder how many women he had done this with before.

I hope your bloke isn't like this and he asks you on a proper second date.

[Apparentlyacatch]

I agree with you all - he says all the right things in messages but his actions aren't really showing it!

Right I'm gonna dust myself off and get on with my day! Going to try and leave my phone away from me so I'm not tempted!!

If this doesn't go anything Atleast it's taught me to have better standards and not compromise on what I want just to please them!

Thanks everyone your all amazing xx

[WotcherHarry]

@Apparentlyacatch good reflection!
It’s hard sometimes when there is a disconnect between words and actions. I think that the dating period is a time for both people to prove that they are both enthusiastic about finding the kind of relationship that they say that they want... that they are kind, reliable, trustworthy, have a sense of humour that meshes with the other etc. Words do not always carry the same weight for all people and I have learnt to appreciate that. It’s good to go into situations with a base level of trust that people are who they say they are, but important that both parties aware that safety needs to be paramount as you’re still essentially strangers until you’ve spent a decent amount of physical time together...

[Eesha]

placemarking!

[Eesha]

@Apparentlyacatch I think that initial stages are when each should show their best side and make an effort, don't you want to be wined and dined and have tons of attention? You certainly deserve that

[Apparentlyacatch]

Totally agree wotcher! I'm off the apps at the moment but it would be nice for someone to just have a look at my profile, so I can get feedback for when I unhide them again!

Any takers?

[Apparentlyacatch]

eesha no I do want that and he has said he is like that, but then last night didn't show that!

[MyOldBrainStoppedWorking]

Apparently I'm happy to look at your profile. Would you look at mine in return? I seem to be only attractive to couch potatoes or men 20 years younger than me

[Apparentlyacatch]

shit start talking to him!

oldbrain yes of course! How do we do it?!

[Lovemusic33]

Oh well, I think I have fucked it up with Mr Vegan. He asked me how many people I was talking to on POF so I was honest and explained that I talk to people until I’ve been on a few dates with someone and feel things are working out, I then either hide or remove my profile (totally honest), I don’t think it went down too well, he’s only been on POF for a few days and I think he assumed if you are chatting to someone then you shouldn’t be chatting to others.

I’m not talking to a man I shall call Mr longhair, his sense of humour kind of let’s him down, all was going well until he started making horse jokes 😐

[DaffoDeffo]

Hello all, just marking my place. Not back on the dating apps yet :)

[Dan89]

"I find it a bit scary as I wonder what a 25 year old would want with a almost 37 year old"

I guess you want an answer other than 'to get you into bed?

[Flower32]

Hi
Just thought I'd give a quick update on my recent dates. So since I last posted I've been on two more dates with Mr Runner. The second date was fine and at the end we had a quick peck on the lips kiss. I was looking forward to the third date. The third date yesterday was nice until the very end when we had a snog but I really didn't enjoy it at all! Before last night I don't think I'd ever had a bad snog. His beard was like sandpaper on my lips and he had his hand on the back of my head so I couldn't really get out of it. It seemed to go on for ages. I spoke to my friend about it and they said maybe he was just being passionate. It was so uncomfortable for me though and has put me off him which is disappointing as otherwise things seemed to be going well. Now I'm not sure what to do.

Earlier this week I also went on a second date with Mr Money. We managed to arrange something closer to home for me. The date was nice, he seems lovely. I'm not sure there's a romantic connection though, there's been no kissing yet. Although I think I could grow to like him. He suggested going on a third date this week.

I have a first date arranged with Mr Trainer on Saturday next week. He seems lovely and really fit too but he works sometimes 6-7 days a week so don't know if he'll be able to find the time for me in a relationship.

shitwithsugaron, you should strike up a conversation with the hot guy