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Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

(1000 Posts)
Notcoolmum Sat 12-Jan-19 09:17:34

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Notcoolmum Sat 12-Jan-19 09:18:53

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Apparentlyacatch Sat 12-Jan-19 09:20:01

notcool no I know where your coming from, I would never do that if I had children, and I did have safety measures in place.

Good luck for your 3rd date! It's exciting knowing somethings gonna happen!

SortingItOut Sat 12-Jan-19 09:24:27

lovemusic I've just turned 38 and have a son of 22 (and a daughter of 16) but I know I'm quite unusual!!

Either Mr Vegan is lying about his age or his lifestyle is very tough on him!!!

I actually think you need to meet him so you can feedback to us!!!

Notcoolmum Sat 12-Jan-19 09:32:17

Ah good. Sorry to be so Mumsy apparently but I am one!! 😂

I’m looking forward to tonight. We have a hotel booked 😱😂😱😂

shitwithsugaron Sat 12-Jan-19 09:37:23

Thanks for doing the new thread notcool.

Funnily enough me and my DM had a strange conversation the other day where she basically said she wants me to put a Will in place ASAP after my divorce as shes worried about me 'meeting all these strange men'hmm I always tell her/my DSister who they are, where we're going and I text to say I'm back (sometimes I tell a white lie if I'm stopping over!) but they do worry about me. It's lovely to know they care but also a bit smothering sometimes. But at the same time, everyone has read some kind of horror story so I suppose I'd rather they were that way than uncaring!

Lovemusic33 Sat 12-Jan-19 09:49:20

sorting yes it is possible but judging by his photo I think he maybe closer to 48 but I maybe wrong, he only has one photo of himself on his profile and it’s not a great one. Usually when I chat to men in their 30’s they have young children so just seems a bit odd that he’s 38 with a 20 and a 23 year old (I think that was the ages). Hopefully I am meeting him next week, he wants to go for a walk and buy me lunch.

I keep getting messages from younger guys, I find it a bit scary as I wonder what a 25 year old would want with a almost 37 year old, but a part of me wants to try it. One of my old irons (FWB) is 27, he keeps messaging me wanting to meet again for fun but the sex was a bit disapointing (he obviously watches too much porn), he’s a lovely guy though and I find him really atractive. At the moment I don’t need the itch scratching so I am trying to stay away from FWB things.

Apparentlyacatch Sat 12-Jan-19 09:51:42

Aw don't be sorry notcool it's lovely you care!!

Today is going to be torture I can feel it, waiting for him to msg! Doesn't help I have zero plans today - I msged a breezy good luck for your rugby match today which now I'm over analysing thinking what if he thinks that's too forward for after one date! Plus he's been on WA but not read it 😩

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking Sat 12-Jan-19 09:53:20

Apparently I'm glad it worked out ok. But I'd be wary of someone who had no energy to manage a drink in a pub but could happily get to your house and sit on your sofa.
I'm with Notcoolmum he knows too much about you and you probably know very little about him in comparison. For me it's too much for a first date.

Love you should meet Mr Vegan to find out more about him.
I was tempted to reply with “I would ruin you” I may pinch this line. I seem to very attractive to men in their early 30s. I suspect they try it on with all women, but it does make you feel good smile

DanielCraigsUnderpants Sat 12-Jan-19 10:16:06

Apparently you sound lovely. This guys behaviour. Does not. He is not reading your messages despite being on line. This is right at the beginning. He should be sweeping you off your feet and making an effort. Sorry to be blunt but he sounds like a douche.

wishywashy6 Sat 12-Jan-19 10:19:17

@Lovemusic33 I'm almost 37 and my boyfriend is 26... he was 25 when we started dating! We're pretty much on the same wavelength with things, I've never been put off by an age gap 🤷🏼‍♀️

wishywashy6 Sat 12-Jan-19 10:33:19

And @Apparentlyacatch I'm kind of on the fence with this one but I'm going to assume you're a sane human with enough about you to make your own decisions! The being online but not reading thing I wouldn't bother about. My BF uses his WA for work so has been like that from day 1 and vice versa. He replies when he's got time to compose a proper message, that's fine with me. I do exactly the same.
The being too knackered to arrange a proper first date does seem a bit lazy and I suppose doesn't bode well for future dates BUT if you enjoyed it and think there's potential then that's all that really matters

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking Sat 12-Jan-19 10:35:42

Apparently sorry to keep going on about it but I've just remembered a similar date I had about a year ago.
He claimed he was too tired after work and suggested I go to his place to chill out and watch TV.
I said no but he gave me his full name, address, place of work, social media etc. And assured me it was all ok and he definitely wasn't just asking me round for sex.

I went, we had a great evening. Got on really well. Watched TV for a few hours. A little kiss good night was the only physical contact we had.
He messaged me to check I'd got home and asked to see me again.
Next day I woke up and found he'd blocked me. Never heard from him again.

I suspect it was just a power trip for him. That he could manipulate me into doing what he wanted. Made me wonder how many women he had done this with before.

I hope your bloke isn't like this and he asks you on a proper second date.

Apparentlyacatch Sat 12-Jan-19 10:45:08

I agree with you all - he says all the right things in messages but his actions aren't really showing it!

Right I'm gonna dust myself off and get on with my day! Going to try and leave my phone away from me so I'm not tempted!!

If this doesn't go anything Atleast it's taught me to have better standards and not compromise on what I want just to please them!

Thanks everyone your all amazing xx

WotcherHarry Sat 12-Jan-19 10:53:25

@Apparentlyacatch good reflection!
It’s hard sometimes when there is a disconnect between words and actions. I think that the dating period is a time for both people to prove that they are both enthusiastic about finding the kind of relationship that they say that they want... that they are kind, reliable, trustworthy, have a sense of humour that meshes with the other etc. Words do not always carry the same weight for all people and I have learnt to appreciate that. It’s good to go into situations with a base level of trust that people are who they say they are, but important that both parties aware that safety needs to be paramount as you’re still essentially strangers until you’ve spent a decent amount of physical time together...

Eesha Sat 12-Jan-19 11:00:14


Eesha Sat 12-Jan-19 11:02:50

@Apparentlyacatch I think that initial stages are when each should show their best side and make an effort, don't you want to be wined and dined and have tons of attention? You certainly deserve that

Apparentlyacatch Sat 12-Jan-19 11:03:45

Totally agree wotcher! I'm off the apps at the moment but it would be nice for someone to just have a look at my profile, so I can get feedback for when I unhide them again!

Any takers?

Apparentlyacatch Sat 12-Jan-19 11:04:25

eesha no I do want that and he has said he is like that, but then last night didn't show that!

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking Sat 12-Jan-19 11:30:31

Apparently I'm happy to look at your profile. Would you look at mine in return? I seem to be only attractive to couch potatoes or men 20 years younger than me

shitwithsugaron Sat 12-Jan-19 11:42:56

On the train for an activity with DD, there is a HOT man sat opposite me. If only... grin

Apparentlyacatch Sat 12-Jan-19 12:27:29

shit start talking to him!

oldbrain yes of course! How do we do it?!

Lovemusic33 Sat 12-Jan-19 12:34:44

Oh well, I think I have fucked it up with Mr Vegan. He asked me how many people I was talking to on POF so I was honest and explained that I talk to people until I’ve been on a few dates with someone and feel things are working out, I then either hide or remove my profile (totally honest), I don’t think it went down too well, he’s only been on POF for a few days and I think he assumed if you are chatting to someone then you shouldn’t be chatting to others.

I’m not talking to a man I shall call Mr longhair, his sense of humour kind of let’s him down, all was going well until he started making horse jokes 😐

DaffoDeffo Sat 12-Jan-19 12:42:41

Hello all, just marking my place. Not back on the dating apps yet smile

Dan89 Sat 12-Jan-19 12:49:49

"I find it a bit scary as I wonder what a 25 year old would want with a almost 37 year old"

I guess you want an answer other than 'to get you into bed?

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