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Have I got into a controlling relationship?

(20 Posts)
TatlN Sat 12-Jan-19 00:50:44

I have been with my boyfriend 4 months and it’s my first relationship since leaving my children’s father due to the abusive from him and his mental state. The guy I am with has been nothing but over the top nice to me so much so I now feel very smothered with constant attention and affection. He texts me all the time asking what I’m doing and to tell me he misses/loves me. He has been telling me he wants to marry me from only a few weeks in and recently has been going on and on about us living together in the near future even though I have told him I’m not willing to rush into anything for the sake of my children. A red flag has come about a few days ago when I told him I am going to take my children abroad for couple weeks with my parents. His texts was quite aggressive saying how he told me he would take me and kids away but obviously that’s not good enough for you and saying just do what you want you have already decided. I feel already I can’t make a decision like this incase I upset him. When I spoke to him about how he has behaved towards me he doesn’t seem to see what he done wrong and took ages for him to even acknowledge it. He is also over the top with my children telling me their his babies and he loves them and wants us to be a family. i feel this is all too much too soon and starting to worry incase he is actually a controlling person

SandyY2K Sat 12-Jan-19 00:57:44

Yes... he's controlling. Lots of red flags and well done for recognising them.

The early declarations of love.

Wanting to marry you.

Calling your kids his babies.

The wanting to move in so soon.

Then the holiday!@

Time to end it.

Blessingsdragon1 Sat 12-Jan-19 00:57:57

Yes you have and why the fuck is he involved with your children to this extent after only 4 months?

Mrsmummy90 Sat 12-Jan-19 01:00:05

A million red flags there. They are not his children and he barely knows them so no, they are not his babies and no he does not love them.

It is definitely not right full stop. Whether this was happening after a few weeks or a few years, this behaviour is definitely not ok.

I'm sorry to say this but I'd be protecting my children from him. If he is acting like this after only 4 months, his behaviour is most definitely going to get worse.
Please be single for a while and go to counselling to rediscover yourself and learn about what you feel is healthy in a relationship.

SoleBizzz Sat 12-Jan-19 01:13:58

Oh dear. Dump him he sounds dangerous. You aren't ready for relationship as you are getting your children involved and at risk aswell as yourself.

finn1020 Sat 12-Jan-19 01:14:15

He’s weird, creepy, controlling, and very very very inappropriate. You’re only 4 months in, cut your losses now. That type of behaviour and lack of appropriate boundaries is ingrained and he won’t change.

FineWordsForAPorcupine Sat 12-Jan-19 01:26:06

Good news: your instincts are bang on, you are listening to them and you can trust yourself to see warning signs. When you get those uneasy feelings, you aren't brushing them aside and hoping everything will just work out - instead you are naming them to yourself, and reaching out for opinions. Full marks and good work!

Bad news : your boyfriend is controlling and a little bit scary. It's time to end things.

When you do so, your primary concern should be to keep yourself safe. If you feel at all nervous about how he'll react, take precautions - do it over the phone, block him on social media, tell your friends and ask for support. Don't give explanations - stick to "this isn't working, this relationship is over". Don't negotiate, don't justify, don't agree to try again if he promises to change.

You are doing brilliantly and WELL DONE for spotting it so soon. You are brave and smart and you can do this.

Mrsmummy90 Sat 12-Jan-19 01:35:25

@FineWordsForAPorcupine literally couldn't have said it better!

Zofloramummy Sat 12-Jan-19 01:37:31

Absolutely he is scaring me and I don’t know him!

This relationship needs to end, but you know that in your gut already. You’re only posting for confirmation that you aren’t being insane. That’s because you like to please people and not rock the boat?

I advise a good period of singledom and the freedom programme. This bloke definitely needs leaving in the past. He’ll mess your head and the kids heads up and you have already escaped one kind of hell, don’t be too quick to commit to another.

misskiki69 Sat 12-Jan-19 23:09:30

He is dangerous. Controlling and abusive. You need to end this now. If he's like this already, after a few months, god only knows his bad he will be further down the line. It worries me that you've allowed him into your children's lives already. I hope you're going to take onboard the advice from this thread.

category12 Sat 12-Jan-19 23:11:24


Yellowbrickhouse Sat 12-Jan-19 23:17:49

Love bombing, acting over the top charming and over eager to commit early on. Massive red flags.

That, the aggressiveness and controlling behaviour, along with gaslighting you when you approached him about his behaviour.

It's really not worth it. Get out while you can.

Bumblebee39 Sat 12-Jan-19 23:19:25

Look up "love bombing"

Bumblebee39 Sat 12-Jan-19 23:20:05

Sorry @Yellowbrickhouse cross post

MumsyJ Sat 12-Jan-19 23:28:08


flowersonthemoon Sun 13-Jan-19 01:27:28

Run as fast as you can.

showmeshoyu Sun 13-Jan-19 01:51:47

I think it's very kind of him to show himself for the utter controlling prick he is so soon into the relationship. Some men wait years to show their true colours. You should thank him through the medium of interpretive dance/blocking him from all channels of communication.

NineInchSnail Sun 13-Jan-19 01:56:06

Yes, you are. Luckily you are bright enough to recognise it and strong enough to get out.

Good luck.

NameChange457 Sun 13-Jan-19 01:59:40


MsPavlichenko Sun 13-Jan-19 02:13:39

Yes. Google this. Do it , even if only online. It is a lifesaver.

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