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we have agreed to go to relate but just feel so depressed now

(6 Posts)
sanae Thu 28-Jun-07 23:37:58

this will be the second time we have been. Married nearly 11 years, I am breadwinner though only work 3 days a week. DH has always done bits and bobs of work and contributed small amounts financially, but since move 10 months ago has done nothing. I have been quite happy for him not to work but do expect him to pull his weight with the housework in return. Childcare and chores are probably 50:50. I just feel so resentful that he will not routinely do his bit or only when he feels like it. Says he wants to go to work but will not do anything about it. Now arguing lots, both feeling depressed and despairing. I feel a lot of our marriage has been plagued by these issues, and TBH if we did not have 3 lovely kids we would probably have split up by now. I would have trouble at the moment saying that I loved him, but underneath it all I am sure there must be the same guy I fell in love with - good fun, good company, thoughtful and caring. Have only seen glimpses of him over the last few years. Had another almighty row tonight and though we have agreed to go to relate I feel a failure that this will be our second time and should have been able to sort it out by now.

NotQuiteCockney Fri 29-Jun-07 06:44:18

I don't think it's sensible to feel this is a failure - surely a failure would be giving up and walking away without trying your best?

It sounds hard that he doesn't pull his weight. Does he know you feel that way?

sanae Fri 29-Jun-07 06:53:34

yes. Tells me he is feeling depressed but I think more unhappy really and a bit lazy. Don't know whether to suggest he sees GP but i don't think he will do this. And it's been going on so long. He won't do anything to change how he feels about himself. I think he wants me to prop him up, increase his self esteem etc . and says I don't give him enough attention or do anything especially for him.

sniff Fri 29-Jun-07 06:54:58

I dont think your failing I think you are trying

maybe you need to go away with DH on your own away from the chores to find the man inside again and for him to find you

sniff Fri 29-Jun-07 06:56:52

ah I say that to DH once maybe its because he is the one at home and bored
he sounds in a rut TBH that he needs to lift himself out from

sanae Fri 29-Jun-07 19:06:43

I think you are right sniff. Would love to find the man inside! I've just come back from work, but kids are around so don't know how things are between us yet.

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