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My family and MY family

(12 Posts)
Izzy12345 Sun 06-Jan-19 21:06:29

Hi everyone. I'm a new mum to a 6 month old and I'll be honest I have been diagnosed with PND. I've had a lot of support from my husband and I'm just taking each day as it comes. I'm still EBF which I don't know if that has made me more depressed I'm not sure. Anyway I have my own little family now and I am so happy with my husband and my son. I have always been close to my own family too; my mum and my siblings. Since my baby has been born I go to my mums often to spend time with everyone however as he has gotten older and my depressions gotten worse I just don't feel like going over as often. I feel like being alone most of the time and I've never felt this way with regards to my mum. In the past I've alienated myself but this time it's different. I don't want to meet up with friends or go to baby groups as I tried doing this to see if it would help with my PND but it just made it worse. Listening to all the mums saying their baby sleep through the night, never cries etc it actually made me feel a lot worse so I stopped going to all the groups. I then avoided even seeing my own friends, especially those with a baby too again because it was frustrating when they'd tell me how easy their baby was etc. I know I should be happy for them but when your a new mum who's tired and feels incompetent it's actually soul crushing meeting up with ppl who tell you how easy their baby is. Anyway back to my family, I have now even stopped wanting to see them. I am riddled with guilt because they make such an effort with me and love my son so much!!
My husband isn't the biggest fan of my family which I have just accepted because I know they aren't easy to get along with so it works both ways. But I don't want to be leaving my own family behind, they've helped me a lot, my mum looked after me incredibly during my pregnancy and when I had just had baby she helped me so much and I know all she wants to do is help me and help me overcome my PND. I just want to ask if anyone feels this way? And how do you pluck up the courage to go out and spend time with your family?

MMmomDD Sun 06-Jan-19 21:26:42

OP - it sounds like your PND isn’t getting any better on its own.
I think you need to talk to your GP.
Is there a reason you aren’t taking medication?

Izzy12345 Sun 06-Jan-19 21:49:15

I've been to the GP they referred me for CBT but I've been waiting months for it. I've been given sertraline but thought I'd see how the CBT goes before I try it. But now I'm considering taking it because even though I do have good days too when I have a bad day which is more often I feel completely debilitated.

MMmomDD Sun 06-Jan-19 22:49:10

Untreated PND can turn into something worse. But I don’t want to scare you.

Talk to your GP before taking certaline. You need help deciding on the dose. And GP will bed to see you at some intervals, to make sure the dose it appropriate.

It will mean that you’ll need to stop BF. But at 6mo your baby already got a lot of benefits of it. And solid foods are about to kick in.

And finally. There is no shame in taking the medications. It’s not a weakness on your side. It just something that happened to you, irs an illness.
(I had a bad PND, it’s not just pep talk. Meds saved me)

Izzy24 Mon 07-Jan-19 00:23:18

You do not need to stop BF if you decide to try sertraline OP.

Gogreen Mon 07-Jan-19 00:38:34

I feel like that all the time. I think I’m more unsociable than depressed though. Gotten worse with age but I’ve never had a brilliant relationship with my parents and siblings anyway.

Yours sound great though, visit the gp and give yourself some time but do tackle it, otherwise it will get worse before you know it

Hidingtonothing Mon 07-Jan-19 00:41:48

I think a lot of people have a bit of a mental block when it comes to taking antidepressants, most of us wouldn't think twice about taking medication to correct any other kind of imbalance in our bodies but depression is somehow different confused I've been guilty of it myself in the past so I do get it but it still baffles me how we think we can somehow correct a physiological imbalance by sheer force of will!

OP please go back to the GP, tell them what's happening and talk over any worries you have about starting the sertraline so you feel ok about giving it a go. To be blunt, what you're doing isn't working so it's time to try a different approach flowers

ecuse Mon 07-Jan-19 00:42:56

As a non-expert, can I just gently suggest that if you're feeling like withdrawing from your family who you love and used to like spending time with, that's likely the depression talking, and I would start taking the meds.

Izzy12345 Wed 09-Jan-19 20:41:46

Hi everyone thank you so much for all your replies they are so helpful and really mean a lot to me. I have decided to start sertraline. And I have been advised I do not need to stop BF which is a relief. I'm going to persevere with the meds and also do the CBT when they finally get back to me because I can't live like this anymore it's not fair to me, my baby or my family.

babba2014 Wed 09-Jan-19 20:53:20

Hi,
I'm going to say the first year of having a baby is tough. I didn't have my family near me so it was really hard and I struggled for ages but it gets much better once the baby starts walking. Breastfeeding is hard too but it does become second nature after especially with the next children.

I wish I was able to take the help of my family but they were too far away. I would say to you that it's good you've acknowledged the PND. With the first child it is such a huge change and life seems like it will never get easier again but coming from someone who has been in a similar position with PND, I promise it goes get better and it will get better.

Is there something your family are doing that makes you feel worse?

If not then just take a day at a time. When you feel like going, go. When you don't, don't go.

I used to hear of people who had easy babies etc but later on they became nightmare sleepers. Some people also don't tell the full story and when you pick up bits and bobs from different conversations you realise it's not as easy for them as they're making it out to be. However perhaps there are some who have easy babies but don't let it get you down as we all have our own journeys. To be honest I also didn't go to groups etc and I thought I had a support network online but they really went behind my back. Wish I never washed my time with them.

Honestly just take a day at a time. Give baby to your OH for a breather whenever you can. I used to absolutely fawn over my siblings kids before my own and when I had my first I couldn't barely interact with them as I was so overwhelmed (PND) and forgot who I was. That was just a phase and it didn't happen with my second child at all. It is such a different world when you become a first time mother.

It's okay to take things slow with everyone and if you need help for anything please do ask for it but also remember the help your family gave you and appreciate it at your pace too. There's nothing like having family nearby who are there for you during pregnancy and after birth. I didn't have this due to distance and I often see how much people don't realise how much of a difference it makes to life with a baby.

It may just be you wanting to stay at home for a while and there's nothing wrong with that either. That's your safe place. Perhaps your family can spend more time at your home rather than you at theirs.

Izzy12345 Wed 09-Jan-19 23:14:10

@babba2014 Yeah I feel better acknowledging my PND and finally just taking the meds, it's taken 6 months.. I've had a lot of hair loss I think due to the stress and anxiety. I get overly worried about everything to do with my baby and it's making me very unwell. For example a few weeks ago he suddenly got a rash on his face and I got so worried I almost fainted and it happened again the other day and again I almost fainted. That's when I realised I can't live like this anymore.
My mum supports me a great deal, especially with my anxiety and she really tries to make me calm down about things so for that reason I love going to my mums but I also get very annoyed and anxious at my mums due to my siblings who sometimes (although they mean well) they can be abit loud and boystrous and it makes my baby cry. So I'm always excited to go to my mums but then get very worked up if any of my siblings be too loud and scare my baby.
About them coming to my house, I'd love it if they could but I live with my in laws and although they wouldn't mind it's just not the same when they come over because it just doesn't feel like my house. I think my living situation has also added to my depression.

ecuse Sat 12-Jan-19 09:02:28

Well done, and good luck smile

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