Discovered husband has another wife and 2 sons

[Girlintherobe]

Hi everyone
I’ve been a lurker on mumsnet for a while.
I’ve learned so much about life from you all.
I feel terribly lost.
I’ve discovered my husband has another wife and two sons that live half an hour away from us.he used to work away during the week and told me that he was earning extra money so we can go on holiday every year.Now he tells me that he’s with her out of guilt and he really loves me.im a SAHM.
He’s in charge of all the finances.

[Girlintherobe]

I feel so stupid for believing everything he told me.

[Racecardriver]

Wow. So sorry OP. I don’t know what to say except that you aren’t stupid. This isn’t really something you could have foreseen.

[HirplesWithHaggis]

Wow. That's a blow, and then some. Are you sure you're legally married? What's your housing situation?

[Girlintherobe]

We both jointly own the house.
All the bills are jointly in me and my husbands name.
OW has her maiden name.
I won’t get sympathy for saying I’m a Muslim.
I’ve grown up believing in a couple loving each other and can’t accept another woman.
Sounds disgusting.

[VietnameseCrispyFish]

You can’t both be legally married to him. Which marriage came first?

You must be in shock, what’s your gut telling you atm? To stay with this man or leave?

[Girlintherobe]

He told me that she’s more accepting of his sexual needs.
Agrees to everything he wants.

[ApolloandDaphne]

Well one of you legally is not his wife. Who did he marry first?

[VietnameseCrispyFish]

Well, you can’t accept another woman and you’ve been sharing with one without your consent for years so you really do have to end it surely?

Do you have any family support or friends?

This guy has put your sexual health at risk by having unprotected sex with another woman then coming home and doing it with you, for that alone you should be furious and done!

[Yellowpanther]

I'm sorry love... He is a bastard hope everything goes well with you xxxxx

[Girlintherobe]

He’s been with her for years which I’ve only just discovered and I’ve noticed a change in his behaviour since last year.
He’s so much more loving towards me which is why I’m even more shocked.

[NotANotMan]

Did you have a civil service or just a nikah?
You don't have to put up with this. You can leave him and claim child support.

[NothingOnTellyAgain]

Wow I'm so sorry.

Are you legally married. Is first important thing.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I was going to ask whether you are married to this man in English civil law. What sort of ceremony did you have with this man initially?

You can certainly claim child support and I would not want any woman to put up with this either.

[MaisyPops]

So sorry you're in this situation.
I would imagine only one of you is a legal spouse and the other is just a religious marriage so technically not illegal.

The question is which situation are you in as that will affect your routes from here.

[WhatsUpHun]

Iwon’t get sympathy for saying I’m a Muslim. what difference does that make to anything?

[UAEMum]

Im also a Muslim. Are you legally married under UK law? Has he married her under a religious ceremony? If you are legally married then you have all the rights as far as houses, money etc. go

[Girlintherobe]

Im his first wife.ive got 4 children with him.
The children are shocked they have brothers that they didn’t know of.

[Girlintherobe]

She knew all about me but said she loves him very much and is willing to share.

[Girlintherobe]

I’ve never met her

[Girlintherobe]

She’s a nurse and works for the nhs

[MaisyPops]

whatsup
There has been a trend with some Muslim men having multiple wives or only having religious ceremonies knowing fine wrll that leaves their wife (often staying at home with children at this point) without the protection of British divorce law. It means it makes women very financially vulnerable as to get divorced means they are legally entitled to nothing from the marriage (It's just who owns what).

Some elements of society are not sympathetic to women who end up in this situation.

[Girlintherobe]

I’m not legally married.

[Flamingchips]

Is it a legal marriage you both have with him or does one/both have a religious one? Sorry, I don’t know the correct word.

[RandomMess]

[Flamingchips]

Cross post sorry. Is she?