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Discovered husband has another wife and 2 sons

(190 Posts)
Girlintherobe Sat 05-Jan-19 15:26:10

Hi everyone
I’ve been a lurker on mumsnet for a while.
I’ve learned so much about life from you all.
I feel terribly lost.
I’ve discovered my husband has another wife and two sons that live half an hour away from us.he used to work away during the week and told me that he was earning extra money so we can go on holiday every year.Now he tells me that he’s with her out of guilt and he really loves a SAHM.
He’s in charge of all the finances.

Girlintherobe Sat 05-Jan-19 15:26:57

I feel so stupid for believing everything he told me.

Racecardriver Sat 05-Jan-19 15:28:29

Wow. So sorry OP. I don’t know what to say except that you aren’t stupid. This isn’t really something you could have foreseen. flowers

HirplesWithHaggis Sat 05-Jan-19 15:28:32

Wow. That's a blow, and then some. Are you sure you're legally married? What's your housing situation?

Girlintherobe Sat 05-Jan-19 15:40:31

We both jointly own the house.
All the bills are jointly in me and my husbands name.
OW has her maiden name.
I won’t get sympathy for saying I’m a Muslim.
I’ve grown up believing in a couple loving each other and can’t accept another woman.
Sounds disgusting.

VietnameseCrispyFish Sat 05-Jan-19 15:41:10

You can’t both be legally married to him. Which marriage came first?

You must be in shock, what’s your gut telling you atm? To stay with this man or leave?

Girlintherobe Sat 05-Jan-19 15:42:33

He told me that she’s more accepting of his sexual needs.
Agrees to everything he wants.

ApolloandDaphne Sat 05-Jan-19 15:42:35

Well one of you legally is not his wife. Who did he marry first?

VietnameseCrispyFish Sat 05-Jan-19 15:42:45

Well, you can’t accept another woman and you’ve been sharing with one without your consent for years so you really do have to end it surely?

Do you have any family support or friends?

This guy has put your sexual health at risk by having unprotected sex with another woman then coming home and doing it with you, for that alone you should be furious and done!

Yellowpanther Sat 05-Jan-19 15:43:39

I'm sorry love... He is a bastard hope everything goes well with you xxxxx

Girlintherobe Sat 05-Jan-19 15:44:13

He’s been with her for years which I’ve only just discovered and I’ve noticed a change in his behaviour since last year.
He’s so much more loving towards me which is why I’m even more shocked.

NotANotMan Sat 05-Jan-19 15:44:50

Did you have a civil service or just a nikah?
You don't have to put up with this. You can leave him and claim child support.

NothingOnTellyAgain Sat 05-Jan-19 15:46:33

Wow I'm so sorry.

Are you legally married. Is first important thing.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 05-Jan-19 15:47:07

I was going to ask whether you are married to this man in English civil law. What sort of ceremony did you have with this man initially?

You can certainly claim child support and I would not want any woman to put up with this either.

MaisyPops Sat 05-Jan-19 15:47:12

So sorry you're in this situation.
I would imagine only one of you is a legal spouse and the other is just a religious marriage so technically not illegal.

The question is which situation are you in as that will affect your routes from here.

WhatsUpHun Sat 05-Jan-19 15:47:22

Iwon’t get sympathy for saying I’m a Muslim. what difference does that make to anything?

UAEMum Sat 05-Jan-19 15:47:37

Im also a Muslim. Are you legally married under UK law? Has he married her under a religious ceremony? If you are legally married then you have all the rights as far as houses, money etc. go

Girlintherobe Sat 05-Jan-19 15:47:45

Im his first wife.ive got 4 children with him.
The children are shocked they have brothers that they didn’t know of.

Girlintherobe Sat 05-Jan-19 15:48:22

She knew all about me but said she loves him very much and is willing to share.

Girlintherobe Sat 05-Jan-19 15:48:34

I’ve never met her

Girlintherobe Sat 05-Jan-19 15:48:57

She’s a nurse and works for the nhs

MaisyPops Sat 05-Jan-19 15:49:43

There has been a trend with some Muslim men having multiple wives or only having religious ceremonies knowing fine wrll that leaves their wife (often staying at home with children at this point) without the protection of British divorce law. It means it makes women very financially vulnerable as to get divorced means they are legally entitled to nothing from the marriage (It's just who owns what).

Some elements of society are not sympathetic to women who end up in this situation.

Girlintherobe Sat 05-Jan-19 15:49:49

I’m not legally married.

Flamingchips Sat 05-Jan-19 15:50:23


Is it a legal marriage you both have with him or does one/both have a religious one? Sorry, I don’t know the correct word.

RandomMess Sat 05-Jan-19 15:50:26


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