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Wish me luck ... I'm actually doing it

(296 Posts)
beverleymaccalovesdave Thu 03-Jan-19 13:43:45

I've posted under many names over the last year , mainly because I was embarrassed that I didn't have the strength to leave and I didn't want my mn 'friends' to get fed up of me the way my real life friends have .

Long story short : I met a man who initially was everything I could have wished for , it didn't take long for the cracks to show but I thought I could change him if I was just a little better with him , if I didn't say too much , if I just agreed with him more .. you get the jist !

Anyway I gave up my house to live with him and his children ( he is a young widower) and for a million reasons all of which I knew and could see before I did that I am finally at breaking point .

Right now ,I am awaiting the call back from the letting agent on a property I've fallen in love with back In my hometown (miles always from him ) . I have already passed the credit check and secured a little loan off my big brother for the deposit , just the references to go now .

I know it will all kick off when I tell him I'm leaving and I know there will be a battle over me taking my things and I probs won't get out of there without some injury or all of my possessions but I'm so looking forward to just me and my dds being happy and safe in our little cottage .

I'm still playing the game at the minute , still sending the 'I love you 'texts and pottering around his house , sorting his kids , handing my money over ( money is a big problem of his , his is his but once that's gone he demands mine too,'family pot' but only when it suits him ) .

Ive got a van lined up and am covertly putting the word out for second hand furniture amongst my work friends ( I still work in my hometown and of course he hasn't wanted to bother with any of them despite numerous invites )

It will be a few days/week or so before I can attempt to get my things and go but it's happening , just hope all is good news with the letting agency

Wish me luck smile

pjllama Thu 03-Jan-19 13:48:37

Good luck OP. Stay safe. Thinking of you xxx

Knittedfairies Thu 03-Jan-19 13:49:02

Stop sending the 'I love you' texts, and organise someone to be nearby when you tell him you're leaving; the fact you are so blasé about not getting out without injury speaks volumes.
Good luck.

mummmy2017 Thu 03-Jan-19 13:52:32

Get someone you trust to take him out for the day.... Or book him a cheap treat... That has a few hours travel included

IAmALionessHearMeRoar Thu 03-Jan-19 13:54:15

Well done OP. I hope all goes ok.

TheClitterati Thu 03-Jan-19 13:55:05

Well done op. Massive steps to take back control of your lives. Great work.
Stay safe.

willowmelangell Thu 03-Jan-19 13:59:22

Good Luck!
How about having a "New Year clear out?"
Fill up a small box marked as, 'Charity', but take it to your brothers for safe keeping.
I hope the move is uneventful and you are happy in your new home.x x

Oldstyle Thu 03-Jan-19 13:59:46

Well done OP. Do take care - is there someone who can be with you when you tell him to minimise the likelihood of injury / loss of property etc? Sounds as if that would be a good idea.
Good luck and please keep us posted. flowers

beverleymaccalovesdave Thu 03-Jan-19 14:00:10

@Knitted
I'm just trying to keep everything calm for the time being .

My dds are with their dad for the rest of the hols but his kids don't deserve any trouble either .

He will absolutely throw me out without anywhere for me to go if he gets wind of it .

Just playing his game a little longer

category12 Thu 03-Jan-19 14:01:46

Good luck OP, glad you're getting out.

PhilomenaButterfly Thu 03-Jan-19 14:03:22

Good luck! 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

Squatternutbosh123 Thu 03-Jan-19 14:03:57

Good luck OP, please let us know you get out safely when you do

category12 Thu 03-Jan-19 14:04:26

If you can time the move for a time when he's out, i'd totally pack up everything of yours in his absence and leave and tell him after, from a distance, if I were you. If that's at all possible.

beverleymaccalovesdave Thu 03-Jan-19 14:05:46

@willow

I'm one step ahead already , that is exactly my plan for this weekend , my exH has cleared some space for my kids 'going to charity' things and has also kindly said if I sneak any precious things ( photos , paperwork etc) out before then he will store it for me until I get the keys .

I'm happy to walk away with nothing if he starts though and I can't tell you how empowered that makes me feel .

Sod it .. il buy new eventually grin

Hanab Thu 03-Jan-19 14:05:47

Good luck 🌷

DramaAlpaca Thu 03-Jan-19 14:05:52

Best of luck OP.

DiaryofWimpyMum Thu 03-Jan-19 14:06:39

Good luck! Stay safe.

KillerSpider Thu 03-Jan-19 14:18:10

Best of luck, Beverley. Make 2019 your year.

YellowSkyBlue Thu 03-Jan-19 14:28:21

Good luck. I totally second category12. Think its best for your safety not to tell him until you are long distance away.

Mountainsoutofmolehills Thu 03-Jan-19 14:31:44

For easiest, just slip out. Go non contact. You tried, it didn't work. He will get over it. Do not feel guilty. Save yourself smile Power to you sister smile Well done.

SparklyMagpie Thu 03-Jan-19 14:33:01

@willowmelangell brilliant idea about boxing for "charity" an OP bloody well done for already having that idea

Sounds like your EXH is a good support too

Keep safe and massive well done to you flowers

TooOldForThis67 Thu 03-Jan-19 14:33:30

Well done and great prep! You have to play the long waiting game sometimes but it's well worth it as when you leave, it's done!
I did something similar when I left my abusive controlling bully of a exDH many years ago. I actually got a mortgage and confessed to the agent what I was planning. He actually said that many women do it like that! I wish you great happiness in your new home. wine

justilou1 Thu 03-Jan-19 14:44:25

Congratulations! Please check in with us and let us know how liberated life feels! We are so proud of you!!!

beverleymaccalovesdave Thu 03-Jan-19 14:48:55

There is no possibility that I will be able to get out whilst he isn't there . He works In building attached to the house and is In and out all day .

He does pop out but it's usually when I'm at work and due to my commute now it wouldn't give enough time to get everything.

My plan is too just rock up one morning in the van and say I'm leaving .

He's is the kind of guy to either cry and beg for me not to leave , kick off massively or stand aside and let me get on with it . Depends who he is on the day .

Letting agent is still waiting for one more piece of info but says it's looking good at the minute grin

category12 Thu 03-Jan-19 14:51:34

Ahh.

Any chance of some burly friends to assist you?

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