Rows in front of dd

[fairbanksjunior]

Does anyone else's dh shout at them in front of their dc? dh and i had an argument last week and i said i really wasn't sure about things - he was holding dd (aged 14months) at the time and he put her down on my lap and said he wouldn't be looking after her anymore(because he thinks i won't let him see her if we split up - completely untrue and unfounded.) he's a great dad apart from his shouting in front of her. any advice anyone?

[fairbanksjunior]

bump.........

[elasticbandstand]

i spose it is better than silences... it happens i spose .. every fmily.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

It's a difficult one. There are certainly things that you wouldn't want your dc to hear.

However, it is also a part of their education to understand that people do have arguments, and that anger can be expressed legitimately.

We have this problem. My dh really hates it if our children hear us having an argument. The trouble is, because we both also try and avoid confrontation, that I'm not sure we're really teaching our children how to deal with negative feelings.

I know it sounds a bit odd to support arguments in the front of children (and I do not in any way mean physical violence) but I do think that children have to learn about all facets of relationships.

Having said all that, it does sound like the kind of conversation you were having was inappropriate in front of your dc.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

Sorry - the other thing I should add is that it also important for dc to understand that you have made up/resolved the issues and that you still love each other - i.e. that within the context of a loving relationship there can still be disagreements.

[fairbanksjunior]

is this just normal then - shouting in front tof the dc/ i just want to do everything right as i had a bad childhood. in most ways he's a good dad.our marriage isn't exciting and we hardly ever have sex ( his snoring means that he sleeps in the pare room alsot as his noise keeps me awake) he's abit overweight and this is why he smores (never happened when he was lighter) and i resent him not trying to lose any weight. i guess if the shouting stopped or i could accept it as normal, things seem be better. am i just being idealistic?

[BecauseImWorthIt]

You will never do everything right - stop putting yourself under impossible pressure!

But shouting at each other all the time isn't a good sign.

Would suggest that you find ways to start sleeping in the same bed again and rekindling some intimacy in your relationship.

[fairbanksjunior]

thanks - we're by no means shouting at eachother all the time - i gues it happens once every month or two. just want to do it all right.....and give dd the best

[fairbanksjunior]

bump...

[TheApprentice]

I have never heard my parents have a row in all my 40 years! I can tell you that its actually made things quite difficult for me at times, as I find conflict very hard to deal with, having never witnessed it with my parents.

When I first got together with dh I panicked every time we fell out and I still have a tendency to over dramatise the significance of every minor disagreement.

I think some arguing in front of dcs can be good, as long as it doesnt get out of hand.

[fairbanksjunior]

bump.............

[fairbanksjunior]

bump

[newgirl]

i think it is ok if your child sees you resolve it

but the fact that you are posting here probably means you dont feel that comfortable about it and would prefer it not to happen

maybe when all is calm one day ask that your dh doesn't do it - or come up with a strategy to save it til later. at some point your dd will answer back/join in so best to stop it before then!