Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is A Snog Infidelity?

(137 Posts)
daisydreams Wed 27-Jun-07 15:57:01

After claiming he was depressed but not enough to go to GPs Dh told me in late January that he'd "snogged" a colleague at the Xmas nite out. When I asked what was he thinking about, he said "Oh this feels nice". He never said sorry, did say that the depression was really guilt and that was the delay in telling me and he didn't want to upset me(!)He wont talk about it just wants things to go back to normal. I feel broken in two am I over-reacting?

Dior Wed 27-Jun-07 15:59:00

Message withdrawn

Mumpbump Wed 27-Jun-07 15:59:33

Kissing means different things to different people, but to me it is one of the most intimate things you can do and I would never snog anyone if I wasn't thinking of sleeping with them. But I know people who have snogged their friends - same sex or otherwise - and to whom snogging is just a bit of a laugh, so depends what view your dh takes, I guess...

nickytwotimes Wed 27-Jun-07 16:00:23

i think a snog is infidelity. i'd want a bit of remorse too. he can't expect to just tell you and things be fine. i don't think you are overreacting at all.

Skyler Wed 27-Jun-07 16:02:00

If my husband snogged any one else I would be devastated too. So sorry .

daisydreams Wed 27-Jun-07 16:03:10

I think if he'd just come home that night and told me then - but he waited so long and became very cold to me. The bit is I thought that things were great between us and now, well. If it wasn't for ds and dd he'd be outta here. I wonder how wrong you can be about someone?

HappyDaddy Wed 27-Jun-07 16:06:22

Infidelity means different things to all of us. Your DH sounds as if he had no conscience over it and expects you just to forgive him.

hana Wed 27-Jun-07 16:06:41

it would be in my books

daisydreams Wed 27-Jun-07 16:07:54

Oh and he tried to justify it by saying that she's really nice and he talks to her because they've worked together so long now (5 years). I pointed out that nice girls don't do things like that. Apparently her Dh has grounded her because she's got abit of history. My Dh also slipped in that she's got a nice figure and for the first time ever encouraged me to diet, before I found out about the snog.

nickytwotimes Wed 27-Jun-07 16:08:51

bloody hell, daisy! poor you. don't like the sound of his behavior...

IdrisTheDragon Wed 27-Jun-07 16:10:33

Did you say he told you in January? That's been a while ago - it must be very difficult for you with him not wanting to talk about it .

Pinkchampagne Wed 27-Jun-07 16:10:56

It is in my books too. I found out my husband had snogged some girl before we got married, and much as he swore he didn't actually sleep with her, it hurt me pretty much as much as it would have done if he had. We very nearly split following this.

HappyDaddy Wed 27-Jun-07 16:11:31

Kick him in the cock, he's an arse.

Pinkchampagne Wed 27-Jun-07 16:12:34

How hurtful, Daisy. I don't like the sound of his behaviour either.

WigWamBam Wed 27-Jun-07 16:14:03

Depression isn't guilt, and doesn't excuse his behaviour or the fact he kept it secret.

It counts as infidelity in my book, and I would expect at the very least an apology, the chance to talk it over, and a promise that he will never do it again. He owes you that much, no matter how much he wants to brush it under the carpet. He also owes it to you not to rub your nose in it by telling you how nice/slim/easy to talk to this girl is.

daisydreams Wed 27-Jun-07 16:14:51

Yeah Idris, he never really talks much. Mates have commented that I'm so gregarious and he doesn't have much to say. But I would've said our relationship is at least worth talking about but you can't talk to yourself - well, it gets abit onesided and boring! I'm on a childminding career break which we both worked out and agreed to and today he flung that at me saying he was doing this for me, trying to make things better!!! We agreed this last year way before Xmas - break started in October.

nickytwotimes Wed 27-Jun-07 16:15:29

would getting counselling together be any help?

HappyDaddy Wed 27-Jun-07 16:16:52

He clearly feels no guilt and is being stupid expecting you to let it lie.

ginnedupmummy Wed 27-Jun-07 16:16:58

Message withdrawn

daisydreams Wed 27-Jun-07 16:20:37

No he told me in January. Thought about counselling but I think I need some space away from him to think a lot of things through.Obviously this has been like a snowball effect in our marriage and just got worse... I'm just scared of what to tell the kids 7 and 3????? That's what's stopping me.

nickytwotimes Wed 27-Jun-07 16:22:48

it's such a grim situation.. i'm sorry, i don't know how you tell kids these things. you deserve to be treated better though.

daisydreams Wed 27-Jun-07 16:32:10

Cheers folks this is the first I've spoken to anyone and it's great to hear other folk think the same . I'm away now to be mum's taxi and feeding station! Speak to you later on. Thanks.

mother2b Wed 27-Jun-07 16:34:02

Def infidelity, i wouldnt be able to trust him again but i hope you can work it out and do what makes you happy, and in turn that will make your DC's happy because you'll be happier

nickytwotimes Wed 27-Jun-07 16:34:21

good luck daisy.

Hopeitwontbebig Wed 27-Jun-07 16:37:09

I'd be GUTTED TBH , so IMO yes it is... sorry. It's such an intimate thing to do.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now