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Did she lie about being on contraception?

(92 Posts)
UKDad Sat 22-Dec-18 12:16:29

So before my daughter was conceived my ex said she was on the birth control pill. But she stated she was buying it from the pharmacist because she didn't have time to get a repeat prescription. I've recently been told that it's not possible to get birth control pills without a prescription. So I've essentially signed up here because I thought women would be better able to tell me about the BC pill than blokes on my blokey forums. Is this possible or was she lying?

We broke up and surprisingly, to me at least, she came back pregnant. She said she'd been sick a few weeks before and I took her back out of a sense of responsibility.

Roll on a few years and she wants to try for a child. We have an argument and decide against it. 2 or 3 months roll on when shes supposedly on birth control and now she's pregnant again.

Now let's say she is lying for Child 1, well Child 2 could be conceived on birth control I suppose. It's plausible. But if she did lie about Child 1, it's likely she lied again. Plus she would taken offense at the second child being called an accident and always state our second child was planned because we initially planned it and I would argue, 'well no it wasn't because we changed our mind and you went on birth control again'.

I'm happy to be a father none the less but she went on to betray me and ruined my life through several callous actions. I'm just curious which things were pre-meditated and which weren't.

PikaPikaTink Sat 22-Dec-18 12:19:53

I don't think it's possible to know but if you doubted her after child 1 and child 2 then why weren't you using condoms?

Travisandthemonkey Sat 22-Dec-18 12:32:54

I really don’t understand why you’re so angry.
You stayed with someone you didn’t want to who tricked you into having a child.
Then you carried on sleeping with her without using protection. Even though you never trusted her
Sounds all kind of fucked up on both sides

Your poor children

ohwellinthatcasetryprunes Sat 22-Dec-18 12:36:54

Whatever the circumstances, you need to know that the pill is not totally 100% reliable. Pregnancies can and do happen when women are taking it.

If you were so adamant that you didn't want another baby, you should have taken responsibilty yourself.

Sunshineandflipflops Sat 22-Dec-18 12:37:36

If you had any doubt at all about her being on the pill then it was your responsibility to also use protection. Or not have sex/be with her as you clearly don’t trust her.

Travisandthemonkey Sat 22-Dec-18 12:38:43

I just can’t understand why you’re even with this person. You clearly don’t like/love/respect them!

TheBigBangRocks Sat 22-Dec-18 12:40:14

Very likely but you were very irresponsible not using your own birth control and trusting someone else.

pissedonatrain Sat 22-Dec-18 12:40:23

ffs use a condom.

0ccamsRazor Sat 22-Dec-18 12:40:30

You are angry with someone because YOU did not take responcability for your own fertility?

Ok.......... hmm

TheClitterati Sat 22-Dec-18 12:41:14

It's pretty easy for men to take responsibility for their own birth control.

Surfskatefamily Sat 22-Dec-18 12:42:34

It does sound a bit sneaky to me. However theres nothing you can do to prove or disprove.
You need to be the one taking responsibility for contraception from hereon.
Having another arguement is not going to help. Id decide if you want out of the relationship. You can still be a great father

UKDad Sat 22-Dec-18 12:44:49

@Pika I didn't doubt her at all after child 1. I only suspected this recently after the break up as I assumed you could buy the pill OTC as she stated. It was only after we broke up that I was told that you couldn't but I'm wondering if there's an explanation. Which is the only reason I've signed up as it seems like a good place to ask if this is even plausible.

@Travis Very unnecessary on your part to write 'your poor children'. In no way have I implied I'm angry about this in particular situation and without knowing a complete story I would suggest not being so judgmental.

UKDad Sat 22-Dec-18 12:46:54

@Surf the relationship is over and I won't be starting an argument, we don't talk now. I'm trying to be a responsible father

Just wanted closure/answers of sorts

TheFifthKey Sat 22-Dec-18 12:47:24

You can’t buy it OTC but you can get it (legitimately) from online pharmacies- it costs a little bit because you need to get a private prescription remotely but it’s very convenient, you can choose the pill you want rather than whatever’s the cheapest thing your GP insists on prescribing and it gets delivered to your house!

Zebedee88 Sat 22-Dec-18 12:49:01

You can get it online, I've done it a few times due to laziness/ been busy. You have to pay for it though

WilburforceRaven Sat 22-Dec-18 12:53:27

You can buy it online. If you didn't want any kids you should have use a condom.

Dirtybadger Sat 22-Dec-18 13:14:24

You can "buy" it online and collect it from a pharmacy. You're actually getting a private prescription.

And I work with women who are considering terminations. Many have conceived using hormonal contraception (some women even using a hormonal and non-hormonal!). It's just not super common. The pregnancy timings are an odd coincidence but not impossible. You may never know. The situation you're in is still the same either way though so it is probably better to attempt to let go of the resentment and torture of trying to figure it out.

If you don't want more children I highly recommend looking into a vasectomy or at least using condoms with any future long term partner(s) (and obviously all short term ones).

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sat 22-Dec-18 13:17:55

It's up to the person who doesn't want children to make sure they don't they don't have them!

flameycakes Sat 22-Dec-18 13:24:59

Isn't it a bit late in the day to start the blame game. Take responsibility for you and stop trying to get digs in at the mother of your kids!!

dontgobaconmyheart Sat 22-Dec-18 13:30:30

Why is it down to her to manage your contraception as a couple? If you didn't want children OP then you could've worn a condom as additional insurance. As others have pointed out the pill is not statistically 100% effective, no contraception is.

Birth control pills are 99 percent effective with “perfect use,” which means taking the pill at the same time every day without missing a dose, not taking other medications, being sick, any other number of variables. “Typical use” is how most women take the pill, and then it's about 91 percent, according to statistics. I'm sure you can do the maths as to how many women taking the pill only as an average end up pregnant. It is also the case that in excess of 20% of abortions are performed on women who were using hormonal contraception. Google it and educate yourself. Not sure why she is to blame or the source of suspicion as a result of your own lack of knowledge on this subject.

With regards to buying the pill rather than getting it from the doctor you absolutely can, I have done this when I was not able to get an appointment. You order it online and it takes a few seconds for a 3 or 6 month supply.
If your relationship is over why not stop policing her statements from years ago in a forum and use the time to research contraception online if you are so uncertain about how it works. Trying to work out what was or wasn't 'pre meditated' is pointless and sounds unhealthy- not all women are out tricking men into having babies for goodness sake, unless you have evidence or she admits it, time to let it go and take responsibility for your own contraception if you want to avoid a repeat.

Dimsumlosesum Sat 22-Dec-18 13:31:58

YOu can also pay about £20 for a "GP appointment" on apps (Online, obvs), and they can sign you on to the pill that way, if for some reason you can't get to a surgery. So it is possible.

But surely this is all moot-point - the children are here, she is your ex, so until the law changes whereby lying about contraception is punishable, something which you can't prove right now anyway because many factors can render the pill useless whilst taking it (some medications, being ill, forgetting to take it at the right time, just general percentage failure etc), it's not like thinking about whether she lied or not is going to change anything.

In the future, just wear a condom in conjunction to a partner saying they're on the pill, to be doubly sure that sex won't result in creating life. Or abstain, to be extra sure wink

subspace Sat 22-Dec-18 13:34:02

I'm surprised if you never saw the packet of pills/prescription/her take them.

Like all contraceptives, things can go wrong if you miss one or are ill etc. So it's perfectly possible that she was on the pill but shit happened.

You'll never know for sure. I think it's a shame you're getting grief for not using your own protection, as if your long term partner tells you they're on contraception you should be able to believe them. But unfortunately yes, it's probably wisest in the future to also use a condom or other method too.

bethy15 Sat 22-Dec-18 13:36:16

You can buy birth control pills, it's just more expensive.

However, she is not the only one to blame, if you didn't want a child, use condoms, you didn't take care of things on your end, so you are to blame (if you want to play the blame game).

Gina2012 Sat 22-Dec-18 13:38:32

Isn't it a bit late in the day to start the blame game. Take responsibility for you and stop trying to get digs in at the mother of your kids!!

This with bells on

And use condoms ffs

HJWT Sat 22-Dec-18 13:40:43

'SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS ON THE PILL'.... you chose to get her pregnant because you trusted a woman to take a pill everyday, if you really didn't want a baby you should of protected yourself on your end 🙄

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