My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

999 replies

DaffoDeffo · 22/12/2018 04:22

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!
OP posts:
Report
Eesha · 22/12/2018 05:51

placemarking!

Report
Koko12 · 22/12/2018 06:08

Great thread title daffo!

Report
WarIsPeace · 22/12/2018 06:14

Checking in Xmas Smile

Report
MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 22/12/2018 06:58

Thanks for the new thread.
Date 2 with Mr Intense last night was er..... interesting. We went out for a meal and although the conversation flowed quite well, he spent quite a bit of time looking at me like he was mentally undressing me Blush.
Every so often he would whisper something in my ear, which I think was something naughty but as he chose my slightly deaf ear, I couldn't really understand him. Probably as good thing or I might've choked on my dinner!

Unsurprisingly, he wants to see me again. I'm not sure now. I did find him quite attractive but all the sexual innuendo has put me off a bit.

Report
scotgal2017 · 22/12/2018 07:35

Placemarking ! Thanks @deffo. Will be on later as need to put done stuff down on paper!

Report
unique1986 · 22/12/2018 08:30

@myold
Sounds really weirdSmile

Report
coolcahuna · 22/12/2018 08:32

daffo thankyou for the new thread and great name. tooold , sounds a bit odd and intense, the sweet nothings whispering would have had me laughing to be honest. I find men hilarious when they try to be intense, seems like trying to drive home a connection?

Report
shitwithsugaron · 22/12/2018 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SortingItOut · 22/12/2018 09:30

@ohjellybelly

You posted at the end of the last thread.

So pleased the date went well, sounds like a good time was had by all!!!

Is it tonight you have another date?
Good luck with it

Report
SortingItOut · 22/12/2018 09:34

@Whoknows11

I have some FB's (rather than FwB) and we don't really discuss other people who we may be seeing.

All my FB's know I see other FB's for sex and although occasionally it might be mentioned when we are chatting generally no mention is made.

Some of my FB's are not on dating sites any longer and by the sound of it I'm the only one they are having sex with.

Some are on dating sites and actively looking for a relationship, sometimes our arrangement has ended when they start seeing someone properly rather than as FB and then they come back when things don't work out.

Its sounds odd but it works for me.

Report
Pushreset · 22/12/2018 09:36

Placemarking.....

Report
JeSuisPrest · 22/12/2018 09:45

Placemarking. Smile

Officially have both arse cheeks on the smitten bench with MrAbs - 5 weeks now and still think he's amazing. Fortunately the feeling is mutal Blush. We'll be spending a few hours together on Christmas day morning, which I am so looking forward to. My last 5 Christmases with exh, then alone last year a week after I found out about his affair, have been a trauma to be endured, rather than a day to be enjoyed.

Unfortunately MrAbs dad passed a way a couple of days ago after a long illness, so he'll be flying out to visit his family over NY.

Good luck to all who have dates this weekend. I know it's early days for my relationship, but I would advise not chatting for weeks before meeting. It's so disappointing when you have a spark online, but feel nothing when you actually meet (or worse utter repulsion).

Report
DanielCraigsUnderpants · 22/12/2018 10:13

Amazing thread title

Report
Leatherandsilk · 22/12/2018 11:05

AH that’s lovely jesuis, hope it’s a great Christmas Smile

I’m getting a few red flags with MrSA now, think there may be a little ex wife bitterness lurking. Not going back hunting until late Jan though I think.

Report
TooOldForThis67 · 22/12/2018 11:24

Nice catchy title Daffo

A question - what is everyone doing about giving (or not) of xmas present to someone they haven't been seeing long but will be seeing them xmas eve or xmas day? Seems a bit rude not to, even if it's a little something. Which leads me to the next question, what? Lol

Report
midcenturylegs · 22/12/2018 11:24

Place-marking and yes, great thread name @DaffoDeffo!

Report
gettingstherehopefully · 22/12/2018 12:07

I LOVE the thread title DaffoDeffo!

Report
darkriver198868 · 22/12/2018 12:26

Hello I am joining! I have been single for three years.

I am considering online dating and wondering where to begin?

Report
richdeniro · 22/12/2018 12:51

So happy for you @JeSuisPrest

Sad to hear about his dad though, is really good that he has you alongside him through it though.

Report
shitwithsugaron · 22/12/2018 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jogrighton · 22/12/2018 13:10

Can I join please?

Been single 7yrs apart from some flaky tinder twat.

Racked my brains but cannot for the life of me think what an IRON is...please help!

Wish I'd come on here ages ago, learning loads 🤣

Report
Koko12 · 22/12/2018 13:32

Hi all jelly and jesuis great updates! I have a date today with someone I’m really interested in so will update you all later.good luck to all with dates over the weekend!

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

likeridingabike · 22/12/2018 15:10

Just checking in and catching up, had a mad few weeks at work so no dating and still just one iron who's effectively a pen pal.

Report
scotgal2017 · 22/12/2018 15:18

@darkriver I think many factors come into play when choosing which sites to join i.e. what you're looking for, what area you live in, how many unsolicited dick pics you'd like to receive on a weekly basis. For example, i am in NE Scotland and whilst other people on this thread have found Match to be busy, it's like tuimbleweed for me......

@jogrighton, I believe it refers to "irons in the fire" lol.

great news @jesuis!

As posted this morning my mind is preoccupied with Mr Italy. I think I am being seriously lovebombed and future faked .......certain things he says, does (or doesn't do) and that I have seen lead me to the conclusion that although the second sentence out of his mouth when we first started talking was "I am looking for a relationship", we are most definitely in a FWB situation with IMO no chance of moving to a relationship. I'm fine with that, if only he would acknowledge that that is what we actually have instead of spouting a heap of BS and allowing me the chance to put my emotional barriers up to where they need to be so i don;t get emotionally invested. Below are pros and cons and I'm sure I know what the wise daters of MN are going to tell me (I believe it will contain the word hills lol).

PROS - complimentary, can hold a conversation for hours, likes cuddles, doesn't comment negatively on my wobbly bits, is generous in bed, has a nice smile, remembers some little points of conversation in a current conversation.

CONS -

  1. 2nd date at his flat he opened his laptop to show me some photos and he had left the porn site open (whoopsie, let this slide as he is a single man and not my position to tell him what to do about porn).

  2. Every "date" from the 2nd to the 7th has been at his flat and from the 3rd has always ended in sex. Although stated above he is a generous lover, he is always in a rush, finds it hard to keep an erection and does not finish piv... (he says his partner of 15 years couldn't take contraceptive tablets and didn;t want children so they used the pull out method).

  3. Although not specifically said he is not talking to anyone else/we are exclusive he comes across very strongly (saying he likes me a lot, talking about living together in the future etc), he seemed jealous of the thought of me speaking/dating other men. I last saw him 2 days ago, after DTD he wanted to show me something on Youtube, so again opened his laptop and oops! He'd left the badoo live stream page open....awkward... when I was leaving he said he had arranged to meet someone for coffee but didn't as he likes me a lot.....

  4. he seems to swing between being happy not having a kid and wanting one. He is 43, I am 39 but I told him from the start I don't want more an if he does want he'll have to find someone else.

  5. His WApping is so sporadic and sparse. There is little to no content. we had arranged to meet earlier in the week last week and I messaged him to cancel as I had a throat infection and was on antibiotics......not even a okay, hope you feel better soon message. Zilch til i messaged him 2 days after to say i was feeling better and could meet.

  6. When we met 2 days ago I mentioned in a jokey way that he is obviously embarrassed to be seen in public with me as we always meet at his flat. He said he was going into town shopping the next day (i.e. yesterday) to do Xmas shopping and we could meet as i could maybe help him choose something for his neice, then grab a coffee. he said he would text me when he got up the next morning.......i haven't had a single message from him at all about anything. On a "date" previous to that i asked him to confirm whether he stioll wanted me to come round after work, I didn;t hear from him so drove to his flat to see what was happening - oops I forgot to message you, I fell asleep after work (although he was busy grouting when I arrived Confused )

  7. He smokes weed and has done for the best part of his life he tells me. I don;t have an issue with it but it seems to me that this could be more to do with his erectile problems/can't orgasm PIV than what was happening with his partner.

    to put this in context he keeps saying he wants to cook for me, he wanted to come away with me to the cabin i've booked next week, he wantsme to go to a hippie concert with hijm in Spain next year..... mate you can't even arrange to go for a coffee FFS. he also says he won;t see me much over the Xmas holidays as he has a friend from italy coming over on the 1st for about a week...... so because we are obviously FWB I'm not even worthy of an introduction to his best friend.

    I know, i know, you are all shouting at me through the screen! I think what i am going to do if.when i next see him and he brings up doing something with me in the future i'll say "No, i don;t think so, it's obvious i'm only here for the conversation and sex" and take it from there?? If you made it this far thanks for reading lol. I know what really should be done but I don;t mind a FWB as long as I know where I stand, and TBH I can't face going back on OLD yet and I think I'm destined to be an old spinster with 10 dogs, a pot plant named Charles and pea green cardigans....
Report
subspace · 22/12/2018 15:32

@scotgal2017 yeah it's the hills reaction (autocorrect insists I mean raccoon?!) you thought you'd get from me. You're in a FWB situation with decidedly a bit shit B and a bit shit F.

I'm fed up. I allowed myself to feel optimistic about most recent chap and after advice from you guys on the last thread kept an open mind about the sporadic texts but having not heard from him since Tuesday I'm getting the vibe "he's just not that into me". Bah, humbug and scrooge.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.