Respect? Relationships.

[Mumtobe2018oxo]

OK I am looking for advice to have a second opinion on a situation. I am 29 years old and have just had a Daughter who is 9 weeks old.

Last night I discovered text messages on my DH’s phone between him and another female who I have not heard of. My partner raised the subject about an encounter that has happened between them many years ago. Her response seemed very embarrassed and short, even after this he text her two days later with another joke regarding the incident.

He has promised that nothing went further other than a kiss and that he only brought it up to embarrass her as it was a very awkward encounter many moons ago.

Do you believe that this is disrespectful towards me? And should I be concerned?Also I welcome any other opinions on this as I feel like a bit of an idiot.

[category12]

I dunno about disrespectful towards you, but it's pretty disrespectful towards her.

Does sound like he's trying to rekindle something.

[Bernina]

Of course it's disrespectful to you. Why would he be talking about encounters with other women? Even worse that its with the woman the encounter was with!!

[Villagelifer]

Why is he texting her? I'm confused, was the kiss now??

[Winterhatsandgloves]

You have a new baby and he is texting another woman? Seriously?

Take care of yourself, I hope you have the support of your family. Can you tell them?

perhaps he needs to put his phone down and look after you and his newborn. Why do you feel an idiot? You are not an idiot to think he should have thoughts only for his family. You might decide privately that any more shit like this and when you feel up to it you'll be off and plan accordingly. Saves lots of heartache and emotion. He doesn't really get to redefine your boundaries does he?

Take care of yourself though- tell him it sounds like bullshit to you and you'll be keeping his and your family up to date with it, as it's meaningless- don't keep his secrets for him. You must take care of yourself and your baby first.

[Mumtobe2018oxo]

I do feel like an idiot as I idolise the ground he walks on and I give him my all every single day. I’m no saint but I know that I do everything for him.

I told one family member of his about it and they were furious, however I did not disclose that I had told them as it was only down to me breaking down.

I’ve completely lost my confidence and I feel as though that maybe I’ve let myself go after having a baby. I can’t help but feel paranoid now and I’ve never wanted to be like that.

There were other text messages to other females too but nothing out of the ordinary. Just general chat. The only one that I didn’t appreciate was wishing her a great birthday and that when they meet again he’ll buy her a drink. I do appreciate that this is probably me looking into it too much, however I speak to 0 male companions as I don’t want to make him feel paranoid etc.

Emma x

[Mumtobe2018oxo]

@Villagelifer - No this kiss was a while ago before us and apparently he rejected her at the time. He just said that it was a bit of banter.

@Winterhatsandgloves - Thank you, that’s what I thought was right, but I keep on going over and over.

I have one person to speak to but no where to go. x

[SuperSuperSuper]

Unless the "buy a drink" woman is a current platonic friend, it sounds as if he's trying to find an affair partner. Testing. Contacting a few women from the past to see who will respond.

Don't say that you've let yourself go, by the way. You have a very young baby! It's honestly fine not to look like Jennifer Aniston at this point. A decent man knows this.

So sorry OP.

[NotTheFordType]

this kiss was a while ago before us

I literally have no words.

[Ragaroo]

My DH started sniffing around when my son was 1. I found out 2 years later, by finding pictures he sent her on his phone. We'd already started couselling but it all came down down him not feeling wanted at the time. It's no excuse at all, and I was heart broken, but I'm sure this happens more than we like to think. Get some professional help for both of you, if you think you need it, before it gets out of hand.

[Mumtobe2018oxo]

@NotTheFordType - I know, I can’t get my head around it either. It’s not fair x

[CloudPop]

Why did he want to embarrass this woman? What a strange thing to want to achieve.

[RagingWhoreBag]

So he rejected her and is now contacting her to remind of that, and talking about meeting other women for drinks, while you and his 9 week old baby are at home? He sounds like a peach.

Concentrate on your DD, stop idolising this prick, he should be idolising you, the woman who has borne his child, and taking good care of you, not putting the feelers out for a shag elsewhere.

I would emotionally detach from him, and start imagining a life in the future where you and your DD are the centre of your world. The reason he wouldn't like you contacting male friends is because he is projecting the way he behaves onto you.

[category12]

Honestly you need to stop putting him on a pedestal, it's bad for you both. People don't value you if you don't value yourself.

How does he treat you aside from this?

Go to counselling on your own and rebuild your self esteem.