I need strategies to cope with being gaslighted.(8 Posts)
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The penny has just dropped that I'm being gaslighted by someone I work closely with. It's like my experience of situations is completely written out of existence. Like history is vacuumed clean of the truth & and replaced with a narrative that twists the focus solely in my colleagues favour. I'm feeling much more beefy now about standing my ground & not meekly going along with this shit but I could do with a few handy hints & tips if any of you have been in this situation before.
Take notes and follow everything up in writing.
Evidence. Witnesses. Maybe email ‘just wanted to capture the points from our conversation/meeting/agreement to ensure all on the same page’, including a cc to boss/another, and at least you can refer back to it later. Or confirm what was agreed in front of the boss. And then email. Some people are very good at self promoting, taking credit for others’ work/ideas, denigrating colleagues, etc. It is utterly rubbish, to have to protect yourself against such types., rather than stand on your own merits against theirs.
Hmm yeah. This other party has kept notes of what I've said & then repeated it back to me twisted...
Seconding email... it's difficult to twist after the fact, especially if you use straightforward, unambiguous language.
I agree with PPs - emails confirming any arrangements/discussions, copied into a senior member of staff.
When your colleague twists something, send them an email saying 'I just want to clarify, you said 'x' but actually it was 'y'.
Get into the habit of producing corroborating paperwork for your interactions if you can. Then you can also add the paperwork to any emails.
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Then you'll be a man my son.
When they make a comment, write it down in a notebook. When they explain something, write it down in same notebook. This gives authority, authenticity and proof whenever it's needed. I would also consider recording their pronouncements if the individual is particularly obnoxious and explaining that because of their communications style, you feel you have to have a support system in place to refer too.
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