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Sex and body language.....reading between the sheets

(15 Posts)
Ladominate14 Thu 06-Dec-18 21:01:02

Naive here. Is there any way to tell how much a man might be into you emotionally from his body language during sex? This man is a closed book to me otherwise! And yes, I do realise a conversation might be a good idea but for various reasons, I just can't!

Bombardier25966 Thu 06-Dec-18 21:02:23

As everyone acts differently, no, not really.

GoblinsAndGhouls Thu 06-Dec-18 21:03:57

Why can't you?

Ladominate14 Thu 06-Dec-18 21:04:41

Oh bugger. I thought there may be some magic giveaway clues!

Ladominate14 Thu 06-Dec-18 21:05:51

Good question. I can't believe I'm in my 40s and too afeared to be honest. I think I must really like this guy.

PolkaDoting Thu 06-Dec-18 21:34:58

No, no there isn’t.

LatentPhase Thu 06-Dec-18 22:06:25

No. No way of knowing. And if it’s very new you can’t ask directly, either.

But then that’s the buzz of early dating so try and just enjoy!

Ladominate14 Thu 06-Dec-18 22:13:27

It's not so new. But feels very comfortable when we are together. Just a FB thing but we've not really spoken about anything else. Been cool, cool, cool all the way but I'm not feeling so cool about it anymore!

ForeignElf Thu 06-Dec-18 22:22:19

I think you can tell how someone feels about you emotionally by the way they treat, rather than by looking at their behaviour during sex.

Does he choose to spend a lot of his free time with you? Make an effort to do things you will enjoy? Show an interest in your life, remember things you tell him, offer support and care when you need it?

SendintheArdwolves Fri 07-Dec-18 07:47:40

Body language during sex is not AT ALL a reliable way to gauge someone's feelings for you!

If you're hoping that tender kisses /eye contact /sudden snuggliness means that this guy has fallen for you, then don't get carried away - it might just be that he is feeling like he wants a bit of comfort. I once had a one night stand tell me he loved me during sex! He didn't, of course - it was just the moment.

But look - you have regular sex with this guy, you're hoping for more, you're desperately fixating on scraps of affection from him and you CAN'T POSSIBLY have a conversation with him about it - can you see that this has "car crash" written all over it in big glowing letters?

If you've developed feelings for your fwb, then your options are :

1) stop the arrangement, citing any reason you like (you don't even need to give a reason)
2) Ask him straightforwardly if he wants to actually start dating properly

But carrying on sleeping with him and breaking your heart wishing for more, obsessing over smiley faces in texts, hoping and pining and living on scraps, all the time desperate for him to wake up and realise you're perfect together - argh. You will grind yourself down, destroy your self worth and end up sad and resentful. Be smart, op smile

fringegrin45 Fri 07-Dec-18 07:51:40

You need more intimate conversation, look up those 30 questions to make anyone fall in love with you or whatever they are!!

Seriously tho lucky you having those butterflies!

noego Fri 07-Dec-18 08:30:44

If you have developed feelings for your FB then it is time to end it.

If he does have feelings he will tell you, if not he will walk away. He shouldn't be cruel or selfish enough to put his own needs before yours.

Which ever way It goes it is a win win.

Ladominate14 Fri 07-Dec-18 13:55:15

Yes, I'm lucky to have the butterflies of uncertainty I suppose....didn't think I'd feel like this again.

So I either need to come clean and tell him, or walk away without telling him?

Snowballs4ever Fri 07-Dec-18 14:18:53

I think you can tell to an extent, over a period of time, ie not just a few fwb sessions. If he's affectionate and loving in bed, then does he stay over after? Is he sweet and affectionate in the night? I know he may like comfort but if he feels little he's more likely to have an excuse to leave than to hold you all night.

What's the pillow talk like? My experience of dating in this age group is the men are often very slow and cautious, especially if they've had a hard divorce etc.

I have had an fwb for nearly a year. I understand why you're nervous to ask! I would probably keep dating to keep your options open, you don't need to tell him. May be invite him over a bit early so you can have dinner together? Send him some jokes between seeing him?

SendintheArdwolves Fri 07-Dec-18 14:21:38

So I either need to come clean and tell him, or walk away without telling him?

Well, those are the only two realistic options. The only other option is to carry on sleeping with him and desperately hoping he'll fall in love with you.

I expect it's the third one you're going to go for, because that way you get to keep sleeping with him and don't risk losing him. But just...wouldn't it be better to know if he was interested in more? If he is - brilliant! If he isn't - better to find out now than waste your time falling more in love with him and feeling sad.

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