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Desperately lonely post separation

10 replies

Emmalonely · 06/12/2018 17:22

I'm nearly divorced which is a good thing. But now I'm finding myself desperately painfully lonely in the evenings when my dc go to bed. I do everything that is usually recommended - I've made a list of books and films I'm working my way through, I exercise and am in the best shape of my life, I call friends and sometimes they come over in the evenings, I bake, play piano, read endless blogs and articles online, learn things from Youtube, reorganise my house, even started a flipping community project which is time consuming, and got a cat, all in the hope that I won't feel that desperate sad emptiness at the end of the day. I've tried online dating and have been on some lovely dates but in the end it requires me having regular child free time in order to develop a relationship, which I don't currently have, and even if I did I don't feel mentally or emotionally ready for a relationship. But I'm so bloody lonely!! I just want to know someone has got my back at all times and is on the end of the line if I need them. Is that too much to ask? What do others do in this situation?

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bluejelly · 06/12/2018 18:17

Oh OP sorry to hear. How long have you been separated for? It will get better in time. It will become the new normal. But it will probably take a little while. Have you had any counselling? A short course will probably speed up the process.

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user1499173618 · 06/12/2018 18:20

Does your ex have the children at all so you can date?

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Emmalonely · 06/12/2018 19:25

My ex has the dc for a few hours a week, on his terms and often very inconvenient for me. I've been separated 18 months now. I am wondering if I need some counselling but money is tight.

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user1499173618 · 06/12/2018 20:45

You absolutely need a fixed, regular arrangement for your children to see their father. You all need to be able to make plans.

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Emmalonely · 06/12/2018 21:00

Oh I know but the more I insist the more he resists.

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christmaspuddingyumyumyum · 06/12/2018 21:06

I know what you mean. I spent a long time "alone" in my marriage in that although we were together I felt very alone, lonely and isolated. Upon separation the loneliness was more bearable and I thought it was better to be alone and lonely than to be in an empty relationship.

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Emmalonely · 06/12/2018 21:13

Oh yes it's definitely preferable to being lonely in a relationship. At least now I have freedom and hope.

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user1499173618 · 06/12/2018 21:14

You need a court order then.

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Iris27 · 07/12/2018 09:03

Do you work OP? How old are you children?

I recently separated and was lonely like you in my relationship. Now when my child goes to bed I literally have 2 hours to sort everything out got the next day - I don't have time to be lonely! But this is because I work in the day. I also find that it gives me the adult social interaction I need.

Do you have close friends at the end of a text?

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Emmalonely · 07/12/2018 15:02

I work 4 days a week which does give me adult social interaction. The 5th day I usually use to catch up on house stuff so I don't need to do so much in the evenings. My dc are young, they go to bed at 7 and I don't go to bed til midnight. 5 hours is quite a long stretch to fill! I have very close friends, often they'll come and visit me in the evenings which is lovely but I still feel so needy. I think I am an extrovert so need a lot of company day to day.