Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Neighbour’s sister sending my husband her number.

(153 Posts)
discodancersweetromancer Thu 06-Dec-18 11:56:39

How would you feel about this? Can’t decide if I’m reading more into this than I should, or not.

Husband attended a party at our neighbours’ home at the weekend. I stayed home with the children as I was feeling unwell. He said he was only going for a few drinks, but actually ended up staying there till 3am.

I wasn’t concerned about this. I know how you can get swept up in a party. I texted him a couple of times throughout the evening, and both times he replied. All good. Or so I thought.

In work yesterday morning (we run our business together) and I went to set up something on one of our Macs. Saw a Facebook notification pop up on the screen. My husband’s Facebook. To be clear though, he never set this Facebook up himself. He has zero interest in any social media and this was set up for him by an employee so that he could do Facebook Live chats to other companies. He has done this twice in the last eight months.

I clicked on the Facebook and saw that he had private messages from my neighbour’s sister at 3.20am on Sunday morning. So just after he had left the party.

First was a ‘wave.’
Then a load of question marks.
Then four ‘shhhh’ face emojis.
Then her mobile number followed by kisses.

He hadn’t seen any of this and therefore there were no responses from him.

I was very upset, and asked him what had been going on at the party that would lead to her doing this??

He swears nothing and says he can’t understand why she did that. Says it was probably a drunken mistake and she is probably mortified about it. He says if he had wanted to swap numbers it would happened there and then, and that he cannot control someone contacting him on a Facebook that he doesn’t even use.

I text her and asked her why she had contacted my husband in this way as she knows he has a wife and young family. No response. I then said I would ask her family for answers if she had nothing to say. Immediately responds that she has no interest in my husband. She has a boyfriend. But that she and my husband had gotten on so well and she wanted to talk to him about business. hmm

I said that kisses and emojis in the middle of the night didn’t say ‘business’ to me and that she was completely inappropriate. She apologised and admitted that yes she had been.

I feel so uneasy. My stomach has churned ever since. I guess I’m finding it hard to believe that anyone would do this unsolicited. DH is so adamant that there is no more to it and that he is as surprised as me that she did this, but I’ve found it all so upsetting and unsettling.

I have quite a few things going on personally at the moment. My dad recently died and I have had a fall out with my mum, so am a little bit fragile just now which could possibly be adding to my uneasy feelings, but I can’t help feeling that there’s something more to this. I mean, who does that??

Sorry for the essay!

Maddie645 Thu 06-Dec-18 12:04:05

It does sound like unusual behaviour.

Maybe there had been a bit of drunken flirting going on and she assumed a follow up message was the natural thing to do.

It seems unlikely (in a house party) that anything physical would have happened. Are you good friends with anyone else who attended that you could ask? Maybe even if you don't get any direct info, you could get a feel from their answers.

I hope it turns out be nothing, as it may well be x

Trinity66 Thu 06-Dec-18 12:18:49

Could be nothing like the PP said, she did send it in the early hours and was probably drunk. I think asking someone you know and trust who was at the party if they noticed anything might be a good idea though

Chinks123 Thu 06-Dec-18 12:30:18

I’m instantly on the offensive with things like this, as I found messages from women repeatedly on my ex’s phone, and he always explained it away. He was a complete and utter liar and cheat, so I’m probably not the best to chuck my 2pence in.

It’s difficult, as the shh emojis would imply to me something secret, like they’d been flirting maybe. However he could 100% be telling the truth, without seeing his replies you have no idea really. You know him best, just keep your eyes open. You’ve alerted them both now though so it might be difficult if anything was going on.

Adora10 Thu 06-Dec-18 12:35:56

I'd imagine a drunken kiss then he probably fled in fright, if nothing else he's had another good fright from you, either way, not nice behaviour OP, very embarrassing for both of you.

Kittykat93 Thu 06-Dec-18 12:43:35

I would definitely think they'd been flirting, I doubt the texts and number would have been sent out of nowhere.

PinkCalluna Thu 06-Dec-18 12:46:22

My DH has been propositioned by women while I was sitting next to him.

The fact that she has behaved badly doesn’t mean that he has.

I’d be speaking to my friend about her sister behaviour though.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 06-Dec-18 12:47:50

I wouldn't read too much into this.
They didn't exchange numbers.
She went searching for him on facebook and tried it on.
He didn't even know about it.
Try not to worry about this.
It seems like your DH did nothing wrong.
You have enough to stress about at the moment.
Don't add this into the mix.
I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

Trinity66 Thu 06-Dec-18 12:51:44

I'd imagine a drunken kiss then he probably fled in fright

Yeah :

??? - Where did you go?
sssh emojis - I won't tell anyone what happened
Mobile number and kisses - Call me and lets continue what we started?

discodancersweetromancer Thu 06-Dec-18 12:56:20

Thank you for all your replies. I wouldn’t feel comfortable approaching her family members or other people who were there as we are neighbours who are friendly rather than actual friends if you know what I mean.

I’m really embarrassed by the whole thing, even though I know I have nothing to be embarrassed about. Even me texting her was completely uncharacteristic of me. I didn’t think I’d ever do something like that but I’m so uneasy.

My husband is very loud and gregarious and charming, so logically I can see why someone might misread him. But I can’t shake off this feeling of unease.

For context, this woman’s husband left her and her two young children for someone else a couple of years ago and her family paint her as having had a very hard time of it.

I’ve never met her before as she lives in another part of the country, and this was my husband’s first time meeting her too.

I think I find it strange that someone who’s husband had cheated on them would do something so inappropriate as to contact someone else’s husband in this way.

As I’ve said, my husband seems so adamant that he is as flummoxed by at her decision to message him. So why do I feel so uneasy?

FearLoveAndTheTimeMachine Thu 06-Dec-18 12:56:46

My question would be how on earth did she find his Facebook? How did she find out his full name enough to find him? If he barely uses it I’m guessing he doesn’t have lots of mutual friends with her where she could have seen him? And given that she messaged at 3.20am she found out his Facebook details pretty sharpish.

I guess at an absolute stretch maybe they just clicked and were both drunk and said they’d talk about business so he gave her his Facebook details, then she had different motivations and messaged flirting and he hadn’t realise that she was after him sexually. I think if he had been expecting her message he’d have checked the folder (then again you can mark opened messages as unread).

I’d be wary too anyway. It’s pretty poor boundaries on his part to give his contact details to a random woman at a party at 3am when he’s married. If it was truly a business connection he’d have given her his work email.

FearLoveAndTheTimeMachine Thu 06-Dec-18 12:59:59

I'd imagine a drunken kiss then he probably fled in fright

The fact she started her message with question marks and used the shh emoji indicates this is the most likely reading tbh, now I think about it. Why else would she send ‘?????’?

The fact that he claims he doesn’t know why she’s messaged is a red flag imo. If it was innocent he’d be able to say more about it. I’ve never had it happen where I’ve chatted to a guy at a party without flirting and making it known I’m with someone and then opened my Facebook to find that sort of message. It’s very intimate. And the number is a clear invitation to talk more. If it was business related there wouldn’t be the many emojis.

Listen to your spidey sense imo.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 06-Dec-18 13:00:36

I think I find it strange that someone who’s husband had cheated on them would do something so inappropriate as to contact someone else’s husband in this way
Not strange at all I'm afraid.
After dealing with a horrid break-up, confidence and self-esteem is low.
People do things they wouldn't normally do to make themselves feel better.

Adora10 Thu 06-Dec-18 13:04:29

Then four ‘shhhh’ face emojis.

If it wasn't for this I wouldn't be so suspicious.

OP, forget it though, she lives far far away, hopefully you will never have to see her again.

PinkCalluna Thu 06-Dec-18 13:06:22

My question would be how on earth did she find his Facebook? How did she find out his full name enough to find him?

She was introduced to him at a party, by her sister, his next door neighbour. And you can’t work our how she found him? confused

Her sister said “hey Jeannie, let me introduce you to my neighbour Joe Bloggs” She wouldn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes.

FearLoveAndTheTimeMachine Thu 06-Dec-18 13:10:35

What person at a party introduces guests to each other using their full name and surname? Nobody I know. It’d be ‘this is Joe, my neighbour. Joe, this is Jane my sister’:

Hissy Thu 06-Dec-18 13:14:05

I think I find it strange that someone who’s husband had cheated on them would do something so inappropriate as to contact someone else’s husband in this way.

You'd think, right? My dad went off with the OW and SHE had been dumped by HER previous H who had an affair.

Takes a special kind of awful for someone to do to another person
what they specifically knows first hand wrecks lives

twoundertwo54321 Thu 06-Dec-18 13:15:03

This is not nice at all for you I'm sorry. I would say that if this is totally out of character for your husband I would put it down to a strange night. I dont think it sounds like anything happened and it wasn't him contacting her so it's not worth getting upset about. He clearly isn't interested in her so I think I would trust him and try to put it out of your mind now.

discodancersweetromancer Thu 06-Dec-18 13:15:16

Thank you for your condolences hellsbells

Trinity you paint a very plausible yet also horrifying scenario. sad

On the Facebook account he has no friends. It was purely set up for a business Facebook live thing. Only thing on it is that he is part of a closed group pertaining to our business. But to me knowledge he hasn’t even looked at it. As I said, he has no interest in social media and an employee set it up.

With regards to how she may have found his Facebook, he does have a distinctive name and is someone who (this will sound weird) says his full name a lot.

He did drink a lot and so some of his recollection of the evening is a little hazy but he swears that nothing untoward or out of the ordinary occurred with this woman. Finding it difficult to believe though.

FearLove you make a lot sense.

Hissy Thu 06-Dec-18 13:15:25

I too would tell the neighbour that I didn't appreciate such behaviour towards my family.

loveyoutothemoon Thu 06-Dec-18 13:20:55

I would say at least a flirt, probably a kiss, but I may be wrong. I don't think you're gonna find out though.

Firsttimer1234 Thu 06-Dec-18 13:21:08

I would go and talk to your neighbour and she what they say about it. Ask if they noticed anything

PinkCalluna Thu 06-Dec-18 13:23:11

Fear:

“I invited the Bloggses next door but it such a shame that Disco is ill. Joe is coming though”

Really not a stretch.

Maddie645 Thu 06-Dec-18 13:24:52

Yeah, you could ask the neighbour. Just say that your husband was very drunk and he is worried that he may have embarrassed himself. That way your not specifically relating it to the woman.

You should be able to pick up on anything by the reaction.

LifesABeachCoaster Thu 06-Dec-18 13:25:41

OP I think either way he is telling lies.

Perhaps they flirted and he got scared and ran off, hence the ????

Or she was flirting with him, he did not reciprocate and fled because he was uncomfortable - but why would he not disclose this? He is hiding something I'm afraid.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: