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DNA testing

(12 Posts)
typhoonsmum Sat 23-Jun-07 19:53:07

Over a year ago I had an affair. It ended LAST May. Since then I have had NO contact with the other man at all. My DP found out about the affair as I had to tell him or the other person was going to. We have worked on getting our relationship back on track and are doing ok. I feel happier in this relationship than I ever used to.
In November we fell pregnant with our second child.
I was at town this afternoon trying to fix his mobile and when I got back he'd had a prank call on the house phone (When he answered the caller put the phone down and had withheld the number) He now thinks that it was this other bloke trying to get hold of me (he used to run a mobile phone repair shop so DP has put 2 and 2 together and got a big fat 30)
He now says he doesn't want to speak to me and is going to stay at his mothers or cousins in Wales. He also wants a paternity test to check this baby is actually his. I tempted to give in to the test to shut him up. So he'll have to eat a LARGE piece of humble pie.
I treated him like shit when I was having the affair and lied many times over but that is well and truly finished now and I realised I very nearly lost a very good man.(Tho I know he hasn't acted like it today)
What should I do!

Novacane Sat 23-Jun-07 20:11:46

Get the test, after all you were unfaithful (even tho not at the time you got PG), it will put his mind at rest, it's obviously playing on his mind or else he wouldn't be making 30 would he?

FioFio Sat 23-Jun-07 20:13:30

Message withdrawn

ArtichokeTagine Sat 23-Jun-07 20:15:44

To be brutally honest I think you owe him whatever it takes to help him stay with his family. You were unfaithfull but he took you back. You broke the trust. You cannot expect him to treat you like a trustworthy person. Give him the test and hope that over the years you can slowly earn his trust back.

Scanner Sat 23-Jun-07 20:18:33

I would act in a very understanding manner, calm and agreeable (even if you don't feel it). If he's worrying and you get angry with him it's going to make him question what's going on even more, same applies if you are very defensive.

However, if you calmly say that you haven't been in contact with this man, but you understand that because you broke his trust before that he needs to have it confirmed. That you will have no problem with a paternity test, but it sadens you that he feels the need for one. Go ahead and do it and don't make him eat humble pie (even if it kills you).

This will all make him totally comforted and understood and will probably be the end of it and never be brought up again.

warthog Sat 23-Jun-07 20:43:07

sorry to say, but you have broken his trust before, and you have to prove that you are trustworthy now. it will take a loooooong time. this is the price of betrayal. take the test and hopefully it'll instill more faith in you. sorry to be so blunt.

lulumama Sat 23-Jun-07 20:45:10

great your DH wanted to make a go of things after your infidelity

but in your own words you treated him like shit and lied, so he has no reason at all to trust you right now

think how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot

do whatever it takes to prove to him you can be trusted again

you need to eat a big piece of humble pie before he does

typhoonsmum Sat 23-Jun-07 20:50:29

I think I will get the DNA test done and finally put the matter to bed.
You are all right. I did treat him very badly and have to earn his trust again. I forget that I know I haven't done anything but he doesn't.

lulumama Sat 23-Jun-07 21:08:35

hope everything works out for you both

typhoonsmum Sat 23-Jun-07 21:18:21

I think we'll be fine. Just need this sorting out sooner than later.

Baby is due in 5 weeks.

lulumama Sat 23-Jun-07 21:21:52

well, good luck and happy birthing

typhoonsmum Sat 23-Jun-07 21:27:58


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