Advanced search

DH touching me whilst asleep

(421 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Rattinghat Tue 04-Dec-18 10:42:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

qwertyl Tue 04-Dec-18 10:31:22

It wasn't accidental at all. The light was still on and he had a good old grope to check i was asleep. I've dropped my dcs at school and come to work with no idea what to do. I don't want to tell family or friends particularly and don't want to suddenly uproot dcs - to where I don't know - but I feel like I don't to be anywhere near him, let alone sleep in a bed next to him ☹️

Zofloramummy Mon 03-Dec-18 23:31:39

How many dozing men accidentally insert their fingers into their partners vaginas? The OP also said it was done in a clinical way.

Rattinghat Mon 03-Dec-18 23:28:38

How much near asleep do you think he was? If he was pretty much nealy asleep himself and his hands started casually wandering, that's different than if he is wide awake and waits for you to be asleep before clinically having an explore.

Zofloramummy Mon 03-Dec-18 23:27:29

He must know that you know what happened otherwise why would you be downstairs? That is a horrible thing for him to do and it was a sexual assault. No blurred lines at all. You were asleep and therefore unable to consent in any way. I’m so sorry.

Make yourself a cup of sweet tea. Your dd’s may well adore him but will you ever go to sleep again without a worry that this might happen? He isn’t safe to be around. The only person that is to blame here is him.

Bluerussian Mon 03-Dec-18 23:24:21

That's pretty horrible. When I saw the thread title I imagined him cuddling up or something like that, probably asleep himself. Husband and I have both done that but certainly touching genitals, never mind putting fingers inside.

It's a violation, please speak plainly to him about how you feel.

qwertyl Mon 03-Dec-18 23:23:53

No that's all I can think of.... the dc and what to do.... my DDs adore him sad

BewareOfDragons Mon 03-Dec-18 23:10:03


You have been violated.

And he's already minimizing his behaviour as you know he's lied to you about it before ... he'ls going to do it again.

So you have to decide what you want to do now.

Would you tell your children to stay in a relationship where their partner violated them in this manner?

qwertyl Mon 03-Dec-18 23:01:12

If it had been a back rub and then led to something I understand but not waiting until he thought I was asleep? Surely.... it was so clinical. I've been with him 15 years. I'm
Sure it's started happening the last year or so...

tablelegs Mon 03-Dec-18 23:00:01

That's awful. I'm so sorry.

shamalawa Mon 03-Dec-18 22:59:11

Sorry cross posted there.

That sounds horrible OP

shamalawa Mon 03-Dec-18 22:58:23

Back rubs would often lead to sex in our house and that's even if one of us was dozy but that's our relationship and our own boundaries non existent

How did he react when you got up

How are you now?

qwertyl Mon 03-Dec-18 22:58:13

I've no idea what to half suspected in the past but he's always dismissed it but he definitely thought I was asleep.... makes me feel more ill to say this but I have a very self conscious belly roll after DC and he knows I don't like him touching it - he actually grabbed it first and then put two Fingers inside.... oh god sorry just sounds so horrible... I almost wish I'd let him go further to make the point but I was so furious. I'd been asleep about half hour/45 Mins and he's taken my book out my hands - romantic. I'm downstairs alone but one dc comes in for a cuddle most nights and don't want to alarm her if she can't find me.

Mum2jenny Mon 03-Dec-18 22:53:41

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

shamalawa Mon 03-Dec-18 22:53:27

Sorry you're so shaken up by this.

Did he give you a back rub leading you to fall asleep?
Then you woke and he was touching you?
Did he know you were asleep do you think?

SoaringSwallow Mon 03-Dec-18 22:53:10

qwertyl your feelings are accurate to what he's done. Your instincts are correct. Do whatever you want, but don't let him talk you out of your instincts. He penetrated you without consent. Your reaction is appropriate to what he did.


Honeybee79 Mon 03-Dec-18 22:51:02

That's horrible. In fact, it's sexual assault. Has he done it before? What is he saying about it now?

Sethis Mon 03-Dec-18 22:49:42

100% rape/sexual assault.

Kick him out of the fucking house.

If that's not possible, leave the house yourself. Crash with friends or family.

This would be a 100% instant deal breaker for a lot of people. Do not pass Go, do not collect £200. End of marriage. At the very least you need to demonstrate consequences to him, right now.

chickenloverwoman Mon 03-Dec-18 22:47:32

Oh lovely, that's horrible . What do you want to happen next?

Drogosnextwife Mon 03-Dec-18 22:47:02

Are you sure he knew you were asleep?

qwertyl Mon 03-Dec-18 22:45:45

Am downstairs in utter shock.... after an early night and offer of back rub from'd'h woke up to find him touching me.... I stopped him before he went further but he'd already put his fingers inside me I'm sure to check if I was asleep.... oh god I feel sick. I hate him right now envy

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »