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Partner up to no good? Strange activity

(109 Posts)
Meowzers55 Tue 27-Nov-18 20:41:20

Yesterday my partner had to drive a 3 hour trip to get his phone fixed that wasn’t working..

Last night I checked his phone (I’m very paranoid although I know it’s wrong) and he had phoned a strange number. I googled the number and it was a really weird massage place in the city he had to go to. It looks like a massage place that offers extras put it that way. I also checked online banking and he had taken out £90

I confronted him last night and he told me he booked an appointment but never went and it was only for a massage nothing else. This is a man who has never been for a massage in his life. I asked him why he kept the “massage” a secret from me and he couldn’t answer? And he also can’t explain where the £90 now is

He’s totally lying isn’t he? By the way we have 2 DC and have been together 7.5 years

HereIgoagainxx Tue 27-Nov-18 20:44:09

Of course he's lying. I'm sorry.

ItsAHardKn0ckLife1 Tue 27-Nov-18 20:45:16

I think you’ve answered your own question tbh OP sad

Sorry this is happening to you, you’ll get some great advice here that will help decide your next step flowers

Bluebell9 Tue 27-Nov-18 20:45:48

If he didn't go, he would still have the £90. I'm sorry he's done this to you.

Dirtybadger Tue 27-Nov-18 20:47:51

He took out £90 in cash and now he doesn't have it.

A regular massage doesn't count £90. A decent sports massage will be 40-50/hr max (IME).

He was paying for the extras and now he doesn't have the money....hmm

namechangedforanon Tue 27-Nov-18 20:50:02

A massage in London is more than £90 😂 without a happy ending .

Sorry but think he’s lying . I’d be furious about the fact he even considered booking a seedy massage never mind anything else

Idontbelieveinthemoon Tue 27-Nov-18 20:50:34

This is a man who has never been for a massage in his life.

No, this is a man who has never admitted to going for a massage in his life. He's lied to you and broken your trust - only you can decide where to go from here but you know now exactly how much value he places on your trust and relationship.

Meowzers55 Tue 27-Nov-18 20:50:47

He tried to make up different stories about where the money had gone and first he said “well my lunch was about £10”... when I asked about the other £80 he just made up lies.

He has said he will admit he was going for a massage but 100% did not go for any sexual reasons.... bullshit sad

halfwitpicker Tue 27-Nov-18 20:52:45

These men

HollowTalk Tue 27-Nov-18 20:54:12

What an idiot to think you're going to believe that rubbish.

How do you get on otherwise?

Veterinari Tue 27-Nov-18 20:54:22

It’s bullshit OP. Phone the place and ask how much for a straight massage.

Next he’ll admit to a lapdance or a handjob or something else ‘minor’ hmm
Or he’ll get angry at you for ‘not trusting him’

Boy I’m line is he’s Been unfaithful

Nottalotta Tue 27-Nov-18 20:54:46

Bloody hell he's not been very bright has he? Why on earth would he drive 3 hrs to get his phone fixed? Makes no sense. It looks pretty clear cut OP, sorry, he's a shit.

DeRigueurMortis Tue 27-Nov-18 20:55:13

Yep - bullshit.

I'd say he has one last chance to tell the truth otherwise he can pack his bags because you know he's lying.

Tell the truth and you make no promises on what happens next but you'll consider if there is a way to move past this which for me would be no, but you might as well mess with his head and heart as much as he has with yours.

I'd be checking the bank for other withdrawals also....I'd bet good money this wasn't the first time.

bobstersmum Tue 27-Nov-18 20:55:57

If you've been caught the best thing is to just hold your hands up really, that's what any decent person would do, the lying would irritate me as much as the massage!

Thankyounext Tue 27-Nov-18 20:58:00

He’s not been even a very good liar is he?

maximumcarnage Tue 27-Nov-18 21:02:41

Uh huh. He’s trying to hide the fact he went for an ‘innocent’ massage? What planet is he on!? He’s tried to hide the fact he was even in touch. He’s lied about where the money was spent. Lies. Lies. Lies.

I’m guessing having spent over seven years with the same woman and the hassle of dealing with children he felt the need to get a little personal action. Reward, for all those good years of service. Good. Grief.

He needs to own up to his indiscretions and then you need to decide if you can make the relationship work. But such obvious deceit isn’t a good start.

Ellisandra Tue 27-Nov-18 21:03:44

Well, you weren’t paranoid and you weren’t wrong, were you?

Don’t for a minute beat yourself up about checking his phone.

Don’t bother trying to get the truth - you know the truth, he uses prostitutes.

Get rid of him.

Much sympathy - my XH did the same hmm

munanagi Tue 27-Nov-18 21:03:46

he's shagged a hooker!

Ellisandra Tue 27-Nov-18 21:06:29

@maximumcarnage I wouldn’t bother trying to guess why. My XH turned out to have been using prostitutes our entire relationship - and after I divorced him, and he got a new girlfriend, I still had access to his Adultwork account and could see that he was still using prostitutes when he was with her, too.

There are probably a number of variations on why, but all stem from a base of selfish arsehole.

WhoKnewBeefStew Tue 27-Nov-18 21:51:20


JK1773 Tue 27-Nov-18 22:21:52

He’s lying. You know he is. Whatever you do and whatever he says keep in your mind that he went and spent £90 at a massage parlour and lied about it.
My ex lied like this about something a bit different but just as bad. I knew he was lying but I chose to put it out of my head and carry on. That there was one of the worst decisions I ever made in my life.
Trust your gut and make your decisions on what you know to be true, not what lies he tells you flowers

PolkaDoting Tue 27-Nov-18 23:18:49

I can’t believe he tried to convince you he was just getting a massage - maybe he’s been reading about the Mumsnet mythical spa day and thought he’d treat himself?

Feckers2018 Wed 28-Nov-18 00:03:04

Won"t be a one off either. Check his bank records for large cash amounts.

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser Wed 28-Nov-18 00:42:01

Yup he has used a prostitute.

He is clearly lying and has put your health at risk!

I would make an appointment at your local sexual health clinic ASAP.

Can you go into location services on his phone, to see how many times he has visited the massage parlour? I bet he will have been going there frequently!

Meowzers55 Wed 28-Nov-18 06:38:26

We do have abit of a challenging relationship at times... with 2 young kids and the youngest being very hard work and he has also lied about things in the past. He has never physically cheated (until now?), but mentally he has online.

I’ve tried to phone and it just goes onto voicemail, I’ve put my phone on no caller ID so maybe it’s because of that they won’t answer?

I don’t know how to check location services Claire but I’m definitely going to look into it.

When I brought it up again last night he said he doesn’t mind me looking through his phone but he’s annoyed and disappointed I done it on the sly....hmm

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