Because I am....I'm unhappy and he's controlling. Anyone else decided to leave?
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leaving11 ·
17/11/2018 07:55
There's 1 month left to pay on the tenancy. The tenancy is just in my name. I'm a carer for my ds (not his) and I couldn't afford to change everything benefits wise. Once the tenancy is up then I'll either move to my mum or my dads for a while.
There's a massive massive background to this but main points are
We are married (which was a stupid thing to do)
He has 2 kids from previous as do I and 1 child together - a baby.
Over the last year he's shown no interest in my kids. Doesn't even speak to them. Ds is autistic and as he's growing older it's going to get harder. I'd rather do it on my own than be living with him and there being an atmosphere. He absolutely won't be prepared to make any effort with them. He thinks they should make an effort with him - they are 8 and 6 years old.
He's controlling, he doesn't even like it if I go to my mums. I can do what I like in the days when he's at work but on nights or weekends, I don't have much freedom. We have to be together all of the time.
He expects my kids to be there all the time when his kids are so they can play together (really it's just so the youngest one won't bother him as much and he can sit and watch the football). If I said I was going over to my mums while his kids were there he would go in a mood.
But I need to get out as half the time his youngest one is horrible to everyone and he does nothing about it. I do it all.
Last night was the last straw.
I made tea for us all and gave the dcs there's. Rang him to ask what time he would be home and explained I'd made tea ready. He said he wouldn't be long and was looking forward to tea. When he came home he admitted he had burger and chips not long ago at work as he didn't get his lunch - fair enough he would of been hungry and that's fine but why not tell me? So I could of eaten with the dcs and had a proper meal.
He then sat and played on his phone for ages and went for a long bath knowing full well the baby was crying and I hadn't eaten.
He then later explains we are going to his mums on Sunday. I had 'asked' if we could go to my mums on Sunday a few days ago.
He moaned about their being wee on the floor from one of the dcs and he's sick of cleaning it up. FYI he does no cleaning or helping around the house what so ever and is unbelievably messy. I say that they are kids, it's the same in every house and it shouldn't be an issue.
Lastly, my ex - dcs dad is a knob. He just isn't interested in the dcs and I'm going through a very hard time with ds. I'd just received a shitty message from him at the same time as dh moaned about the wee on the bathroom floor and I cried.
Instead of comforting in me, he asked me what was wrong in a snotty attitude and said 'if he (the ex) carries on with all this crap then it's going to put pressure on our marriage' and then proceeded to tell me why I was crying - because of my ex.
Partly I was crying cos of my ex, partly I was crying because of my poor ds who is struggling at the moment (explainied that to dh but apparently I wasn't crying cos of that, I'm crying because of my ex and him only as I was fine before), I'm crying because I'm hungry, I'm crying because we have a newborn and I'm tired and mostly I'm crying because of him!!!
Anyway deep down he knew they, he bathed the baby and put him to bed. I made of point of I'm going downstairs to have some cereal for my tea.
Stuff like this happens on a weekly basis. I'm unhappy.
I'm not scared of doing it alone, I did it for years with my eldest 2 dcs. Now I have a baby but it's still pretty much like being a single mum seen as he doesn't help me at all with my 2 dcs. Plus I have him and an extra 2 dcs on a weekend to deal with - life would be easier on my own!
In the meantime I'm really going to try to stop letting him walk all over me and cry at everything. I'm going to stand to him more. I'm going to look after myself. He won't like it at all.
As far as I'm concerned, my marriage is over. I just need these next few weeks over too, I need to plan my life ahead. I'm a bloody good mum to my kids and I know we will be fine and my dcs probably happier!
I'm so tired, been awake since 3 with the baby - who I love so so much. I might have made a mistake in marrying his dad but I certainly do not regret this little one for a second. He wasn't planned and I was so scared at how hard life was going to be when he was born which has proved difficult. But he's perfect and I was supposed to have him.
Honestly I've had so many usernames on here all about him and all about my ex. But this is the one that's sticking. I wish I could just run away from them both.
Sorry this was supposed to be short and sweet 
OP posts:
Shriek ·
17/11/2018 16:38
Hugs and 
for your exhaustion living with him and to celebrate your decision to leave, that's amazing.
That WAS horrible and controlling. Who could even do that.
Write down here all the things, incidents and nastiness, and how you feel now, and keep it for after you've.left, as a little 'refresher for you'!
Faa27 ·
17/11/2018 16:46
You are a very strong woman! Like you sad you’ve done it before a is pretty much living as a single mother anyway... good luck with everything
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